6.14.2005

I don’t feel capable of expressing in words all of the emotions of one day. I feel like America is so far away and I am living a dream.

We woke up early and drove back to Bunyana. In order to get to Bunyana, we had to; drive 1 hour to O’Hare, fly 7 ½ hours to Brussels, fly another 8 ½ hours to Kigali, drive ½ hour to our house, drive another 3 hours to Byumba Province, and finally walk 1 hour over a mountain and into Bunyana Village. With all that said, I feel like my experiences here are lost in translation. Being where we were today was absolutely the most surreal feeling. I can’t even say I know the woman in the pictures I am sending. Who is that bending over and mixing water, grass and mud to make house bricks?? Who is that white person that kissed the hands of the diseased and crippled? I can’t possibly be the one that embraced men and women that smelled so strongly of sweat and hard labor. But it looks like me! It is obvious that God has strengthened all of us tremendously. He truly has given us all a heart of love for these people.

Today we helped in building a home for a widow with eight children. Her name is Constance. She is quiet and shy. She also broke her wrist severely almost a year ago. A goat she received from a widow’s organization pulled away from her and the wrist gave. She did not travel to the doctor or clinic because she had no means to do it. So, she suffered the break without medication, a cast or any medical care. She also was totally distressed because her employment was picking up rocks and transporting them on her head in order to support her family. She could no longer provide. And so, the biggest miracle occurred. She received a "sponsorship" from America. It was an amazing moment of breakthrough for her. When all appeared lost, God rescued her. And He used Ben and I to do it. We are her sponsors. She is the first sponsored family for GFR.

Although I would like to say that all is well with Constance and her family, that would be far from the truth. I am totally unsatisfied with a mud home (which is being constructed), only 2 goats, one set of good clothes, a pot, a table and two chairs, medical insurance, a small bee hive business, a latrine, etc. These items are absolutely unacceptable to a very spoiled American. She doesn’t even eat chocolate! I later despondently looked over to Ben and said, "the sponsorship isn’t enough".

OK, is this the moment I will say GFR is not working?? Well, as our team began walking over the mountain to other nearby families…I began reconsidering my initial opinion. It is difficult for you to know this without seeing it, but truly she is doing very well. Her children go to school, they eat and can afford to plan for a future. They have what they need to survive. And they have so much more than others in the area. But when I compare her life to mine, she is still impoverished. Again, I need to rebalance my thoughts as a westerner. This plan is not about making them into American’s. It is about giving them an opportunity to provide for themselves by putting our hands beneath their feet as they scale the wall of destitution and love them through it all. Today I felt love for Constance. I loved her enough to put aside my western ideas of need and meet her where she was, in the mud.

We met with several other families as we made it back to the truck. We met with wonderful happy families who were so grateful to God for our organization. It has given them hope for a new life. We laughed and played. Jake raced children up a hill (he won), Angela sifted beans and scooped mud (never loosing a smile), Kim snapped precious pictures over an over until her finger was sore (she is so famous with the kids), Ben smacked the bean pile until he pulled a hamstring muscle (he is still rubbing it tonight), and I sit and reflect on a day that I never expected Melody Atkinson Pahlow could endure (and actually love it).

Never give up. Believe in what God can do through you. He has empowered us beyond our wildest expectations and we can’t stop praising Him for it. This has been figuratively and literally a mountain top experience. God loves us TOO MUCH ("Chanay" as they say here in Rwanda).

OK, Ben here interupting Melody's diary...Today was one of the most incredible days of my ENTIRE life. Getting your hands dirty for Jesus...watching a community come together to help us help this beautiful widow, looking into eyes that had no hope, and seeing hope for the first time, seeing real joy, not fake plastic joy...Unbelievable! I had one moment that is hard for me to describe even the day after...We had to clear a few bananna trees to get to good dirt to make the mud bricks, and we used a Machette. The moment I placed it in my hand, I trembled. As many of you know, this was the main tool used to take the lives of over 1 million precious people, and I had quick flash of terrible images of the tradegy rush through my mind, pushing tears out my eyes, and splashing them on the mud we were mixing. God Please protect this country from ever having such devestation again.

With all our love and kisses,

Ben, Melody and TEAM