Thursday, February 3, 2005
Sometimes, when no one is looking, refugee’s can do crazy things. Like squatting in a bathtub scrubbing your clothes on make-believe rocks, wearing a winter hat inside but not wearing socks, trying to wash dishes without soap, or even lying on the floor clutching at your heart only to be suffering from indigestion. These things seemed funny to me until this evening when I watched Ben download the pictures he took from our last day with them. Alas, I laughed as he captured footage of Father teaching Mama how to ride a bike. You can’t believe this; she was not wearing shoes and there is snow still on the ground, and she was wearing her new robe like a coat! Oh what our neighbors must think! Aren’t we supervising at all?? I think the best part is that Ben saw these errors in judgment, took the pictures and went right back into the house without saying a word.
Honestly, I spent little time with the family today. I was near a break down this morning. I felt incapable of doing anything. I slept for a good part of the morning and then briefly discussed the plan for leaving tomorrow. The family has packed most of their items and it has been stuffed into our garage for departure. Ben took the kids to the gym again today and they played with abandon. He also supervised dinner and we had a guest, John O’Keefe (17 yrs. old) who is a student from Bartlett High school. At the bottom of the diary I have included a thank you letter which he sent to us this evening. John is doing research for a report on educational differences in international settings. I am extremely impressed with this young man. He has courage and is unafraid of looking at reality abroad, something I struggle with. John interviewed Majeni (19 yr old) and asked him many questions about his experience. I don’t know any other person his age that has taken it upon himself personally to discover other cultures with such reckless abandon. I am honored to know him and we all expect huge things for him.
As for me, it was truly a day I would like to get past. Some of you know a little about my situation personally, and I will share that I was suffering greatly from flashbacks this afternoon. It took a great deal of prayer and focus to overcome. Ben was unbelievably helpful in praying for me and encouraging me that things would be alright. I am considerably better this evening, and now I only have the false-guilt of being “unavailable” to overcome. I am who I am. The things I have been through in my life have helped me become who I am, and who can argue that I would want to be anyone else? I love what CCC, Ben, me and my family has accomplished this week. I have no regrets and we have done what we set out to do. We have welcomed another family to America and met incredible people like Colleen, Kevin, Margaret, Rose, Sara, Julie, John, and countless others along the way.
Here is to the start of a new journey!
Sunday, July 03, 2005
2.2.05
Wednesday, February 2, 2005
Wow, I am on my last leg. I lashed out at Ben sitting at the dinner table. We had an argument about the kids “eating healthy”. They had pizza tonight. Hey, they are lucky they ate at all! Of course, you can see how this argument developed! We both have relevant points. Neither of which I care to explore in depth at this time. I feel irritable and on edge. The little things; laundry piles, garbage heaps, rice bags, shoe mountain, unopened mail, finger printed mirrors, and the oily stove… I can’t look at another mess. All my furniture that was moved is shoved in various rooms. All of this didn’t really seem to be a big deal until 1 hour ago. It was as if I saw all of it at one time. Ugh.
I think tomorrow I will be taking all of our sheets, blankets and laundry to a laundry mat after I drop off my kids at school. I honestly can’t imagine spending 3 days to do it. And I want to start piling things for their move in the garage so it will be out of the way. Then I will have to make sure that all of the refugee’s clothes and blankets will be cleaned before they go. Of course, I will try to plan a trip to the gym so the kids can play tomorrow. OH! And maybe, if Lois Lane needs saving, I can slip into my red cape and do that too!
Yikes! Slow down…breathe…be in the moment…
Where the heck is my yoga mat!?
Well, let’s start with today. What great things happened today?
Oh yeah, I didn’t get run over by a truck!
No…be serious.
Ok, I only feel like I was run over by a truck
End of Inner Voice Monologue.
Majeni (19 yr old boy) asked me when their new house would be ready and I told him around Feb15th or so. He then said, “How far is it from here?” I thought he was trying to just get information for his Father and I said very specifically, “About 45 minutes away”. “Oh.” He replied quietly. I caught a glimpse of disappointment in his face. “Why Majeni”? I inquired with a sly smile. He caught my drift and said longingly, “Because I want to visit you often.” He appeared to me as a little lost boy. What an accomplishment, that he would feel safe here and desire to be with us. I wrapped my arms around him (and his puffy coat which he wears incessantly), and squeezed him while saying, “Oh Majeni, I am glad you will miss us like we will miss you.” Mama laughed while Majeni dropped his head in embarrassment. Fartuna (17 yr old girl) has been slouching her shoulders each time I talk to her about starting school next week. They are all scared and uncertain.
How I wish I could bare this burden for them somehow. Isn’t that the way it is with the people we care about? It makes me think about all of the times something tough was around the corner for me and God saw it coming. Sometimes it feels as though He leaves us and we can’t see His hand in it. We go through those times and our faith may falter. We cry out “Why”? We wonder what His purpose is for the suffering we are enduring. Or even more simply, how He can be the God of love when we are in so much pain? It seems an oxymoron. But, how many times have I found the greatest peace and experienced true revelations about God when I have turned towards Him in my times of crisis? And this is what I must remember for my new friends. Perhaps this time of upheaval and trial will bring them closer to the God that I love and cling to so dearly. Maybe something I did or said will come to mind. Oh God, I pray that you would draw this family to you! Help me be open to sharing your love during these last two days! Help me not loose sight of what is really important.
I again want to thank CCC and Community 4:12 for all of the help and support you have given our family during this time. We honestly wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. (Thank you Rose!) I am so glad this diary has been a blessing too. I had no idea what amazing inspiration has come out of them. Praise God that I was able to spend the energy and time to keep you all connected to this amazing adventure. Friday night will be the last diary for this adventure. (Please feel free to check out my diary from our February 2004 trip to Rwanda, Africa at www.globalfamilyrescue.org)
And by the way, the lack of pictures today is my fault. Ben is the family “picture taker”, I am the “picker upper”! He was teaching computers to kids all day.
Wow, I am on my last leg. I lashed out at Ben sitting at the dinner table. We had an argument about the kids “eating healthy”. They had pizza tonight. Hey, they are lucky they ate at all! Of course, you can see how this argument developed! We both have relevant points. Neither of which I care to explore in depth at this time. I feel irritable and on edge. The little things; laundry piles, garbage heaps, rice bags, shoe mountain, unopened mail, finger printed mirrors, and the oily stove… I can’t look at another mess. All my furniture that was moved is shoved in various rooms. All of this didn’t really seem to be a big deal until 1 hour ago. It was as if I saw all of it at one time. Ugh.
I think tomorrow I will be taking all of our sheets, blankets and laundry to a laundry mat after I drop off my kids at school. I honestly can’t imagine spending 3 days to do it. And I want to start piling things for their move in the garage so it will be out of the way. Then I will have to make sure that all of the refugee’s clothes and blankets will be cleaned before they go. Of course, I will try to plan a trip to the gym so the kids can play tomorrow. OH! And maybe, if Lois Lane needs saving, I can slip into my red cape and do that too!
Yikes! Slow down…breathe…be in the moment…
Where the heck is my yoga mat!?
Well, let’s start with today. What great things happened today?
