6.25.2005 & 6.26.2005 LAST DAYS OF JUNE TRIP

Today is the last day I am spending in Rwanda. We were capable of driving some distance into another village today. But the reason we did was completely unlike any other. We sang praise songs all the way to Lake Muhazi. It was hard to believe there was a relatively untouched lake in this area (or at least 2 hours away). It was a place so serene and quiet. It was perfect for the baptism.

Who’s baptism? Kim’s. Kim has been feeling like she needed to take that step of obedience in her walk of faith and asked Ndugu if he would perform the ceremony. I can’t say what touched me so much about it really. It must have been the sun and the water. But in addition, it was Kim’s spirit. She just seemed totally transformed. As she went under the water she was smiling, but when she came up there was literally sunlight beaming on her face… or maybe it was just the glow she had herself. It was so moving. It was unlike any other time I have spent here. The event inspired Cyprien to be baptized during our next trip when his kids can be there to see it.

Usually, I am facing so much emotional turmoil dealing with the poverty and malnutrition. But today, I had the honor of being a part of a beautiful ceremony. Speaking of beauty, the Rwandese have a tradition of giving you a new name. So, to keep with that tradition, Ndugu gave Kim the name Keza (pronounced Kayza). It means beautiful and kind (kind meaning generous). It suits her. Now I want one too!

OK – Here is the next part in the airplane…

I just ate pizza…. It was good. But I think I was expecting more satisfaction from it. It just goes to show you what an issue I have with food being my comfort! Back to reality.

Yesterday when we were saying goodbye to all the Rwandan staff at the airport, everyone was crying, especially Cyprien, Vianney and Angela. It struck me that I was not. I felt like I had a wall up inside. I couldn’t figure out why. I have had some time to talk to Ben about it and I think I know what is going on.

These people have sacrificed so much to make GFR work in Rwanda. They are working so hard. I feel a great personal burden to provide for their families. I have met their beautiful children and wives (other than Ndugu’s fiancé), and I truly feel like I am afraid to let them down. I know what the future holds for them if I don’t come through. But as I was talking to Ben, I realized that I am not putting my trust in God on their behalf. They have all chosen with great joy to take on His calling to GFR, and He is their provider. I am the messenger, that is true. But I am needing to pray for God to make a way. The weight of their lives in not ultimately in my hands… thank God. It made me feel better and I even was able to cry some after I expressed this to Ben.

It concerns me that I have the ability to shut off when I am feeling overwhelmed. I know that is probably my mind doing what it needs to in order to accomplish our vision. However, on the other hand I don’t ever want to loose the heart of sorrow or compassion. That would be when my job in Rwanda would be done. God give me the ability to see with your eyes, feel with your heart and trust you to do what only you can.

So, I guess to close I must end with saying I am grateful for God redirecting me back to the fact that this is His work. Only He can accomplish meeting all the needs of Kisaro District in Rwanda. It’s like a baby I must dedicate to Him (AGAIN!)

Love,

Melody, Ben and Team