2.2.05

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

Wow, I am on my last leg. I lashed out at Ben sitting at the dinner table. We had an argument about the kids “eating healthy”. They had pizza tonight. Hey, they are lucky they ate at all! Of course, you can see how this argument developed! We both have relevant points. Neither of which I care to explore in depth at this time. I feel irritable and on edge. The little things; laundry piles, garbage heaps, rice bags, shoe mountain, unopened mail, finger printed mirrors, and the oily stove… I can’t look at another mess. All my furniture that was moved is shoved in various rooms. All of this didn’t really seem to be a big deal until 1 hour ago. It was as if I saw all of it at one time. Ugh.

I think tomorrow I will be taking all of our sheets, blankets and laundry to a laundry mat after I drop off my kids at school. I honestly can’t imagine spending 3 days to do it. And I want to start piling things for their move in the garage so it will be out of the way. Then I will have to make sure that all of the refugee’s clothes and blankets will be cleaned before they go. Of course, I will try to plan a trip to the gym so the kids can play tomorrow. OH! And maybe, if Lois Lane needs saving, I can slip into my red cape and do that too!

Yikes! Slow down…breathe…be in the moment…
Where the heck is my yoga mat!?
Well, let’s start with today. What great things happened today?
Oh yeah, I didn’t get run over by a truck!
No…be serious.
Ok, I only feel like I was run over by a truck

End of Inner Voice Monologue.

Majeni (19 yr old boy) asked me when their new house would be ready and I told him around Feb15th or so. He then said, “How far is it from here?” I thought he was trying to just get information for his Father and I said very specifically, “About 45 minutes away”. “Oh.” He replied quietly. I caught a glimpse of disappointment in his face. “Why Majeni”? I inquired with a sly smile. He caught my drift and said longingly, “Because I want to visit you often.” He appeared to me as a little lost boy. What an accomplishment, that he would feel safe here and desire to be with us. I wrapped my arms around him (and his puffy coat which he wears incessantly), and squeezed him while saying, “Oh Majeni, I am glad you will miss us like we will miss you.” Mama laughed while Majeni dropped his head in embarrassment. Fartuna (17 yr old girl) has been slouching her shoulders each time I talk to her about starting school next week. They are all scared and uncertain.

How I wish I could bare this burden for them somehow. Isn’t that the way it is with the people we care about? It makes me think about all of the times something tough was around the corner for me and God saw it coming. Sometimes it feels as though He leaves us and we can’t see His hand in it. We go through those times and our faith may falter. We cry out “Why”? We wonder what His purpose is for the suffering we are enduring. Or even more simply, how He can be the God of love when we are in so much pain? It seems an oxymoron. But, how many times have I found the greatest peace and experienced true revelations about God when I have turned towards Him in my times of crisis? And this is what I must remember for my new friends. Perhaps this time of upheaval and trial will bring them closer to the God that I love and cling to so dearly. Maybe something I did or said will come to mind. Oh God, I pray that you would draw this family to you! Help me be open to sharing your love during these last two days! Help me not loose sight of what is really important.

I again want to thank CCC and Community 4:12 for all of the help and support you have given our family during this time. We honestly wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. (Thank you Rose!) I am so glad this diary has been a blessing too. I had no idea what amazing inspiration has come out of them. Praise God that I was able to spend the energy and time to keep you all connected to this amazing adventure. Friday night will be the last diary for this adventure. (Please feel free to check out my diary from our February 2004 trip to Rwanda, Africa at www.globalfamilyrescue.org)

And by the way, the lack of pictures today is my fault. Ben is the family “picture taker”, I am the “picker upper”! He was teaching computers to kids all day.