Traditional Wedding!

Joy, shame, laughter, holding the tears back… these are some of the ways I felt today. We went to a traditional Rwandan wedding ceremony today. It was for the brother of our friend Providence. We were the only white people there. I wore the traditional dress of the Rwandese people… which was really strange. It is not very flattering and I am ALL about flattering clothing especially for special occasions! The material is see-through so you have to wear a different skirt under the traditional skirt, which is then tied on with a string. You then tuck the string under it. Then you have a black t-shirt which is very hot because it is not cotton… it is some other strange fabric. The best part is the matching scarf which you put over your shoulder (it hides a lot of the bulges left after tying rolls of fabric on!) The shoes I wore were borrowed as well. They were beautiful black sling backs. I felt great from the calf down… Despite my discomfort, I have never had so many compliments from Rwandese!

Most of my range of emotions came from being a witness to something so culturally beautiful and unique. The ceremony took place at the bride’s home and went longer than four hours. There were probably 400 people there… mostly family. Which brings me to the first emotion, sadness… Who was missing?? How many more could have been present if the genocide had not taken place? The muzee of each family faced each other in a kind of stand off. They are the representatives of their families. They speak for their best interests. I felt surprised at my reaction, shame. We lack that kind of respect in America… where we actually believe in our elders. Now I want to share some of the dialogue between the two families… the groom was on one side and the bride was interestingly missing (Please note that this is all IMPROV talking between the two families!)

“Our families have been friends for a long time, you are welcome here.” (Brides Muzee)

“Thank you friends.” (Grooms Muzee)

“Why are you here?” (B)

“Have you heard that our son Pudence has finished school? He met your Celine and wants to marry her.” (G)

“Well, Celine heard that Jerusalem was not at peace, so she went to preach there and is not home… but we have many other beautiful girls to choose from.” (B)

“Yes, you have many beautiful girls, but Pudence is only interested in Celine and he is a good Christian… so maybe if we pray she will come back in an hour or two.” (G)

“Well, maybe we should first ask if any of our families have any problems with yours? (B)

“We are all innocent… no one is at the Gacaca even now!” (G)

“We are all Christians and therefore can not be lying, so I must say that one of your Muzee was building a house next to our neighbor’s house and knocked it down!” (B)

“Oh yes, that is true… but it wasn’t very strong and so I built him a new strong one.” (G)

“Yes, but one of your muzee was an Ambassador for America and wouldn’t reissue a passport for Celine when she lost it!” (B)

“Oh, yes I did decline it at first because she only wanted a passport for Burundi and Uganda… so I told her to wait for a short while so she could have an international passport. And now she has it, because you see she has been in Jerusalem!” (G)

I won’t go on… but you can see how much fun it was for them to argue over giving permission for Pudence to take Celine as his wife. Then there was the issue of the cows (and how many cows Celine was worth). The groom still has to pay a dowry! They had to go “check on” the eight cows that they had brought to the house…. This too was a joke, in the village you bring actual cows, but in Kigali, you just bring MONEY!!! So once that was checked out by the Muzees in the back of the house, the bride miraculously appeared (home from Jerusalem!).

I choked on my own tears as I watched the bride and groom finally meet. They kissed each other sweetly… but they seemed sober and serious. To me, it was an occasion that meant little about them and most about joining families. This is so ingrained in the culture… it just astounds me that they continue to celebrate togetherness despite so much division through death and war.

I enjoyed seeing this ceremony after spending so much time here. I can more fully embrace the meaning behind it all and what this country is really about: RELATIONHIP! It reminded me of how poor we can sometimes be in the States; poor in tradition and in the throes of poverty with close friends. I was even thinking about how Ben and I Yahoo Instant Message each other in our own home! We skip the talking and just email instead. Today I was reminded that I want to value friends rather than things.