Oh yeah, I didn’t get run over by a truck!
No…be serious.
Ok, I only feel like I was run over by a truck
End of Inner Voice Monologue.
Majeni (19 yr old boy) asked me when their new house would be ready and I told him around Feb15th or so. He then said, “How far is it from here?” I thought he was trying to just get information for his Father and I said very specifically, “About 45 minutes away”. “Oh.” He replied quietly. I caught a glimpse of disappointment in his face. “Why Majeni”? I inquired with a sly smile. He caught my drift and said longingly, “Because I want to visit you often.” He appeared to me as a little lost boy. What an accomplishment, that he would feel safe here and desire to be with us. I wrapped my arms around him (and his puffy coat which he wears incessantly), and squeezed him while saying, “Oh Majeni, I am glad you will miss us like we will miss you.” Mama laughed while Majeni dropped his head in embarrassment. Fartuna (17 yr old girl) has been slouching her shoulders each time I talk to her about starting school next week. They are all scared and uncertain.
How I wish I could bare this burden for them somehow. Isn’t that the way it is with the people we care about? It makes me think about all of the times something tough was around the corner for me and God saw it coming. Sometimes it feels as though He leaves us and we can’t see His hand in it. We go through those times and our faith may falter. We cry out “Why”? We wonder what His purpose is for the suffering we are enduring. Or even more simply, how He can be the God of love when we are in so much pain? It seems an oxymoron. But, how many times have I found the greatest peace and experienced true revelations about God when I have turned towards Him in my times of crisis? And this is what I must remember for my new friends. Perhaps this time of upheaval and trial will bring them closer to the God that I love and cling to so dearly. Maybe something I did or said will come to mind. Oh God, I pray that you would draw this family to you! Help me be open to sharing your love during these last two days! Help me not loose sight of what is really important.
I again want to thank CCC and Community 4:12 for all of the help and support you have given our family during this time. We honestly wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. (Thank you Rose!) I am so glad this diary has been a blessing too. I had no idea what amazing inspiration has come out of them. Praise God that I was able to spend the energy and time to keep you all connected to this amazing adventure. Friday night will be the last diary for this adventure. (Please feel free to check out my diary from our February 2004 trip to Rwanda, Africa at www.globalfamilyrescue.org)
And by the way, the lack of pictures today is my fault. Ben is the family “picture taker”, I am the “picker upper”! He was teaching computers to kids all day.
2.1.05
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
One of my dogs came up to me an hour ago and licked my hand. Normally, that slimy expression of love repulses me. I know where that tongue has been! Yuck. But today, it was welcomed. I felt a sense of affection and realized that I was being picked out of 21 others to be cherished. My heart melted and two tears slipped down my cheek. How ironic that the things that used to irritate me now have this affect. Who knows, he probably was telling me he had to pee or something.
Anyway, it made me think about the needs that I have to be loved and touched. And may I dare say held. As I think every mother knows, the time comes when all of the touching and cuddling you have given becomes a duty that can drain you immensely. But if a mother stopped giving it, maybe the child would feel as I do today. Lonely? Maybe a little neglected? There is something so vital about receiving affection. Too little attention is paid to it. Even I, a grown up 35-year-old mom feels the need for it. I think a part of me has reverted back to age 6 or so. Everything feels so out of control and I need a hug to make me feel it will be all right. So what is going on that is bringing about this emotion in me?
They are leaving soon. The time is getting closer when I will say goodbye to my new friends. I feel that I am focusing so intently on the day-to-day activities and necessities that the long-term needs have gone somewhat untended to. I make sure that they are fed and dressed (of course the parents to the lions share of this – I just supervise). I make sure that they have clean blankets and towels. I make sure they take showers and use deodorant. And they have learned so quickly. I think perhaps that I am facing the “empty-nest” syndrome! What will happen to them when they leave? Of course, World Relief has assured me that they will be well cared for.
But I am also grieving. When I tried to lay down for a nap, I reflected on the thought that I would love to do this for our families in Global Family Rescue. I have hosted two Bantu families and cared for them. How I would love the opportunity to love on our 220 families the way I have loved on the Somali’s in my own home. I wish they all could have the opportunity that America can offer.
My greatest desire is that any hungry or broken person that crosses my path will find some sustenance. I don’t have the ability to do that, but I know God does. Maybe I will only be able to offer one meal or one kind word. But God is able to do exceedingly more than I can ask or think through me. I want to be full of His love until it is spilling out onto others who are thirsty or hungry.
But first, this means I must be fed myself. I told Ben I was feeling the need for some attention, he hugged me and I can say I felt better. But I need more than that. I need a hug from God. I need His arms to wrap around me, and I want to feel Him close. Today, I caught a glimpse of that when I held Medina (2 year old). She was crying and I picked her up. She wrapped her little arms around me, put her head on my shoulder and fell fast asleep. That is what I want. I want to fall asleep, because even now I am crying for the needs of this world and I want my daddy to tell me everything is going to be all right. I don’t understand why there is so much suffering sometimes and the task seems so daunting for me alone. But when I am in His arms, I know I am not alone and He cares. We are in this together. My arms are his arms and there is no difference between Him and me.
One of my dogs came up to me an hour ago and licked my hand. Normally, that slimy expression of love repulses me. I know where that tongue has been! Yuck. But today, it was welcomed. I felt a sense of affection and realized that I was being picked out of 21 others to be cherished. My heart melted and two tears slipped down my cheek. How ironic that the things that used to irritate me now have this affect. Who knows, he probably was telling me he had to pee or something.
Anyway, it made me think about the needs that I have to be loved and touched. And may I dare say held. As I think every mother knows, the time comes when all of the touching and cuddling you have given becomes a duty that can drain you immensely. But if a mother stopped giving it, maybe the child would feel as I do today. Lonely? Maybe a little neglected? There is something so vital about receiving affection. Too little attention is paid to it. Even I, a grown up 35-year-old mom feels the need for it. I think a part of me has reverted back to age 6 or so. Everything feels so out of control and I need a hug to make me feel it will be all right. So what is going on that is bringing about this emotion in me?
They are leaving soon. The time is getting closer when I will say goodbye to my new friends. I feel that I am focusing so intently on the day-to-day activities and necessities that the long-term needs have gone somewhat untended to. I make sure that they are fed and dressed (of course the parents to the lions share of this – I just supervise). I make sure that they have clean blankets and towels. I make sure they take showers and use deodorant. And they have learned so quickly. I think perhaps that I am facing the “empty-nest” syndrome! What will happen to them when they leave? Of course, World Relief has assured me that they will be well cared for.
But I am also grieving. When I tried to lay down for a nap, I reflected on the thought that I would love to do this for our families in Global Family Rescue. I have hosted two Bantu families and cared for them. How I would love the opportunity to love on our 220 families the way I have loved on the Somali’s in my own home. I wish they all could have the opportunity that America can offer.
My greatest desire is that any hungry or broken person that crosses my path will find some sustenance. I don’t have the ability to do that, but I know God does. Maybe I will only be able to offer one meal or one kind word. But God is able to do exceedingly more than I can ask or think through me. I want to be full of His love until it is spilling out onto others who are thirsty or hungry.
