July 3, 2005
I don’t even know the day. I realize that I have been home for less than 6 days, but it seems as though I am still figuring out what month it is.
We went to a zoo today. Brookfield. Expensive. Every exhibit and activity cost something. How ironic is it that 7 days ago I was in a national park in which I scoured a savannah for giraffes, walked on the shores to observe hippos and a camouflaged croc and watched in fright as our very own guide opened our bus door to taunt the baboon community for only $30 U.S.? Today, I had to fight off hundreds of people to peer into a glass cage made up with fake rocks and various logs which hid one lonely bobcat. Of course that is not the only animal we saw, but still I think we paid over $100 just to see wild animals. That doesn’t even count lunch.
I am also fighting off the strangest feelings. For instance, today I was standing in the shower and shutting my mouth against the stream of hot water pouring down my face. It is instinctive in Rwanda to make sure no unbottled water is swallowed, therefore the shower paranoia. I also spent time walking down the congested streets of Naperville, there was a fest of some kind going on. I watched the pedestrians walking up and down the crowded block and kept seeing the streets of Kigali in my mind. There was just no comparison other than the amount of people. People here are so clean. They have clothes, pretty ones. No one was shoeless. I saw no unattended children running around. No beggars. No bicycle taxis. There wasn’t a single person carrying anything on their head. There were children being carted around like aristocrats in strollers more expensive than my bedroom furniture. Ben even mentioned that they had families. Yes, most of them were with their family.
Family. One word can hold so much emotion. Frustration, belonging, joy, even hate. But for the Rwandan’s, that word can also provoke feelings of terror. Loosing an entire family, which is all you have when you are poor, must be worse than death itself. Loved ones are the only reason you hang on when you have no food, no shelter and no life at all. Life is wrapped up in people. And here in America, people are plentiful, food is plentiful, houses are plentiful…but relationships…well they are usually what is missing. Maybe we are experiencing our own kind of war.
I feel like celebrating America on Monday. I began to ponder all of the wonders around me even on my drive home: Where did we get so much gravel to put down on the highway? It’s crazy. We have so much asphalt. Where did that come from? And how great is it to have lights on whenever we want them? Electricity doesn’t suddenly shut off in airports or at home. Hot water is always ready to come out of a clean faucet. Roaches are a non-issue thanks to Orkin (and thank God for the Orkin man). And myself, I am a woman with the right to go anywhere I want and feel that I matter. My opinions matter. I don’t have to leave the politics up to Ben. I can say whatever I want. I can even say I disagree with the President, if I did, without any worry about retribution on the government’s part.
But most of all I am struggling with my faith. I am still struggling with why God allows poverty. I know he isn’t the cause. But I am deeply concerned about my own doubt… I am wrestling with the fact that He could stop it. He could do something miraculous. And if poverty and pain exists in the kindest people I have ever met, than I have asked myself, “Why wouldn’t it happen to you”? I guess it could happen to me. I feel confused and sad. And maybe my sadness isn’t so much over another country but over what could happen to us. I am grieving the pain of Rwanda, and wondering why. There is no answer. I certainly have heard all of the pat answers. But one thing I keep doing is asking God. Maybe I will never get an answer about why Rwanda struggles. But I can’t get stuck there. I must keep doing something. I can’t let the question stop me from trying.
Sleep evades me. Processing takes so much energy. And yet, the road opens in front of me and I must follow it. Who knows where it leads next.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
6.25.2005 & 6.26.2005 LAST DAYS OF JUNE TRIP
Today is the last day I am spending in
Who’s baptism? Kim’s. Kim has been feeling like she needed to take that step of obedience in her walk of faith and asked Ndugu if he would perform the ceremony. I can’t say what touched me so much about it really. It must have been the sun and the water. But in addition, it was Kim’s spirit. She just seemed totally transformed. As she went under the water she was smiling, but when she came up there was literally sunlight beaming on her face… or maybe it was just the glow she had herself. It was so moving. It was unlike any other time I have spent here. The event inspired Cyprien to be baptized during our next trip when his kids can be there to see it.
