His mission

I am so tired. We went to the village again today, a new one. We met more families available for potential sponsorship. It would seem redundant to say people are starving. But I guess until you see starvation happening face to face, there is no better word to describe it. Some of the quotes I heard today were:

“I didn’t eat today” (A 12 year old orphan)

“I haven’t eaten meat since sometime last year.” (A pregnant anemic widow)

“We only eat what is cheap to buy, cassava” (A grandma with 2 orphaned grandkids)

On another note, I am being challenged spiritually. God is asking me to give him everything, especially my children. For so long I have struggled trying to create emotionally healthy children. I am beginning to see that I have often limited God’s direction for me based on what they can or can not “handle”. God revealed to me that they are his children… not mine. They need to NEED Him. When I seek to fill them up, there is no emptiness that God can fill.

Today when Nate was hungry in the village and wanted a snack (he had already eaten twice – breakfast and lunch), instead of getting upset and feeling like a failure as a mother… I gave him and his need back to his Father God through prayer. Interestingly enough, he turned to me this evening and told me how sad he was for the kids he met today that had not eaten and were so weak from only eating one vegetable each day. He felt so moved in his heart and I think it was because he FELT hunger, something so foreign to him.

Now this isn’t to say I will abandon the kids, but I am finding there is a time to listen to Lord and ask him to intervene in their hearts. A similar situation happened with Amber last night. I left her with a strong word of rebuke… and usually when I would discuss it for hours with her; I decided to let her deal with it before the Lord. I cried for an hour (and I wasted a whole roll of toilet paper to clean up the mess). But today I sat down next to her in our mosquito filled family room while she played a song I had never heard… a new song (Ps. 40:3). Here are some of the words of the song she wrote and was singing:

I pulled away… but your mercy is new every day… bring back life… bring back light.
Open up my heart and speak these words, “No matter what you say or do, I will love you.”

And so tonight most of my words are not about a village, or a broken family, an abandoned mother or an orphaned child. Tonight I speak about the blessings of obeying God. This mission is not about me, Ben or any of the Pahlow family. This mission is about the God we love and we are privileged to serve in this capacity. I am so amazed that God is giving me the opportunity to meet people who are so in need because I love seeing their faith grow as they are literally rescued from grip of death. I can’t tell you how many people say the word “miracle” when they talk about GFR. And so I need to put credit where credit is due… miracles are God’s thing not mine.

I am putting photos above this blog to show you who you helped today. Through your obedience to God to be generous, you have fed the hungry, clothed the naked and treated the sick. On today’s trip alone we spent a total of $515.00. We spent $412.00 on food, $26.00 on clothes and $77.00 on medical care. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to “go” when you can not. Please! Help us save lives today. Send a check to us at:

GFR

P.O. Box 529

Wheaton, IL 60189

Fistula... Never heard of it

There is a song that Amber is playing on the guitar. It is a new one she learned here. I can hear her singing the song in my mind even though it is 2:00 in the morning. “Teach me how to love… teach me how to love like you love me.” Is it possible to sing along in your head because I definitely am!

I can hear Ben snoring as I look out the barred window of my bedroom. I feel a cool breeze coming through the screen and luckily there doesn’t seem to be more than one mosquito floating near me. I am pondering over the last few weeks and asking God to give me more… more of everything. I need more patience, guidance, wisdom and discernment. But I think the reason that I am singing that song tonight is that I want him to teach me to love more.

I am considering Jesus’ 3 years of ministry. He literally held life and death in his hands. He performed so many miracles that throngs of people surrounded him hoping for just one touch. He could change the course of anyone’s life with his fingertip. Even in the beginning of his ministry, he was starting to gather crowds. Word traveled fast that he could do miracles. I wonder if he ever felt tempted to “numb out”. I am in awe of the fact that he never lost compassion. He refueled through alone times and prayer but even with that, it is really amazing that he still felt so deeply for each individual need.

I guess that is what I am praying for tonight. I want him to teach me how to love like that… without any end. It is so easy to start seeing seas of faces and not individual hearts. Usually my goal when I get to a village is to touch each person and look them in the eyes. I try to smile at each one because every one of them is precious. The ones that look down in shame are the ones I spend the most time with. They need touch the most.