But first, this means I must be fed myself. I told Ben I was feeling the need for some attention, he hugged me and I can say I felt better. But I need more than that. I need a hug from God. I need His arms to wrap around me, and I want to feel Him close. Today, I caught a glimpse of that when I held Medina (2 year old). She was crying and I picked her up. She wrapped her little arms around me, put her head on my shoulder and fell fast asleep. That is what I want. I want to fall asleep, because even now I am crying for the needs of this world and I want my daddy to tell me everything is going to be all right. I don’t understand why there is so much suffering sometimes and the task seems so daunting for me alone. But when I am in His arms, I know I am not alone and He cares. We are in this together. My arms are his arms and there is no difference between Him and me.
1.31.05
Monday, January 31, 2005
I feel scared. What if having these people in my house somehow jeopardizes my kids? It seems like an absurd thought to have now. But really, I don’t know anything about these people and I feel a little leery about them. I can’t believe I am even saying this. I think the episode I watched of “24” tonight is getting to my head. I mean, they are Islamic. I am a Christian. Our worlds are so different. And I have to say I feel a bit confused about the whole Muslim religion. I guess in a lot of ways they are like Christians. Many people who say they are Christian’s really don’t “practice” their faith. It is more like a tradition. I think it is similar with this family. They don’t wear traditional Muslim clothes (except Mama). They certainly have never prayed at all or even asked which way is East. Maybe I am reflecting on the tension in our country over the religious differences we have.
And yet, here I am taking this risk. I am risking my family for an “alien” (Biblical word for “foreigner”). Of all the people who would be the least likely to take this chance, it would be me. As a child, our house was a haven too. Convicts, witches, and the sexually promiscuous. I believe they would all say they were “recovering”. I can’t say that was completely true in every circumstance. Even being a blue eyed, Youth Pastor’s daughter in an inner city church was hazardous.
Something in me just went cold. My fingers don’t want to type and my heart has slowed. My past lingers in the deepest recesses of my mind, but it regularly reveals itself when fear comes to call. My biggest fear is that something will happen to my children. God forbid. Maybe this all seems highly paranoid. Actually, I fight the demons of false-reality each and every day. The “What if” question I began with says my emotions want to control my reality.
If I back track and close my eyes, I hear the laughter and giggles of children echoing off the gym walls at Highpoint Center. We played there today for an hour and a half. We rolled, spinned, jumped, cart-wheeled, kicked, and threw balls. Finally, we danced. The older children are teaching me traditional dances.
These are not my enemies. No. These are children who are learning to love a Christian. I am a Christian learning to love Muslims. In my mind, I see their eyes closing, mouths agape, rolling on the floor, and laughing hysterically at my ridiculous efforts to do the “marriage dance”. We are students of love and acceptance. We are learning the language of trust when it seems illogical. I can say it is illogical for me personally. But from their viewpoint, wouldn’t it be the same? What experience do they have of a white American family? Who am I to think that I am the only one needing to overcome these fears and paranoia? They are living in a land that used to enslave their kind. How much do they know of that? And the exposure that they have had to America, hasn’t it been about gangsters and criminals? I guess I had never thought about it from their perspective. They could be thinking we are about to steal their belongings or whatever. I don’t know their thoughts, but at least it is worth me considering.
I want to validate my own feelings of protectiveness of my family. That is a God-given feeling. However, I also need to look at this rationally. There has not been any situation in which I have felt threatened by these people. They have been kind and respectful of us, and we to them. The only one I don’t know very much about is Father because he is quiet and not conspicuous. Maybe it is our cultural differences that cause him to be so careful and discerning. However, my children are never alone with the family. This is my own personal boundary that we have enforced.
And so, the emotional energy that I have spent considering the risk is worthwhile but also I know our family has responded to the calling that God gave us all the while knowing He is Emmanuel, God with us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. So as Christians, we go deep to embrace those that we perceive as different either religiously or otherwise. I must look deeper than skin to see what God sees. I must look deeper than a religious category. What does God see when he looks at Abdullahi, Adharo, Majeni, Fartuna, Amina, Fatuma, Halima, Mohammed, Ali, Medina, or Mohammud? Maybe I am crossing the road that the Samaritan crossed to care for Jew that was robbed and beaten. I have considered a more traditional course and if I had chosen to stay on my side of the road, I would never have been able to smile tonight thinking of the new American’s sleeping in my home tonight – Muslim or not.
I feel scared. What if having these people in my house somehow jeopardizes my kids? It seems like an absurd thought to have now. But really, I don’t know anything about these people and I feel a little leery about them. I can’t believe I am even saying this. I think the episode I watched of “24” tonight is getting to my head. I mean, they are Islamic. I am a Christian. Our worlds are so different. And I have to say I feel a bit confused about the whole Muslim religion. I guess in a lot of ways they are like Christians. Many people who say they are Christian’s really don’t “practice” their faith. It is more like a tradition. I think it is similar with this family. They don’t wear traditional Muslim clothes (except Mama). They certainly have never prayed at all or even asked which way is East. Maybe I am reflecting on the tension in our country over the religious differences we have.
And yet, here I am taking this risk. I am risking my family for an “alien” (Biblical word for “foreigner”). Of all the people who would be the least likely to take this chance, it would be me. As a child, our house was a haven too. Convicts, witches, and the sexually promiscuous. I believe they would all say they were “recovering”. I can’t say that was completely true in every circumstance. Even being a blue eyed, Youth Pastor’s daughter in an inner city church was hazardous.
Something in me just went cold. My fingers don’t want to type and my heart has slowed. My past lingers in the deepest recesses of my mind, but it regularly reveals itself when fear comes to call. My biggest fear is that something will happen to my children. God forbid. Maybe this all seems highly paranoid. Actually, I fight the demons of false-reality each and every day. The “What if” question I began with says my emotions want to control my reality.
If I back track and close my eyes, I hear the laughter and giggles of children echoing off the gym walls at Highpoint Center. We played there today for an hour and a half. We rolled, spinned, jumped, cart-wheeled, kicked, and threw balls. Finally, we danced. The older children are teaching me traditional dances.
These are not my enemies. No. These are children who are learning to love a Christian. I am a Christian learning to love Muslims. In my mind, I see their eyes closing, mouths agape, rolling on the floor, and laughing hysterically at my ridiculous efforts to do the “marriage dance”. We are students of love and acceptance. We are learning the language of trust when it seems illogical. I can say it is illogical for me personally. But from their viewpoint, wouldn’t it be the same? What experience do they have of a white American family? Who am I to think that I am the only one needing to overcome these fears and paranoia? They are living in a land that used to enslave their kind. How much do they know of that? And the exposure that they have had to America, hasn’t it been about gangsters and criminals? I guess I had never thought about it from their perspective. They could be thinking we are about to steal their belongings or whatever. I don’t know their thoughts, but at least it is worth me considering.
I want to validate my own feelings of protectiveness of my family. That is a God-given feeling. However, I also need to look at this rationally. There has not been any situation in which I have felt threatened by these people. They have been kind and respectful of us, and we to them. The only one I don’t know very much about is Father because he is quiet and not conspicuous. Maybe it is our cultural differences that cause him to be so careful and discerning. However, my children are never alone with the family. This is my own personal boundary that we have enforced.
