Last thoughts?

Our family had “day off” today. We had a great lunch (I had a grilled cheese sandwich) and we swam too. The water was a little cold but I even I got used to it. I felt so relaxed and we didn’t talk once about our work. It is easy when you live life on the field to constantly talk about it. It is hard for me to separate work from myself. But yesterday I was so angry and frustrated that I was reminded to take some time off. It was a sweet break and I actually felt like I was getting to know my husband again… not just my coworker!

When we were driving home from our little oasis, our car passed through the heavily guarded well manicured gate and smack! Poverty was in full swing once again. Sometimes I feel like I will never get used to seeing poverty; Street kids as young as 4 with tattered clothing, no shoes, extended bellies, dirty faces and outstretched hands. The thing that bothers me is how people keep walking and driving right past them; even myself. I always smile and wave but I can rarely get my hands into my purse quick enough for a few coins. Today I saw one little boy who had the biggest smile I had ever seen. He must have been 8 or so. All his teeth were spaced widely apart and he waved enthusiastically as we passed. I feel angry that I didn’t do anything more than wave.

It is hard to understand the extreme differences between America and Africa. Like for instance the fact that people eat messy open fruit (papaya mostly) while they are walking down a dirty road covered in filth and crammed by cars with black exhaust filling the air. They seem not to notice how grimy their hands are or whether they can actually taste anything except smog. There is also the difference of expectations. No one really expects to live very long. They have lots of kids so that they have a better chance of being supported well when they are aged (in their 40s and 50s). Doctors are scarce (1 for 30,000 women) so even the expectation of any real medicine (they use a lot of home remedies) is out of the question. I remember a friend of mine telling me that she found a little girl who was burned on 50% of her body and her mother took her to a local witch doctor who applied rabbit fur all over her bubbled flesh. That is the kind of care impoverished people can expect. A woman can expect 1 in 4 children to die at birth and another 1 will die by age 5. These people live with the expectation of death so anything like a good meal and a new shirt feels like a slice of heaven. Funny what my heaven feels like in comparison to theirs. I have so much... and they have so little. I have choices… they don’t. I can’t help but wonder why I am in a place of affluence and they are not. It doesn’t feel fair.

Anyway, we are leaving on Saturday morning. It is 3 days away. But even though we are going, we hope to bring a little light into this place soon. Families are getting photographed now and I know that even though we have explained what we do thoroughly, they have NO clue how their lives are about to change. We have meetings for the next 3 days and I don’t know if I will be able to blog again before I am home. As much as I long for home, a piece of me is always in this place, my thoughts. I don’t ever want to forget how blessed I am…ever.