Actually, that reminds me of something that happened on this trip. When we were in West Uganda, we had to split into two teams to reach more families. Both of us had money in case of emergency situations. Jaime was on another team from me and she was introduced to a family that came out to greet her but interestingly, there was another person in the mud hut that was completely abandoned by everyone and wouldn't come out without major coaxing. Thankfully she did.

Adrine is 25 years old and suffers from “Fistula”. She has been completely ostracized by her community and her husband left her as well. But the thing that killed me was hearing that her baby died as well. Since then I found out that fistula is basically a hole between the rectum and vaginal canal which causes constant bleeding, urine and feces leakage. It is brought on by poor obstetric care. So basically, Adrine got married, got pregnant, nearly died in childbirth, her baby ripped a hole in her that can’t be fixed without surgery, lost the child and in turn her husband left her, her community abandoned her and so she lays on a mat inside a home all day long bleeding until she dies. That is, until Jaime met her.

Jaime hugged her and immediately provided money so she could see a doctor. This young woman hasn’t been seen by anyone in so long that later on I was told by the Field Officer that she cried tears saying, “This person wants to see me? This woman wants to help me.. even me?” She couldn’t believe it.

And Jesus didn’t forget about that woman who touched him in the crowd and was healed from her constant bleeding. Maybe she had fistula… I never considered that before. I am amazed that she even came out of her house to try to touch him even though he was sandwiched between all those community people that had ignored her for so long. Even while she was so afraid, she reached out for healing. And now, we are reaching out to Adrine who feels just like this woman did both in sickness and in healing. It is a miracle that someone found her… even her.

In the end our dear Adrine will definitely be sponsored, but in the meanwhile, she was also able to be taken to the clinic for treatment. Unfortunately, she will not be able to have surgery until a “specialist” arrives in that area in September. Until then she is able to have necessary medications and help from us. She is not alone, she was not forgotten…

What do I have??

It feels like a miracle that I am sitting here typing my journal tonight. I am really beat. I didn’t sleep at all last night because I felt so sick. I had severe cramping pains in my abdomen and finally decided to see an African doctor at 12:00 noon.

We went to the clinic and I couldn’t get a full breath. We were sitting in a small and very full waiting room. I was feeing very sick and the doctor must have noticed because he opened a consultation door for me and ushered me in. I would have thought that I was specially treated because I was American… but I can honestly say I was the “sickest” person in there.

He began tapping on my abdomen and back. Both were incredibly painful. His eyes showed concern. He left the room to grab a nurse and a blood pressure machine. I turned over on the small table trying to get comfortable and noticed only one thing in the sparse room, a large oxygen tank. Nothing else was available at this clinic other than that one tank and a small microscope. I cried when he left the room. I thought to myself, “What if I am seriously sick? What if I need surgery? Where do I go?” Questions were running through my head like a freight train.

Without proper equipment, he could not rule out a kidney infection or appendicitis. So, he told me I had to go to a clinic ½ hour away for an ultrasound of my kidney and appendix. I left there feeling really weak and even more scared. When I got to the ultrasound clinic, I had to wait for 5 hours. I began to notice the pain subsiding a little by the 4^th hour.

During the long wait, I imagined them finding something awful in my right kidney. I have had a stone in that one since 2001. For years my biggest fear has been that thing dropping while I was overseas. I tried to have it removed years ago without success because it was so large. I kept thinking in that crowded clinic that maybe the stone moved. The questions droned on, “Without the advancement of medicine in Africa, would they have to cut open my back to retrieve it? How long would I be in a hospital and what would the hospital be like?” But even so, I kept praying and telling God that I would trust Him even though I was afraid.

When I was called, I changed into a robe, laid on the table and clenched my teeth when the cold gel touched my skin. The technician said, “Your bladder is not full. You need to drink 4 bottles of water and come back.” What? Sheesh. That seemed impossible. Well, 4 bottles of water and ½ hour later I was back on the table… His instrument traveled under my ribs searching for the cause of pain. When the kidney came into view, I recognized it immediately. But something looked strange… I couldn’t see the stone. “Sir,” I asked questioningly… “Do you see a stone in there?” He smiled a gap-toothed smile, “No Mam, I don’t see a thing.”

I left that clinic with a clean bill of health. After a urine test, blood test, ultrasound of the pancreas, kidney, appendicitis, duodenum, intestine, and gallbladder, malaria screening and 9 hours of waiting, the pain eased. I went home feeling tired but relieved.