And so, the emotional energy that I have spent considering the risk is worthwhile but also I know our family has responded to the calling that God gave us all the while knowing He is Emmanuel, God with us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. So as Christians, we go deep to embrace those that we perceive as different either religiously or otherwise. I must look deeper than skin to see what God sees. I must look deeper than a religious category. What does God see when he looks at Abdullahi, Adharo, Majeni, Fartuna, Amina, Fatuma, Halima, Mohammed, Ali, Medina, or Mohammud? Maybe I am crossing the road that the Samaritan crossed to care for Jew that was robbed and beaten. I have considered a more traditional course and if I had chosen to stay on my side of the road, I would never have been able to smile tonight thinking of the new American’s sleeping in my home tonight – Muslim or not.
1.30.05
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Oh man! It’s the end of January?? I just realized I have a week to compile last year’s info for the tax man. Yikes. Sometimes I don’t like looking at the date, only the day of the week. Especially during weeks like this! I mean, this is taking precedence over everything. With all the food preparation that goes on around here, even getting the kids lunches made for school is a real stretch. I am thankful for “Lunchables”!
And may I add that I am thankful for Spiderman? His web slinging action has kept these refugees attention for hours. The DVD is going to be worn out for sure. Tonight I broke down after the fourth time they watched it and rented Spiderman 2! We tried to get them interested in Lord of the Rings, but I guess they can’t relate to Hobbits. By the time Gandalf died, they begged me for Spiderman. And so, I thank you Tobey Maguire for your excellent acting abilities!
Today was totally screwed up. Our schedule threw the family for a loop. We went to church (yahoo!) and then I had leadership training. Dinner didn’t get started until 4:00 and wasn’t finished until 7:00. Basically half of the family fell asleep before dinner was even served. They are going to be starving tomorrow morning!
Can I just say how annoying infants can be? All they do is eat and cry. Right now, I hear Mohammud screaming his brains out. It’s a wonder Mama sleeps at all. How does she do it? After all these children she still has the capacity to bounce him on her knee or make noises to calm him. I might have given up the ghost by now.
I am laughing at myself right now…does it mean you are going insane when you begin to laugh all by yourself? I feel stir crazy! If I don’t laugh, I think I might cry again. Going to church was so wonderful today and I didn’t want it to end. I think we should extend it, just for people like me who don’t want to go home! But I hear God’s voice saying to me, “Yes Melody, but that is where the real church is.” How true. I am in the church now! It has a crying baby, washing machine in spin cycle, dishwasher swooshing, Spiderman saving Mary Jane, 6 Muslims sleeping, a wet blanket that Ali has “baptized” and one woman declaring it all for God’s glory. Funny things I have in my church. Maybe you can relate to some of that.
Well, Ben is out with a friend and I am going to have some fun watching the movie “Emma” in my bedroom ALONE! Hopefully, Gwyneth Paltrow can drown out some of Mary Jane’s screams downstairs.
Oh man! It’s the end of January?? I just realized I have a week to compile last year’s info for the tax man. Yikes. Sometimes I don’t like looking at the date, only the day of the week. Especially during weeks like this! I mean, this is taking precedence over everything. With all the food preparation that goes on around here, even getting the kids lunches made for school is a real stretch. I am thankful for “Lunchables”!
And may I add that I am thankful for Spiderman? His web slinging action has kept these refugees attention for hours. The DVD is going to be worn out for sure. Tonight I broke down after the fourth time they watched it and rented Spiderman 2! We tried to get them interested in Lord of the Rings, but I guess they can’t relate to Hobbits. By the time Gandalf died, they begged me for Spiderman. And so, I thank you Tobey Maguire for your excellent acting abilities!
Today was totally screwed up. Our schedule threw the family for a loop. We went to church (yahoo!) and then I had leadership training. Dinner didn’t get started until 4:00 and wasn’t finished until 7:00. Basically half of the family fell asleep before dinner was even served. They are going to be starving tomorrow morning!
Can I just say how annoying infants can be? All they do is eat and cry. Right now, I hear Mohammud screaming his brains out. It’s a wonder Mama sleeps at all. How does she do it? After all these children she still has the capacity to bounce him on her knee or make noises to calm him. I might have given up the ghost by now.
I am laughing at myself right now…does it mean you are going insane when you begin to laugh all by yourself? I feel stir crazy! If I don’t laugh, I think I might cry again. Going to church was so wonderful today and I didn’t want it to end. I think we should extend it, just for people like me who don’t want to go home! But I hear God’s voice saying to me, “Yes Melody, but that is where the real church is.” How true. I am in the church now! It has a crying baby, washing machine in spin cycle, dishwasher swooshing, Spiderman saving Mary Jane, 6 Muslims sleeping, a wet blanket that Ali has “baptized” and one woman declaring it all for God’s glory. Funny things I have in my church. Maybe you can relate to some of that.
Well, Ben is out with a friend and I am going to have some fun watching the movie “Emma” in my bedroom ALONE! Hopefully, Gwyneth Paltrow can drown out some of Mary Jane’s screams downstairs.
1.29.05
Saturday, January 29, 2005
There comes a time in everyone’s life when you start wondering if you have done it all right. Have you even done anything right? Maybe the entire foundation of why I have lived my life this way or that is off. Maybe I had it wrong. I have begun to question the way I have raised my kids.
Don’t get me wrong, my kids are really great. I think they are fairly responsible for their age, caring, and I do recognize when they are “others-focused”. There is growth emotionally, spiritually and physically. And yet, I….wait….I am starting to compare them. That isn’t right to do. But something doesn’t feel right. Something feels terribly wrong.
American kids have things at their finger tips. I could talk about their toys, clothes and things. But I am thinking more about when a child hasn’t received food or water (the basics), what happens to them? What changes?
Well, yesterday Ben and Fartun (oldest girl) were cooking and Mohammed (7 yrs) was standing by the counter looking forlorn. I actually thought he was sick. He was dead quiet and he looked hollow. His white eyes were looking so large and sad. They stood out in stark contrast to his dark skin. He just stood there with no words or tears. He solemnly looked on as Ben continued to cook. I asked Fartun, “What is wrong with Mohammed?” She said, “He hungers.”
Those words haunt me. Even now, my throat tightens as I choke back the tears. He did not cry out, he was not impatient or demanding. There was food all around him and yet he held himself like a grown man would. I hear her say again, “He hungers.” It was said factually, not emotionally. I heard her say it as if she had said it a hundred times before. And he never reached out for help. What was he thinking? I reached out to hold him and Ben pulled out a piece of cooked meat and handed it to him. He received it graciously and ate it – it wasn’t hurried but savored.
And so in this lies my dilemma. I can not get that moment out of my head. I can not imagine what it was like for these children to live in a refugee camp for 8 years. They hungered but were forced to wait. And what is the result? They didn’t die, but they became incredibly patient and forbearing in nature because they suffered in hunger on a regular basis.
Now, do I want to have my children experience that? No. By all means, no! I can’t imagine the pain of watching my children stare at me with those hollow eyes. But I have imagined giving my children less. Who ever heard of waiting for anything in America?
