A good day

The last two days I have struggled with my purpose for being in Rwanda. It ties into the feeling that I am spending a lot of time being a mom and not as much time working on the “program”. If you know me, you know how much I love the GFR program.

When I stepped into Rwanda 3 years ago… I was stunned by the poverty in the villages. There were no families receiving assistance from our organization, and as far as I knew, there were over 1500 people on the brink of death. I spent a lot of time boo-hooing about why God called me and I wasn’t ready for this… blah blah blah.

Now I feel like I am on the front lines of the battle, leading the charge and watching our families win victory after victory. There has been a huge switch in my mind about God’s ability to use me. I definitely don’t think I have all the answers, but I know that God will use me when I make myself available. It is one of the greatest rewards I have in this work!

In the midst of all this victory, there is something terribly frustrating to me. It is balancing being a mom and a program director. Desiree Guzman was telling me how exhausted she was after the long work day. This was another 3 hour journey to the village day, 6 hours working in the sun and then 3 hours home. And she is an adult!

We have been taking our kids out onto the field with us and I have to say it has been nearly impossible for me to focus on the people. My specialty is finding the holes in things… call it negativity if you want to! But, I can see a problem a mile away and I address it immediately. Sometimes it will be a family needing extra assistance or even issues with organization, etc. But when my kids are in the midst of all of it, I literally can not overcome my physical exhaustion, watch over the kids and focus on the current needs of our families.

Before we left this morning I said to Ben, “Today, either I go with you or you can take the kids to the village… either/or… I just can’t be both mom and missionary today.” I know he was frustrated… but the kids actually thanked me for letting them hang out at home today. IT IS very tiring for them and Amber did very well caring for them at home.

I was able to focus in the village today AND when I got home I was able to focus on the kids. This can’t happen every day… but it worked out this time and I was glad for the opportunity to feel like I got some “work” done. “Work” is so relative when it comes to motherhood!! It is so hard to know when you are accomplishing thing. Work is a relief sometimes… it feels nice to point to something and say, “Hey, I did that!”

A friend told me something very interesting today… she said, “Melody, NOTHING you do is unnecessary! God has a purpose for it ALL.” I can’t say that made me feel better! But I am sure there is some gem in that comment I will hold onto later!

In the meanwhile... we had GREAT news today. The woman that Ben photographed on Saturday who was waiting for sponsorship NOW has a sponsor! We want to thank Debbie Haines for opening her heart up to Mukankuranga! We can't wait to tell her she has a helper!