I have thought today about the ability to get quality doctor care here. How frustrating it must be for doctors to not have the available diagnosing equipment in emergency situations. But even more than that, I think I have a better understanding of what Africans go through, even when they are in extreme pain. By God’s grace, my pain was decreasing. But what would have happened if it had increased? What African person has sat in these very clinics and has felt so afraid of dying without having access the proper help, medicine or equipment? Someone told me that there are 5 ambulances in Kampala. Not that I have ever seen one. How is it possible to care for more than 2 million people that way?

I came away from this situation enlightened and more in tune with what African’s as a whole feel when they are sick. I can’t even imagine if I didn’t have money. To have no control and no assistance, it is a nightmare. I think God allowed this experience so I could empathize better with the sick and poor. I cried, I worried, I prayed, and I waited just like all other Africans. Can I just say how much I appreciate the United States??

Ultrasound in Africa: $37.49 (9 hour wait) Ultrasound in America: $?? (1 hour wait)

Bottom line - I probably have a virus in my large intestine!

The Wisdom of Children

So Nathan has not been complaining lately. I have noticed that he has a smile on his face almost all day long and he seems content. I was walking with him today and I said to him, “So it seems that you have been pretty happy.” He laughed at me and said, “Well, I have this new theory… you have to be okay with what you have. And we have food, family, a house and internet…what else do I need?” I am still smiling at the last thing on the list. I guess internet comes pretty high on the needs list!

But seriously I am pretty amazed at his decision to choose liking it here. He just decided to be content one day. How interesting. Why can’t I do that? There is wisdom in children! I want to learn that too… contentment.

Speaking of children, Ben and I have met a family here that has a ministry called “Father’s House”. They are an interesting mixed family of Ukrainian, American and Ugandan children. I think there are about 18 people living in their house about 30 minutes from here. I had an opportunity to talk to Jessica the 15 year old American from that family. She had lots of wisdom too!

She was telling me about her life as a missionary (she has been one longer than me!) and how she has had to give God everything… all her hopes, all her dreams, her whole life. She surrendered it to Him and begged Him to meet her needs. She told me He has given back so many of her desires and she trusts that He has her best interests in mind.

As I was listening to her I realized that I have held on to so many things, and I am miserable for it. I have especially held on to my kids. I want so much for them to be happy and not suffer. I don’t want them to loose out on things because we are called to missions. I had no idea that when God was calling me to GFR he would be calling me to let go of my children’s futures. Honestly, I have a hard time believing that He has their best interests in mind even if they have to suffer losses.

But as I listened to Jessica, I realized that my children have their own relationship with God and they belong to Him. He is drawing them to Himself. As Jessica said, “God used my emptiness to pull me into Him.” What a testimony.

God I pray that you would use my children’s emptiness and losses to draw them into You just like Jessica. I want to surrender everything but I am afraid to let go. Help me trust You. This is Your ministry Father, not mine. I need You to meet the African’s needs AND my children’s too. I know You love us. I choose to believe that You want what is best for me and the kids. I choose to be content. Now help me as I choose to continue to surrender each moment of each day. Thank you for children who carry Your wisdom! Amen.

Jessica and Melody

Giving widow a new blanket in Budimo

Pastor Julius's church

Homeless widow recieving a new house from GFR

Another entry?? Had to do it!

I have never done two entries in one day. It never seemed necessary. But something happened tonight that needs to be mentioned. We met with Justice Ogoola and Catherine Piwang of ChildReach Africa. They are the Local NGO in Budimo, Busia (East Uganda) that we are seeking to work with. They are a wonderful NGO reaching deep into the rural villages.

We visited that area earlier in June. And I was especially touched by a 19 year old named Humphrey who is an orphan taking care of 5 younger siblings. We were able to give him some shillings and we heard a great report that he purchased some pans (he had none!) and shirts and shoes for his brothers (none for himself). He also bought some food but still kept some money for later. Smart boy.

That is not the best news though… even though that was SO good to hear. We were sitting down for dinner and Justice told us that he attended the church that Pastor Julius preaches at. Pastor Julius is Humphrey’s pastor but he is also the pastor for the old woman that we are building a home for.

