1.27.05

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I had to turn off the lights in my bedroom to type this. My room has a mountain of half folded clothes scattering every inch of floor and I just can’t do any more today. I need time to be alone. I have reached my limit of people today. Even hearing my son brush his teeth in the other bathroom is getting under my skin. Peace and quiet – PLEASE!

Last time I had refugees in my house it truly changed me. It was so new and the bond was so unexpected. This time I think I feel less zealous and in general I feel some guilt over that. I feel confused and unfocused. Maybe it is because I am feeling overwhelmed and yet I am more laid back this time around (being high strung might have its benefits I guess!)

Last time, we planned a month for the arrival. I had prepped myself for as many contingencies as possible (none of which occurred!). This stay has been easier and harder at the exact same time. It is easier because this family takes care of itself. They want to cook, clean, and diaper their babies (3 different diaper sizes). They want to drive and learn to read and write. It is harder because I cannot keep track of all their stuff (in addition to all my families stuff). And maybe it is harder because I had 4 adults last time (we have 4 extra children comparatively).

Today we woke up to the whole family cleaning their area (even floors!). They had already made their beds and Majeni (19 year old son) was out shoveling our driveway. How did he know to do that?? After he shoveled, he swept the remaining lines of snow away. He is such a diligent worker.

I also went to the store today to pick up a prescription (and it wasn’t for anxiety either!) and decided to take the two oldest girls (15 and 17) with me. They were silent in the “market”. Their eyes were enormous. But I think that wasn’t just because the store was so big, but also because they felt so small. They have so much to adjust to and they felt intimidated by the big, glaring billboards, the elevator music playing in the background, the amount of items on every inch of the shelves and then you add to that the people interaction! Whew! I looked at Jewel for the first time through foreign eyes. There really are so many gimmicks; it made it hard to see the products.

The biggest thing that stood out to me today (other than hand-applying deodorant at 3:00) was when I offered Fartun (17 year old girl) a Coca-Cola. She said “yes” immediately. I was so excited because she didn’t want to buy anything else (we were looking for any familiar food items they might enjoy). When we got home I was doing something in the kitchen and I looked up only to see Mama nursing baby Mohammud and drinking the Coke.

How unselfish…would I have done that? Would I go someplace so far away from home and not think to satisfy my own desires before others? I mean, she could have asked for 2 Cokes, but she wouldn’t think to overburden me. What is this thing that I have lost, this uncompromising love for others? This giving approach to life, this unquenchable thirst for embracing devotion? It is too cliché to say that it inspired me. I am praying for God to make me that loyal.

The shower was discovered today. Mama gasped when I pulled up the shower knob and it sprayed through the head above. Mama also played soccer with my Michael today (when was the last time I did that??). I gave the girls “homework” of handwriting (they did SO well). Ben took the men to the African market and bought goat meat and some crazy looking dried fish thing. I couldn’t eat the chicken I made because I couldn’t stop gawking at them while they ate their boney goat! OK, pizza is sounding really good right now.

Ben also took Majeni to a parking lot for driving lessons. Ok, remember he is 19, and wanting to go on 35. Majeni had trouble distinguishing between the brake and the accelerator! Ben almost had a heart attack when he floored it and almost ran our minivan into a snow bank. Ben said that he had to ask him to take off his new boots because they were to heavy to “sense” the power of the gas pedal. LOL!

Oh! And a crisis may be revealing itself. The baby has pink eye. PINK EYE! And guess what? Our Michael has it too! Uh Oh! Hopefully it won’t spread like the bubonic plague with all these people so close to each other.

Well, this has been rewarding. I feel more appreciative and less drained. I just want to send big thanks out to everyone who has called, emailed or dropped by. God bless you and thank you for your assistance! We literally could not do this with out you. We are his hands and feet, all of us. Christ is with us.