6.13.2005

It is 10:00 p.m. and I am sitting in my room underneath a mosquito net… I hear some kind of cricket chirping away outside my iron barred windows. The bars are in a sort of diamond shape. It is quiet, except for the sound of the others talking and laughing over the slide show of pictures from today and yesterday. I have asked for a few minutes to reflect over a day filled with wonderful people and activities. My fingers are racing over the keyboard trying to keep up with my thoughts.

First I must describe how I felt in the city today when two widows stood at the side of our truck and spoke in raspy voices begging and pointing to their stomachs. They had babies also. They are considered street people who are barely surviving except for the generosity of others. I can not tell you what they looked like. I could not even look into their eyes. But I can tell you that the one baby reached out his hand to touch the mirror of our car and I was stunned. I was completely spellbound as I watched his hand reach out weakly to flatten his fingers against the reflection. It was so terrifying. I have never seen a baby so thin. The fingers were like those of a newborn, tiny and frail and yet I know the child was over three years old. He spread his fingers out and I saw nothing but bone and a trace amount of skin. It looked white to me, even though he was clearly Rwandan. The most frustrating feeling is knowing that if you reach out to them with money, you risk being arrested. Rwanda is taking their clean city policy very seriously and it is dangerous to promote begging by succumbing to it. At the same time, it is also so difficult to give something and know that there will be a fight over it and you put the very person you are trying to help in danger. I know this first hand because yesterday one of us gave a bottle of water to a little girl and she had it ripped from her fingers. Though she punched, kicked and screamed (AGAIN… this is for WATER) the boy tore away. My heart breaks knowing that the baby and his mother are starving tonight. But I also feel guilty for not taking the chance to help.

What is worse? Believing I can’t do much and sit at home? Or come here and see it first hand and NOT help in every situation that arises? It is a dilemma.

Today was spent unlike any other day I have spent in Rwanda. We had staff meetings all day. These people are just astounding. You would not believe what passion they have for their people. They have lost jobs, lost position and status and faced persecution to do what they do. They have educated the families on building, farming, AIDS, business and Christ. Just today I looked at 50 pictures of the building projects we are doing (one we are completing tomorrow), other animals which were delivered to the families, an association of sponsored families who have come together to start a seed bed project to produce better quality seeds and more nutritional gardens, etc.

But I must tell you of the one moment I will never forget for as long as I live. After we sang praise songs and Jake led a devotion tonight, we all sat down and watched the DVD that we are showing in America to promote GFR. We had several visitors (a house helper, the wife of one staff member and a computer technician…thus the timely email!). It is one thing to show that DVD to American’s because it is a movie to us. But it is quite another to watch it with people who have seen the piled up bodies of their friends and family. Let me tell you what happened. We ran through the four minute DVD, and when it was finished, no one spoke a word. It was completely silent. Not one of the 7 Rwandans pulled their eyes off of the television. They didn’t even appear to blink. Ben finally asked, “What do you think?” The only response came from Ndugu, our director. “Can we watch it again?” His voice sounded choked and scratchy. No one moved for another four minutes as the DVD played on. All of the American’s were crying. Only one Rwandan had tears fall (that I could see). But again, the result was silence. Stunned by the feelings rushing through them, one visitor spoke up and said, “I feel hope. I feel like I know we can go on now.”

Go ON?? These people accelerate after devastation. Two of our staff have completely lost their families. No mother, father, brothers, sisters or even wife survived. And yet, who has gone out and started over not just building their own family but building hope into those around them?? While we toil at home with pushing papers and speaking pretty or not so pretty speeches, these men are putting their lives on the line for the widows and orphans around them WHEN THEY THEMSELVES ARE JUST THAT!

I am profoundly inspired. I am totally weak with admiration. I shared my heart and told them that I don’t know how they go on let alone thrive in such circumstances. Oh how I wish you knew the quality of these people. They are infinitely more perseverant than I will ever hope to be. True religion is this, to care for the orphans and widows… and how much more pure than you yourself being one??

We had a wonderful day. It was full of revelation, praise and respect for each other. I hope that I will always know these people as I do now.

On another note, we visited Des Milles Collines today (the hotel pictured in HOTEL RWANDA). It was quite unplanned! SN Brussels, the airline which had lost our luggage has an office in the hotel. What a powerful place to be. It in itself is a monument to the courage of Rwandans. But, besides that, SN Brussels has FOUND our luggage and all eight bags should be delivered tomorrow on the next flight into Kigali. Pray that it finds its way safely!

We love you and miss you all!

PS Ben and Jake met with each of our staff and had tremendous Spirit filled meetings! We played some volley ball bumping with the whole team.

Ben and Melody