Pastor Julius stood up in church and was commending the church. Apparently last week they all got together as a body of believers and rehabilitated a home for another widow in their church. Pastor said, “Brothers and sisters, it is a testimony that people from 6000 miles away would come to our village and build a home for a homeless sister. Global Family Rescue is an example of what we should be doing as a church. We have many able bodied men here. Let us continue to help those around us as we have been encouraged to do.” Justice told us they are taking our example very seriously.

I began to cry. I don’t know exactly why. Maybe it was because we are messengers of hope. Maybe it is because we are a catalyst for change. Maybe it is because as Ben says, “Generosity is contagious.” But somewhere deep inside I think I felt God telling me that He is faithful to do so much with one step of faith. He WILL transform the world through our obedience to follow Him. I am again reminded to trust Him with all my heart. He is worthy to be trusted. I can rest in Him and so can Budimo.

I think tonight will be the first night I will sleep in peace…

Global Puppy Rescue!

How could you not love her??

The upcoming Humane Society President

Global Puppy Rescue

I was thinking about my kids today; thinking about what the long term affects would be on them experiencing extreme poverty, etc. There are times when I think we are doing all of them a great disservice. Nathan and Michael have often said to me, “I am bored.” or “I wish I was home.” And I can’t remember all the times that there have been tears because of missed friends, missed parties, etc. Then there is the comment, “I worked all school year for this summer… and I am here in Africa.”

As an adult, I look at this situation as “enriching” their lives. They are young and impressionable and this is the perfect time to expose them to the possibilities of a big world! But when I settle into the child inside me, I see it as a difficult hurdle for the time being. They are young and American… they want to watch cartoons and eat hot dogs. They are generally shielded from poverty and neediness at home… well…at least in the area we live in. My children are indelibly unique in their experiences and lifestyle compared to other children their age. They flip back and forth between places of extreme poverty and excessive spending and I know that they are sometimes confused as to where they fit. They want to “belong” in the states and they want to understand and fit in here as well. It is a tough balance. And as far as their complaints, what child wouldn’t want to stay in their nice cushy life instead of observing the death and poverty of the real world. It is hard for me to make that jump… but I feel a calling to come…

I will never forget one conversation Nathan and I had in the car at home. He said, “I don’t feel called to Africa.” I was a little taken back. What should I say? That is the truth for him. I took a deep breath and said, “Well, I am your mother and I am called so you have to come… I guess you will have to take that up with God. If He called me, He must be calling you too.”

Today as I was pondering all this… I watched the children do something interesting. They have been observing a litter of puppies that were born next door a few weeks ago. All of them fell in love with the littlest one. They named her “Baby”. She is a tiny thing with a streak of blonde running down the center of her back. She is ½ the size of the other 8 puppies… and the children were all worried about her getting enough milk, etc. So they took a little syringe and began feeding her some warmed up cow’s milk. They had so much enjoyment in caring for a creature they saw as undernourished. I began to see a little glimpse of our work in that… and felt encouraged.

As Mike, Hope and I were returning the puppy, we saw our little friend Joseph who is 10 years old. He lives in the slum area 50 feet from our compound. He was wearing an oversized blazer and looking a little less smiley than usual. Mike asked him how he was and Joseph said quietly, “I have malaria.” All three of us approached him and I lifted my hand to his forehead. He was very warm and feverish. Mike said, “Mom! Can we give him some medicine?” I smiled at his urgency. “Well, let’s see what we can do” I said. Mike and Hope ran back home and retrieved the medicine we needed. Joseph doesn’t have access to a doctor or a pharmacy. It is too expensive. All his aunt was giving him was some local medicine which cost $0.50 and has no ability to cure him.

When we got home, Michael said, “Mom, it is good to help people.” “Really? How come?” I asked sheepishly. “I like the way it makes me feel inside.” He replied. Maybe Mike has a future in missions because that is how I feel too. It fills up my heart when I help those in great need. It often is the way that people find their way back to God. And that is our greatest purpose!

What is on my hands?

June 23, 2007

Would you touch someone if they had a highly contagious disease? Would it make a difference if they were going to die? Would you risk your own family’s safety to comfort them?

I have spent the day with Nakalula… we thought her name was Nakature but her mind is going so no one knew it exactly. Ben and I brought a doctor with us this time. His name is Dr. John. He was the only doctor at his clinic which is a ½ mile away, but he came anyway. As our car stopped outside Nakalula’s house, Dr. John hopped out of the car with his stethoscope with his lab partner Simon tagging along. When Dr. John entered the house he turned to me and said, “I didn’t know poverty like this existed here.”

