I am standing on a precipice. It has been a long walk to this edge… 3 years actually. I am thinking of my own abilities and finding myself lacking. I think, “Am I good enough?” or “Can I do this?” It is even more fundamental than that. I am thinking that my identity is no longer in what I own. I can not distract myself by belongings, a home, being a mother or a wife; rather with nothing owned everything has simplified. Now my identity is truly only that which I am and what my calling is. Everything else doesn’t matter. It is now only who I am in God and the talents that He has given me that matters.
As I look into the skies and hear the planes taking off and landing, I can only think of my destiny. I have been called to this miraculously; despite all my faults and short-comings. Somehow I have been asked to take a huge leap of faith and trust that God has my best interest in mind. Somehow He knew that though I hate bugs, loneliness, lack of clean water and air conditioning – he also knew I would love the broken passionately and put every other thing behind me… even shopping (a bigger miracle than I want to admit to). Even today God established that I was on the right path when a dear friend dropped off a substantial parting gift at our hotel.
So what do I see when I look in the mirror now? I see an unsure girl who has nothing but a bag and a mustard seed of faith and apparently that is all that God requires of me tonight. I am still scared but I also feel so privileged to know a God who believes that even a frightened girl can make a difference in the world.
1 comment:
Oh Melody! He will take a scared girl from Chicago and use her mightily, as she trusts her entire existence to Him. I am in awe of your courage to just "go" and be with the ones you love so much in Africa. I sat and watched you in Bible study group desiring to go back to Africa, as you cried out to God the "whys." I pray you know some of the "whys" now, as you look back at these last three years. God takes times to refine us, chasten us, free us from bondage that we might not have even known existed in our lives. I believe it is in preparation for what He has for us as we search and participate fully in His mission for our lives. I am proud of you my friend and pray for a mighty outpouring of His Spirit in your inner being, that you may know how long, how wide, how high and how deep is His love, that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. This prayer in Ephesians 3 is powerful!!! "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His Spirit that is at work within us, be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen!" Love you Melody and praying for you!!
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