And what does God mean when He says that He will provide? Has Mohammed cried out to God for food or water? And maybe the reason Mohammed doesn’t cry out any longer is that he knows there is a possibility it will not come. My heart is broken. While I am relieved to be feeding my Mohammed, there are millions who hunger or thirst. I have seen them myself in Rwanda. I spent a month after I returned in depression thinking of all the excess that would serve that country.
What was the result? I concluded that God is sovereign. That seems so callous, but I had to trust God that He would do as He said. He is the “Father to the fatherless.” I could go crazy thinking about the millions…but for now, I think about my 11. These are my 11. Have you found your 11? I mean, in your heart – deep down where no one can see the tears you shed for them? Have you reached that place in you that can’t bare to stand by and merely watch? Where is that place for you?
I am changed again. I stand before God, and cry out for the ability to feed more. There are so many who need and we have so much. Of course, hunger may not be physical, maybe it is emotional. Who is in need around you? Who hungers? You may be the very hand that can cure the hollowness.
And now I see myself. When I would not even speak a word and I was starving for God. I sat back with an empty heart and then He saw me! Thank God, He saw me. Wow! I am grateful. I am so grateful.
There have been numerous CCC families who have made these refugees “THEIR 11” too. Just today we had 3 families come to minister in different ways. Food, house-sitting, and clothing needs. These people make me proud to be a part of CCC. We don’t believe in doing ANYTHING small. One friend took most of the kids with me to see “Shark Tale” at the cinema. Ali, the 5 year old, sat on her lap and fell fast asleep half way through. It was so adorable! He was absolutely comfortable and relaxed. He was SO relaxed he relieved his bladder! It was the funniest thing when she calmly turned around to me and said, “Hey, I have a very wet lap – does that mean I get extra points?” I wish everyone in the church could have this experience. Not necessarily having a refugee pee on you! But the part of saying “Help me!” You would not believe the quality people at this church who will stand by you as a complete stranger and hold you up! Thank you God for CCC! (Oh yeah, Kevin! You are the silliest cook I have ever met! Awesome peas!)
There comes a time in everyone’s life when you start wondering if you have done it all right. Have you even done anything right? Maybe the entire foundation of why I have lived my life this way or that is off. Maybe I had it wrong. I have begun to question the way I have raised my kids.
Don’t get me wrong, my kids are really great. I think they are fairly responsible for their age, caring, and I do recognize when they are “others-focused”. There is growth emotionally, spiritually and physically. And yet, I….wait….I am starting to compare them. That isn’t right to do. But something doesn’t feel right. Something feels terribly wrong.
American kids have things at their finger tips. I could talk about their toys, clothes and things. But I am thinking more about when a child hasn’t received food or water (the basics), what happens to them? What changes?
Well, yesterday Ben and Fartun (oldest girl) were cooking and Mohammed (7 yrs) was standing by the counter looking forlorn. I actually thought he was sick. He was dead quiet and he looked hollow. His white eyes were looking so large and sad. They stood out in stark contrast to his dark skin. He just stood there with no words or tears. He solemnly looked on as Ben continued to cook. I asked Fartun, “What is wrong with Mohammed?” She said, “He hungers.”
Those words haunt me. Even now, my throat tightens as I choke back the tears. He did not cry out, he was not impatient or demanding. There was food all around him and yet he held himself like a grown man would. I hear her say again, “He hungers.” It was said factually, not emotionally. I heard her say it as if she had said it a hundred times before. And he never reached out for help. What was he thinking? I reached out to hold him and Ben pulled out a piece of cooked meat and handed it to him. He received it graciously and ate it – it wasn’t hurried but savored.
And so in this lies my dilemma. I can not get that moment out of my head. I can not imagine what it was like for these children to live in a refugee camp for 8 years. They hungered but were forced to wait. And what is the result? They didn’t die, but they became incredibly patient and forbearing in nature because they suffered in hunger on a regular basis.
Now, do I want to have my children experience that? No. By all means, no! I can’t imagine the pain of watching my children stare at me with those hollow eyes. But I have imagined giving my children less. Who ever heard of waiting for anything in America?
And what does God mean when He says that He will provide? Has Mohammed cried out to God for food or water? And maybe the reason Mohammed doesn’t cry out any longer is that he knows there is a possibility it will not come. My heart is broken. While I am relieved to be feeding my Mohammed, there are millions who hunger or thirst. I have seen them myself in Rwanda. I spent a month after I returned in depression thinking of all the excess that would serve that country.
What was the result? I concluded that God is sovereign. That seems so callous, but I had to trust God that He would do as He said. He is the “Father to the fatherless.” I could go crazy thinking about the millions…but for now, I think about my 11. These are my 11. Have you found your 11? I mean, in your heart – deep down where no one can see the tears you shed for them? Have you reached that place in you that can’t bare to stand by and merely watch? Where is that place for you?
I am changed again. I stand before God, and cry out for the ability to feed more. There are so many who need and we have so much. Of course, hunger may not be physical, maybe it is emotional. Who is in need around you? Who hungers? You may be the very hand that can cure the hollowness.
And now I see myself. When I would not even speak a word and I was starving for God. I sat back with an empty heart and then He saw me! Thank God, He saw me. Wow! I am grateful. I am so grateful.
There have been numerous CCC families who have made these refugees “THEIR 11” too. Just today we had 3 families come to minister in different ways. Food, house-sitting, and clothing needs. These people make me proud to be a part of CCC. We don’t believe in doing ANYTHING small. One friend took most of the kids with me to see “Shark Tale” at the cinema. Ali, the 5 year old, sat on her lap and fell fast asleep half way through. It was so adorable! He was absolutely comfortable and relaxed. He was SO relaxed he relieved his bladder! It was the funniest thing when she calmly turned around to me and said, “Hey, I have a very wet lap – does that mean I get extra points?” I wish everyone in the church could have this experience. Not necessarily having a refugee pee on you! But the part of saying “Help me!” You would not believe the quality people at this church who will stand by you as a complete stranger and hold you up! Thank you God for CCC! (Oh yeah, Kevin! You are the silliest cook I have ever met! Awesome peas!)
1.28.05
Friday, January 28, 2005
I picked up reading “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers today. I was half way through the book 6 months ago and couldn’t finish it. I felt a connection with the main character that was too frightening for me to overcome. OK, you are asking…”When in the world did you have time to do that?”
Well, this morning I woke up crying. Have you ever had one of those days? The sunrise brought responsibility that I felt I couldn’t bare. I dragged myself into the shower. I dragged myself out of the shower. When it was time, I stepped pensively down the staircase where I knew the dreaded scenario would occur. The minute I appeared, I was beckoned to “start a fire” (basically just turn on the stove!). This is when you have to do the right thing. I promptly yelled upstairs, “BEN, Mama needs your help!” I took this opportunity to scramble out the door with 4 kids in tow to drop them at school. I don’t think I smiled until 9:00. Do you know what happened at 9:00?? Ben called me on the cell phone and said, “No need to hurry home. You go spend some time at Panera Bread and relax.” These are the moments every wife cherishes. He was in control and unafraid. He was totally in his element. He saved me (or at least it felt that way to me). I don’t think I had even talked to him yet, other than of course the yell for help. How does he do that?
