6.18.2005

I was just sitting here talking to Jake discussing tomorrow’s trip. We are heading up to Bunyana church which is a sort of home coming for me. Let me explain, when I arrived in Rwanda last year (February), it was with a very anxious heart that I stepped onto that plane heading out of Chicago. In November prior, we received 220 photographs taken by a man we did not know. Dr. Eustache was related to our dearest friend Providence and he mentioned to the doctor through email that we would be interested in helping some people there because we had heard of the genocide. Dr. Eustache met with the elders of the villages and they set out to nominate the most impoverished and needy people in the Province of Byumba. I have to tell you it absolutely terrified me to receive the pictures. I certainly was not expecting to look at SO many faces. I was thinking 10 or 20 people needed my help. BUT, when we received over 1500 names that needed assistance in 14 villages, I was totally blown away. What in the world was I supposed to do? Me? I really felt that this was out of my ability to accomplish. And of course, who would someone call in that situation? The heavy hitters! We really tried to see if another organization could pick up the care for the families. Actually, I was really counting on it because I couldn’t imagine how God could use Ben and I. After all, I was a busy mom with four kids and my mind was on making sure my kids had the best opportunities to have a good life including education and spiritual development. That was my focus.

But I was surprised to hear that other organizations were just too strapped to offer anything except maybe a meal. I went to bed feeling completely frustrated. God, what could I do? How could I ever do what a major organization could? And bottom line, why should I? I mean, I didn’t know these people. They certainly didn’t know me. I could not sleep that night. I knew that God was saying these people were my responsibility. My heart was so heavy. It felt like a lead weight. But that night I decided to do whatever it took to help, even though I had no idea how.

Things progressed and we began to request help but without actually seeing the people ourselves, it was impossible to generate the kind of interest that was needed. So, we sold our wedding rings and asked for support from our closest friends. You can’t imagine how I felt not even knowing a soul here and just putting my life in the hands of total strangers. We talked a lot with some friends at World Relief in Rwanda and they helped us figure out a safe place to stay. Other than that, we stepped off the plane and I was assaulted with all kinds of strange smells, soldiers with rifles, a toilet I could not figure out how to flush, and lastly a man I knew as Dr. Eustache. I had never spoken to him personally, only by email. And off we went, traveling through various villages over the craziest roads that never seemed to end. I saw more poverty and desperation than I had ever seen before. And I honestly wanted to come home. Again, self doubt set in and I just could not imagine what in the world I was doing there. I was insane for thinking I could help.

But then I was driven up to Bunyana church. I traveled 3 hours in a minivan crammed with 18 strangers. My eyes were as big as saucers when we had to cross two rivers that had flowed over the muddy road. Then we walked a half hour up a mountain using a strange song rising up from a small building ahead as our guide. This is where the journey truly started for me. The name of Jesus was spoken there and it was a place of celebration. The pain of Rwanda seemed to dissipate in that place. I felt lifted and encouraged. It brought a moment of clarity in a land so many miles from home. This is where I take my friends tomorrow. To dirt floored, flower hanging, dancing church of sisters and brothers. I can’t wait.

And today, we celebrated three new sponsored families receiving their support in a “bank” that was literally about 10 x 10 feet. It was like bringing my dreams to life. 54 families are sponsored each month. A little more than a year ago, we had no idea how we could help these people, and now, people’s lives are being transformed. They have three years of sponsorship to get self-sufficient and they are well on their way. Several families have small businesses already. And the agriculture improvements are extraordinary.

How did this happen?? What do I know about any of these things? One minute I am working on spelling words with my kids and the next minute I am discussing how to solve the AIDS problem in our villages. Where do I get off thinking that I can make a difference? You know, all of this is truly God’s work in my life. I came from the same place every good Christian does. Our intentions are good but we just don’t know how to make the next step. And for every step I took, God moved me 10 ahead. I can’t tell you how we ended up with an agricultural specialist, an accountant, a director and a pastor! What would have happened if I never took the first step? People would be dead, I know that. That seems extreme, but I know it is true because I heard that today from so many people. Praise God for His insight into my life. He saw something in me that I did not see. To touch the faces of these people is like allowing God to flow through my hands. I love them so deeply and passionately and I never even knew I was supposed to be anything other than a good mom, an obedient Christian and a loving wife.

Until tomorrow, with love…

Melody, Ben and Team