1.28.05

Friday, January 28, 2005

I picked up reading “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers today. I was half way through the book 6 months ago and couldn’t finish it. I felt a connection with the main character that was too frightening for me to overcome. OK, you are asking…”When in the world did you have time to do that?”

Well, this morning I woke up crying. Have you ever had one of those days? The sunrise brought responsibility that I felt I couldn’t bare. I dragged myself into the shower. I dragged myself out of the shower. When it was time, I stepped pensively down the staircase where I knew the dreaded scenario would occur. The minute I appeared, I was beckoned to “start a fire” (basically just turn on the stove!). This is when you have to do the right thing. I promptly yelled upstairs, “BEN, Mama needs your help!” I took this opportunity to scramble out the door with 4 kids in tow to drop them at school. I don’t think I smiled until 9:00. Do you know what happened at 9:00?? Ben called me on the cell phone and said, “No need to hurry home. You go spend some time at Panera Bread and relax.” These are the moments every wife cherishes. He was in control and unafraid. He was totally in his element. He saved me (or at least it felt that way to me). I don’t think I had even talked to him yet, other than of course the yell for help. How does he do that?

I really think I need mood stabilizing medication! I cried at Panera Bread while I was eating Broccoli Cheddar soup for goodness sake! I was so happy just to be eating alone and no one was slurping or burping. It was absolutely heavenly.

I called Ben at 11:30 and he suggested I stay out longer. I was so tired from eating my soup that I needed a nap! At least, that was my intention when I came back home. But I was so recharged by seeing all the smiling happy faces, I didn’t go back upstairs. I love these kids. I truly do. They are so wonderful. I have never seen such a cooperative family. They all work together and know their place. They all are necessary for survival together.

While I was gone, I found out Ben had entertained all 8 children (the adults left with the baby for a doctor’s appt. and public aid appt.) by video taping them (while on the phone with John McDavitt) singing and dancing, playing it live on the big screen and then replaying it on T.V. over and over. They were so happy and joyous.

We also talked at length today to Majeni (oldest son). He was telling us a little about the time they spent in Kakuma (8 years). They have lived in difficult circumstances to say the least. They lived in a mud hut. There were thieves everywhere, stealing whatever food, bedding, clothes they could. But what amazed me most was the fact that Father had to transport people on his bike for pennies per kilometer. It took him 10 days to save enough money to buy beans (what Majeni called meat). Occasionally, they would buy goat or camel meat. Ben and I couldn’t contain our “EEeeewww!” noises.

According to the girls, they have never been personally attacked. They have been afraid of it for years. Amina’s (15 yr old girl) eyes darted back and forth as if she was afraid and said, “If a man comes to take you and your Father won’t concede, he is shot.”…A dangerous place to be indeed.

At 4:30 we played soccer with some friends of ours. Their kids attend school with our kids. You should have seen all of them (19 kids). A sport is a great way to break down barriers! There was initial discomfort, but as soon as the teams were made, it was just as if we had always been together. Even when we were finished, the kids all gathered around to drink juice together. No tension was noted. It was wonderful to experience this.

My day has ended so sweetly. I feel like things are running more smoothly. We are beginning to read each other and have a rhythm. Did you know it is possible to live in sync with people that don’t even speak your language (or eat like you, or smell like you?)? There is mutual respect and admiration that I feel has developed quickly and I regard them highly.

I am very different from them though. I need time and space. When I told them that my children were spending the night over at friend’s houses, they were shocked. This is not at all like their culture. They are always together and family is never separated unless it is life or death. After a lot of thinking today, I think it was great for me to want that time and space. I was a new person with 2 hours of free time under my belt! I was talking to a friend today (I sat on my couch and poured my guts out, she should have charged me!), and basically I said that this whole experience comes down to my own growth. It really has very little to do with the refugees. The importance is the examination of my response to needs that are around me. And that examination is sometimes a painful experience. But I found out today that I love being me right now. I live in a free country, with a great family, a fantastic church, and good friends that serve God. We really are changing the world one family at a time!