I really think I need mood stabilizing medication! I cried at Panera Bread while I was eating Broccoli Cheddar soup for goodness sake! I was so happy just to be eating alone and no one was slurping or burping. It was absolutely heavenly.
I called Ben at 11:30 and he suggested I stay out longer. I was so tired from eating my soup that I needed a nap! At least, that was my intention when I came back home. But I was so recharged by seeing all the smiling happy faces, I didn’t go back upstairs. I love these kids. I truly do. They are so wonderful. I have never seen such a cooperative family. They all work together and know their place. They all are necessary for survival together.
While I was gone, I found out Ben had entertained all 8 children (the adults left with the baby for a doctor’s appt. and public aid appt.) by video taping them (while on the phone with John McDavitt) singing and dancing, playing it live on the big screen and then replaying it on T.V. over and over. They were so happy and joyous.
We also talked at length today to Majeni (oldest son). He was telling us a little about the time they spent in Kakuma (8 years). They have lived in difficult circumstances to say the least. They lived in a mud hut. There were thieves everywhere, stealing whatever food, bedding, clothes they could. But what amazed me most was the fact that Father had to transport people on his bike for pennies per kilometer. It took him 10 days to save enough money to buy beans (what Majeni called meat). Occasionally, they would buy goat or camel meat. Ben and I couldn’t contain our “EEeeewww!” noises.
According to the girls, they have never been personally attacked. They have been afraid of it for years. Amina’s (15 yr old girl) eyes darted back and forth as if she was afraid and said, “If a man comes to take you and your Father won’t concede, he is shot.”…A dangerous place to be indeed.
At 4:30 we played soccer with some friends of ours. Their kids attend school with our kids. You should have seen all of them (19 kids). A sport is a great way to break down barriers! There was initial discomfort, but as soon as the teams were made, it was just as if we had always been together. Even when we were finished, the kids all gathered around to drink juice together. No tension was noted. It was wonderful to experience this.
My day has ended so sweetly. I feel like things are running more smoothly. We are beginning to read each other and have a rhythm. Did you know it is possible to live in sync with people that don’t even speak your language (or eat like you, or smell like you?)? There is mutual respect and admiration that I feel has developed quickly and I regard them highly.
I am very different from them though. I need time and space. When I told them that my children were spending the night over at friend’s houses, they were shocked. This is not at all like their culture. They are always together and family is never separated unless it is life or death. After a lot of thinking today, I think it was great for me to want that time and space. I was a new person with 2 hours of free time under my belt! I was talking to a friend today (I sat on my couch and poured my guts out, she should have charged me!), and basically I said that this whole experience comes down to my own growth. It really has very little to do with the refugees. The importance is the examination of my response to needs that are around me. And that examination is sometimes a painful experience. But I found out today that I love being me right now. I live in a free country, with a great family, a fantastic church, and good friends that serve God. We really are changing the world one family at a time!
I picked up reading “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers today. I was half way through the book 6 months ago and couldn’t finish it. I felt a connection with the main character that was too frightening for me to overcome. OK, you are asking…”When in the world did you have time to do that?”
Well, this morning I woke up crying. Have you ever had one of those days? The sunrise brought responsibility that I felt I couldn’t bare. I dragged myself into the shower. I dragged myself out of the shower. When it was time, I stepped pensively down the staircase where I knew the dreaded scenario would occur. The minute I appeared, I was beckoned to “start a fire” (basically just turn on the stove!). This is when you have to do the right thing. I promptly yelled upstairs, “BEN, Mama needs your help!” I took this opportunity to scramble out the door with 4 kids in tow to drop them at school. I don’t think I smiled until 9:00. Do you know what happened at 9:00?? Ben called me on the cell phone and said, “No need to hurry home. You go spend some time at Panera Bread and relax.” These are the moments every wife cherishes. He was in control and unafraid. He was totally in his element. He saved me (or at least it felt that way to me). I don’t think I had even talked to him yet, other than of course the yell for help. How does he do that?
I really think I need mood stabilizing medication! I cried at Panera Bread while I was eating Broccoli Cheddar soup for goodness sake! I was so happy just to be eating alone and no one was slurping or burping. It was absolutely heavenly.
I called Ben at 11:30 and he suggested I stay out longer. I was so tired from eating my soup that I needed a nap! At least, that was my intention when I came back home. But I was so recharged by seeing all the smiling happy faces, I didn’t go back upstairs. I love these kids. I truly do. They are so wonderful. I have never seen such a cooperative family. They all work together and know their place. They all are necessary for survival together.
While I was gone, I found out Ben had entertained all 8 children (the adults left with the baby for a doctor’s appt. and public aid appt.) by video taping them (while on the phone with John McDavitt) singing and dancing, playing it live on the big screen and then replaying it on T.V. over and over. They were so happy and joyous.
We also talked at length today to Majeni (oldest son). He was telling us a little about the time they spent in Kakuma (8 years). They have lived in difficult circumstances to say the least. They lived in a mud hut. There were thieves everywhere, stealing whatever food, bedding, clothes they could. But what amazed me most was the fact that Father had to transport people on his bike for pennies per kilometer. It took him 10 days to save enough money to buy beans (what Majeni called meat). Occasionally, they would buy goat or camel meat. Ben and I couldn’t contain our “EEeeewww!” noises.
According to the girls, they have never been personally attacked. They have been afraid of it for years. Amina’s (15 yr old girl) eyes darted back and forth as if she was afraid and said, “If a man comes to take you and your Father won’t concede, he is shot.”…A dangerous place to be indeed.
At 4:30 we played soccer with some friends of ours. Their kids attend school with our kids. You should have seen all of them (19 kids). A sport is a great way to break down barriers! There was initial discomfort, but as soon as the teams were made, it was just as if we had always been together. Even when we were finished, the kids all gathered around to drink juice together. No tension was noted. It was wonderful to experience this.
My day has ended so sweetly. I feel like things are running more smoothly. We are beginning to read each other and have a rhythm. Did you know it is possible to live in sync with people that don’t even speak your language (or eat like you, or smell like you?)? There is mutual respect and admiration that I feel has developed quickly and I regard them highly.
I am very different from them though. I need time and space. When I told them that my children were spending the night over at friend’s houses, they were shocked. This is not at all like their culture. They are always together and family is never separated unless it is life or death. After a lot of thinking today, I think it was great for me to want that time and space. I was a new person with 2 hours of free time under my belt! I was talking to a friend today (I sat on my couch and poured my guts out, she should have charged me!), and basically I said that this whole experience comes down to my own growth. It really has very little to do with the refugees. The importance is the examination of my response to needs that are around me. And that examination is sometimes a painful experience. But I found out today that I love being me right now. I live in a free country, with a great family, a fantastic church, and good friends that serve God. We really are changing the world one family at a time!
1.27.05
Thursday, January 27, 2005
I had to turn off the lights in my bedroom to type this. My room has a mountain of half folded clothes scattering every inch of floor and I just can’t do any more today. I need time to be alone. I have reached my limit of people today. Even hearing my son brush his teeth in the other bathroom is getting under my skin. Peace and quiet – PLEASE!