Nakalula is all boneThat is an interesting comment coming from an educated Ugandan. He was definitely expecting a more adequate environment. I came here without any expectations and so I had no idea how bad this situation truly was.

Simon brought two syringes to draw blood for testing. Nakalula took a little prodding to allow it. I held her hand as she sang a worship song during the blood draw. The doctor’s opinion is that Nakalula has advanced syphilis. It is incurable. He gave her about 8 months to live at the most if she had proper food and was immediately hydrated. She also has a severe bacterial infection and that is why her ear is eaten up. She is too weak to move, so we purchased her a bed and we are trying to bring the I.V. fluids and antibiotics to her (if they can find her vain).
Her daughter is in a grave position as well. Grace is only 17 (we thought she was 20). They tested her and she is HIV Positive. But beyond that, she has malaria, anemia, tuberculosis, severe malnutrition, dehydration, and severe diarrhea. We took her to the hospital and paid for her to be treated for malaria and dehydration. But we will have to take her to another large organization that can provide free care for TB and AIDS. Grace seemed very happy for our help… but she was most happy for the food we brought her (chicken and matake).

Now I say all that to preface this comment… I hate being told NOT to touch someone who is suffering. Apparently, this stage of syphilis is highly contagious. Also, Tuberculosis is becoming a disease that I am being exposed to regularly. I told Ben that I thought I would end up with something eventually. He became very upset and told me I needed to take precautions… the doctor told us to have no skin to skin contact with Nakalula or her family.

What? No skin contact? That is so appalling to me. People need touch. It is horrible to imagine seeing Nakalula and not reaching out to hold her hand. She is afraid and lonely. And now that I am thinking of it…what other germs do I have on my hands?? I have touched so many people and most of them have never been to a doctor let alone been diagnosed. I am watching my fingers flying across this keypad and wondering, what tiny microbes are on them? I have washed my hands twice but I still am wondering if I am clean. And what about that hangnail I have? Is that considered an open sore? I just felt a tingling feeling in my thumb… is that a disease? I have so many thoughts racing through my mind. I am sick just seeing these poor people… God protect me from anything more than that.

So the question still stands, would you touch someone with a highly contagious disease? I argued with Ben that I would absolutely...I want to be the hands of healing to everyone I meet. But then he told me to think again…for our family’s sake. I don’t know what to do.

Please help us care for this family. Email Ben.pahlow@globalfamilyrescue.org with any financial assistance you can offer. This family needs a padlock for their door, a window repaired, a cement floor, and most important a LATRINE (bathroom) Thank you!

Nakalula laying on her floor mattress as Doctor arrived.

Lab assistant Simon trying to find her vein.

Simon finds the vein!!!

Grace gets checked by Dr. John...

Nakalula on her new bed!!!

Melody telling 9 year old daughter how proud she is of her taking care of her mommy.

I need a donut!

I am sitting in my bedroom at 11:00 in the morning. The mosquito net is still hanging messily over the queen sized bed, the fan is still blowing and I can hear the guard outside sweeping the driveway. But all I can think about is Olive Garden alfredo sauce! I am drooling thinking about it. I always use the sauce to dip those hot garlic breadsticks into. ARGH! I am torturing myself.

We don’t have a working oven right now. It is driving me crazy. I have 6 brownie mixes that I brought and I can’t even cook them! I haven’t had chocolate for days. That is never good. Well, I did eat some chocolate chips but that doesn’t count! They are semi-sweet!

And I am thinking about Chipotle and the lime-crusted chips. And then there is the Krispy Kreme chocolate donuts with crème inside. I would love to have real mashed potatoes and corn. OH! I am going to miss the corn harvest in Illinois. There is nothing like boiled corn with butter and salt.

But as I am laying out my imagined feast, I hear a child crying somewhere nearby. The cry wafts up into my bedroom and I forget the delicacies of home temporarily. I wonder what food they dream about when they are hungry.

I will go downstairs and eat my morning toast and tea and try not to think about warm coffee cake and cinnamon rolls dripping with icing. It is so hard to live without the food I am used to. But like I have said before, I usually have choices. When I am in Uganda, I am lucky if I get to eat meat!

I couldn’t help myself… here is a picture of my favorite Krispy Kreme donut!