Last time I had refugees in my house it truly changed me. It was so new and the bond was so unexpected. This time I think I feel less zealous and in general I feel some guilt over that. I feel confused and unfocused. Maybe it is because I am feeling overwhelmed and yet I am more laid back this time around (being high strung might have its benefits I guess!)
Last time, we planned a month for the arrival. I had prepped myself for as many contingencies as possible (none of which occurred!). This stay has been easier and harder at the exact same time. It is easier because this family takes care of itself. They want to cook, clean, and diaper their babies (3 different diaper sizes). They want to drive and learn to read and write. It is harder because I cannot keep track of all their stuff (in addition to all my families stuff). And maybe it is harder because I had 4 adults last time (we have 4 extra children comparatively).
Today we woke up to the whole family cleaning their area (even floors!). They had already made their beds and Majeni (19 year old son) was out shoveling our driveway. How did he know to do that?? After he shoveled, he swept the remaining lines of snow away. He is such a diligent worker.
I also went to the store today to pick up a prescription (and it wasn’t for anxiety either!) and decided to take the two oldest girls (15 and 17) with me. They were silent in the “market”. Their eyes were enormous. But I think that wasn’t just because the store was so big, but also because they felt so small. They have so much to adjust to and they felt intimidated by the big, glaring billboards, the elevator music playing in the background, the amount of items on every inch of the shelves and then you add to that the people interaction! Whew! I looked at Jewel for the first time through foreign eyes. There really are so many gimmicks; it made it hard to see the products.
The biggest thing that stood out to me today (other than hand-applying deodorant at 3:00) was when I offered Fartun (17 year old girl) a Coca-Cola. She said “yes” immediately. I was so excited because she didn’t want to buy anything else (we were looking for any familiar food items they might enjoy). When we got home I was doing something in the kitchen and I looked up only to see Mama nursing baby Mohammud and drinking the Coke.
How unselfish…would I have done that? Would I go someplace so far away from home and not think to satisfy my own desires before others? I mean, she could have asked for 2 Cokes, but she wouldn’t think to overburden me. What is this thing that I have lost, this uncompromising love for others? This giving approach to life, this unquenchable thirst for embracing devotion? It is too cliché to say that it inspired me. I am praying for God to make me that loyal.
The shower was discovered today. Mama gasped when I pulled up the shower knob and it sprayed through the head above. Mama also played soccer with my Michael today (when was the last time I did that??). I gave the girls “homework” of handwriting (they did SO well). Ben took the men to the African market and bought goat meat and some crazy looking dried fish thing. I couldn’t eat the chicken I made because I couldn’t stop gawking at them while they ate their boney goat! OK, pizza is sounding really good right now.
Ben also took Majeni to a parking lot for driving lessons. Ok, remember he is 19, and wanting to go on 35. Majeni had trouble distinguishing between the brake and the accelerator! Ben almost had a heart attack when he floored it and almost ran our minivan into a snow bank. Ben said that he had to ask him to take off his new boots because they were to heavy to “sense” the power of the gas pedal. LOL!
Oh! And a crisis may be revealing itself. The baby has pink eye. PINK EYE! And guess what? Our Michael has it too! Uh Oh! Hopefully it won’t spread like the bubonic plague with all these people so close to each other.
Well, this has been rewarding. I feel more appreciative and less drained. I just want to send big thanks out to everyone who has called, emailed or dropped by. God bless you and thank you for your assistance! We literally could not do this with out you. We are his hands and feet, all of us. Christ is with us.
I had to turn off the lights in my bedroom to type this. My room has a mountain of half folded clothes scattering every inch of floor and I just can’t do any more today. I need time to be alone. I have reached my limit of people today. Even hearing my son brush his teeth in the other bathroom is getting under my skin. Peace and quiet – PLEASE!
Last time I had refugees in my house it truly changed me. It was so new and the bond was so unexpected. This time I think I feel less zealous and in general I feel some guilt over that. I feel confused and unfocused. Maybe it is because I am feeling overwhelmed and yet I am more laid back this time around (being high strung might have its benefits I guess!)
Last time, we planned a month for the arrival. I had prepped myself for as many contingencies as possible (none of which occurred!). This stay has been easier and harder at the exact same time. It is easier because this family takes care of itself. They want to cook, clean, and diaper their babies (3 different diaper sizes). They want to drive and learn to read and write. It is harder because I cannot keep track of all their stuff (in addition to all my families stuff). And maybe it is harder because I had 4 adults last time (we have 4 extra children comparatively).
Today we woke up to the whole family cleaning their area (even floors!). They had already made their beds and Majeni (19 year old son) was out shoveling our driveway. How did he know to do that?? After he shoveled, he swept the remaining lines of snow away. He is such a diligent worker.
I also went to the store today to pick up a prescription (and it wasn’t for anxiety either!) and decided to take the two oldest girls (15 and 17) with me. They were silent in the “market”. Their eyes were enormous. But I think that wasn’t just because the store was so big, but also because they felt so small. They have so much to adjust to and they felt intimidated by the big, glaring billboards, the elevator music playing in the background, the amount of items on every inch of the shelves and then you add to that the people interaction! Whew! I looked at Jewel for the first time through foreign eyes. There really are so many gimmicks; it made it hard to see the products.
The biggest thing that stood out to me today (other than hand-applying deodorant at 3:00) was when I offered Fartun (17 year old girl) a Coca-Cola. She said “yes” immediately. I was so excited because she didn’t want to buy anything else (we were looking for any familiar food items they might enjoy). When we got home I was doing something in the kitchen and I looked up only to see Mama nursing baby Mohammud and drinking the Coke.
How unselfish…would I have done that? Would I go someplace so far away from home and not think to satisfy my own desires before others? I mean, she could have asked for 2 Cokes, but she wouldn’t think to overburden me. What is this thing that I have lost, this uncompromising love for others? This giving approach to life, this unquenchable thirst for embracing devotion? It is too cliché to say that it inspired me. I am praying for God to make me that loyal.
The shower was discovered today. Mama gasped when I pulled up the shower knob and it sprayed through the head above. Mama also played soccer with my Michael today (when was the last time I did that??). I gave the girls “homework” of handwriting (they did SO well). Ben took the men to the African market and bought goat meat and some crazy looking dried fish thing. I couldn’t eat the chicken I made because I couldn’t stop gawking at them while they ate their boney goat! OK, pizza is sounding really good right now.
Ben also took Majeni to a parking lot for driving lessons. Ok, remember he is 19, and wanting to go on 35. Majeni had trouble distinguishing between the brake and the accelerator! Ben almost had a heart attack when he floored it and almost ran our minivan into a snow bank. Ben said that he had to ask him to take off his new boots because they were to heavy to “sense” the power of the gas pedal. LOL!
Oh! And a crisis may be revealing itself. The baby has pink eye. PINK EYE! And guess what? Our Michael has it too! Uh Oh! Hopefully it won’t spread like the bubonic plague with all these people so close to each other.
Well, this has been rewarding. I feel more appreciative and less drained. I just want to send big thanks out to everyone who has called, emailed or dropped by. God bless you and thank you for your assistance! We literally could not do this with out you. We are his hands and feet, all of us. Christ is with us.
1.26.05
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
I can’t believe what happened today. It hasn’t really sunk in that I have 21 people fast asleep under our roof. We are internationally outnumbered for certain. There are more people in this house speaking a foreign language than there are people speaking English. There are beds in every room in this house except the kitchen and bathroom. A total of 14 beds and over 30 blankets are currently in use. For every adult there are nearly 3 children to care for with 90% of them being under 12. And guess what, I wouldn’t have it any other way!
This family is amazing. Not at all what I had expected. The moment Father came in, the smiles didn’t stop. They are honestly the most gracious people I have experienced. These people have been traveling for over 2 days on long flights with 9 kids and they still smile? I don’t get it. The patience they have is stellar. Father is very in tune with the family. He is connected with the babies and carries them around (even when they are crying!) He loves his wife and that is obvious because he served her some pasta tonight (a cultural no-no) and he also got up with her when the baby began to cry. The oldest son, Majeni speaks very good English. He was a translator for the refugee camp they lived in for 8 years. This is a huge benefit to us and we are so grateful when this easy communication.
The most interesting response to the family was from my own children. Amber, Nate, Mike and Hope ignored social stigmas, body odor, cultural clashes, and language by immediately opening their hearts to these unknown friends. I will never forget the sound of squealing and laughter they had as they raced across the blow-up beds to tackle each other. Do you know that children have a language all their own and it definitely is not English or Swahili? Children laugh so easily with others and they don’t even have to form a word that is understood. They chase, jump and run all through our crowded house as if there is no difference between them. I envy their care-free reactions.
Today we learned that there is no place like home. Home is where I care for my family and friends. And now, home is where my family cares for their friends too.
Everyone is sleeping now. One by one they all crawled toward a bed and fell asleep. We took a step to help and it really seems a little too comfortable. Shouldn’t there be a crisis or something? Maybe that will come tomorrow! For now, I sleep also - the 21st person to find a warm bed here tonight.
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power and love!”
I can’t believe what happened today. It hasn’t really sunk in that I have 21 people fast asleep under our roof. We are internationally outnumbered for certain. There are more people in this house speaking a foreign language than there are people speaking English. There are beds in every room in this house except the kitchen and bathroom. A total of 14 beds and over 30 blankets are currently in use. For every adult there are nearly 3 children to care for with 90% of them being under 12. And guess what, I wouldn’t have it any other way!
This family is amazing. Not at all what I had expected. The moment Father came in, the smiles didn’t stop. They are honestly the most gracious people I have experienced. These people have been traveling for over 2 days on long flights with 9 kids and they still smile? I don’t get it. The patience they have is stellar. Father is very in tune with the family. He is connected with the babies and carries them around (even when they are crying!) He loves his wife and that is obvious because he served her some pasta tonight (a cultural no-no) and he also got up with her when the baby began to cry. The oldest son, Majeni speaks very good English. He was a translator for the refugee camp they lived in for 8 years. This is a huge benefit to us and we are so grateful when this easy communication.
The most interesting response to the family was from my own children. Amber, Nate, Mike and Hope ignored social stigmas, body odor, cultural clashes, and language by immediately opening their hearts to these unknown friends. I will never forget the sound of squealing and laughter they had as they raced across the blow-up beds to tackle each other. Do you know that children have a language all their own and it definitely is not English or Swahili? Children laugh so easily with others and they don’t even have to form a word that is understood. They chase, jump and run all through our crowded house as if there is no difference between them. I envy their care-free reactions.
Today we learned that there is no place like home. Home is where I care for my family and friends. And now, home is where my family cares for their friends too.
Everyone is sleeping now. One by one they all crawled toward a bed and fell asleep. We took a step to help and it really seems a little too comfortable. Shouldn’t there be a crisis or something? Maybe that will come tomorrow! For now, I sleep also - the 21st person to find a warm bed here tonight.
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power and love!”
1.25.2005
Tuesday, January 26, 2005 (12:30 am)
Ok, it is official. I have lost my mind. This afternoon I was completely at peace with this whole situation. Now I am screaming my head off when I find no sheets, blow up beds or towels that were supposed to be brought here tonight. I have raised such a ruckus that even Providence has now woken up and gone in search of the items (oh the scorn of a woman in preparation of house guests!).
I have lost sight of what will happen in 24 hours: 21 people will find the silence deafening after a day “organized” chaos. 9 Somali children will be sleeping soundly (with or without a pillow, blanket or mattress) with their parents nearby. 2 parents will breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the journey from Africa to America has ended (but we know that it has really just started). 6 Pahlow’s will be tired of speaking Swahili. But all will be warm and fed. And maybe, with luck, some of us will even smell clean after a hot shower.
And now, here I am freaking out over these seemingly basic things that to me seem “needed”. I wonder - does a refugee know to be disappointed if there isn’t a towel, pillow or mattress waiting for them? Shouldn’t the focus be that these people will be breathing free air for the first time in their lives? They will never be the same. There will be no more desperation to survive. No more starvation, disease, and war. There will be opportunity and helping hands.
But here I am, just the same, angry that I don’t have what I want in place. Well, are these “basic needs” for my comfort or for theirs? Why isn’t offering my home enough? I think I have an appallingly higher standard than they have.
And so, I leave you tonight with these thoughts. What is it that I really need? How different are my needs from the needs of a slave, living in a tent, eating one pile of mush a day, and surviving the day only to go to sleep in the dust? I am humbled. If all I can offer is my floor and a meal, my job is complete. Do I have courage to trust that it is enough for a refugee OR for even me?
Ok, it is official. I have lost my mind. This afternoon I was completely at peace with this whole situation. Now I am screaming my head off when I find no sheets, blow up beds or towels that were supposed to be brought here tonight. I have raised such a ruckus that even Providence has now woken up and gone in search of the items (oh the scorn of a woman in preparation of house guests!).
I have lost sight of what will happen in 24 hours: 21 people will find the silence deafening after a day “organized” chaos. 9 Somali children will be sleeping soundly (with or without a pillow, blanket or mattress) with their parents nearby. 2 parents will breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the journey from Africa to America has ended (but we know that it has really just started). 6 Pahlow’s will be tired of speaking Swahili. But all will be warm and fed. And maybe, with luck, some of us will even smell clean after a hot shower.
And now, here I am freaking out over these seemingly basic things that to me seem “needed”. I wonder - does a refugee know to be disappointed if there isn’t a towel, pillow or mattress waiting for them? Shouldn’t the focus be that these people will be breathing free air for the first time in their lives? They will never be the same. There will be no more desperation to survive. No more starvation, disease, and war. There will be opportunity and helping hands.
But here I am, just the same, angry that I don’t have what I want in place. Well, are these “basic needs” for my comfort or for theirs? Why isn’t offering my home enough? I think I have an appallingly higher standard than they have.
And so, I leave you tonight with these thoughts. What is it that I really need? How different are my needs from the needs of a slave, living in a tent, eating one pile of mush a day, and surviving the day only to go to sleep in the dust? I am humbled. If all I can offer is my floor and a meal, my job is complete. Do I have courage to trust that it is enough for a refugee OR for even me?
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