Usually, I am facing so much emotional turmoil dealing with the poverty and malnutrition. But today, I had the honor of being a part of a beautiful ceremony. Speaking of beauty, the Rwandese have a tradition of giving you a new name. So, to keep with that tradition, Ndugu gave Kim the name Keza (pronounced Kayza). It means beautiful and kind (kind meaning generous). It suits her. Now I want one too!
OK – Here is the next part in the airplane…
I just ate pizza…. It was good. But I think I was expecting more satisfaction from it. It just goes to show you what an issue I have with food being my comfort! Back to reality.
Yesterday when we were saying goodbye to all the Rwandan staff at the airport, everyone was crying, especially Cyprien, Vianney and Angela. It struck me that I was not. I felt like I had a wall up inside. I couldn’t figure out why. I have had some time to talk to Ben about it and I think I know what is going on.
These people have sacrificed so much to make GFR work in
It concerns me that I have the ability to shut off when I am feeling overwhelmed. I know that is probably my mind doing what it needs to in order to accomplish our vision. However, on the other hand I don’t ever want to loose the heart of sorrow or compassion. That would be when my job in
So, I guess to close I must end with saying I am grateful for God redirecting me back to the fact that this is His work. Only He can accomplish meeting all the needs of Kisaro District in
Love,
Melody, Ben and Team
6.24.2005 RWANDA
Ok, I am going to try to be as descriptive as possible without actually knowing what happened today. I haven’t been feeling well the last two days but today I finally got the results… Mantazuma’s revenge, or wait. Maybe it should be Mazungu’s revenge!
Before I start this entry, I must talk about all of the food I plan on eating when I get home in 2 days. That seems so shallow… but I can’t stop fantasizing about cheese. The cheese here is so bad. It is goat cheese and never oozes. And there is definitely nothing yellow. Angela and I have been talking about nachos… oh man, what I wouldn’t do for Chili’s all you can eat chips and salsa. I feel really bad for writing this! I don’t know why! And then today, I was online and the yahoo front page said that “Batman Begins” is out. Holy Cow! It burst through my mind like a freight train! I can’t wait to see a movie. I feel so far away from the reality of television, movies, all-you-can-eat food and decent cheese. OK, I just have to say that what they call pizza here is ridiculous. It starts out promising with a nice 4” round bread but the tomato “sauce” is the first thing out of line. And then there are these slices of meat that comes from who knows where. But the finale is that abominable cheese. OK!
Anyway, as far as the actual day was, I feel really sad looking through the pictures. I am feeling more than robbed, I feel left out. It was not anyone’s fault, I made the decision to stay home (which I am so glad I did). There are some raw emotions I feel when I look at all of the families together with out me. Frustration, anger, and even jealousy. But I also can’t help but feel appreciation and admiration of all our team that pulled it together without us. Even Ben was noticeably missing from some of the photos. Let me explain.
Most of the team went to visit with the Mayor of Kisaro (the district we serve in) this morning. The politician was interested in us implementing a half million dollar project to serve the district. OK – reality check. That actually makes me laugh considering our current resources. But I understand that we have entered his district and began to help some families, how could he know that we aren’t at that level? Well, apparently he has a MUCH better idea of what we are doing. But the politics involved, yikes. I just hate that side of this stuff. I mean, I step into this arena with the intention of feeding a few people and before I know it I have men in suits making proposals… problem is, handling it without diplomacy can only bring trouble later. I really HATE it. I am not the type to play games and talk sweet words… The fact is I am mad that in general politicians are wealthy and their people are dying. Basically, words were exchanged and reports will be given, but it will be reviewed by our board first. I guess I can leave the responsibility up to them!
After that, Ben was scheduled to meet with the American Consulate to discuss one of our friend’s asylum case which is may be held up here in
Both meetings were good. The consulate was very informative and was going to start investigating things right away to see what the hold up was, and the large meeting was filled with good explanations about our purpose and vision, guidelines we expect our families to follow, the gospel message and a few more interviews that Angela covered. Everyone pulled more than their weight. I am so proud of all them. I think it would be very scary to have that kind of responsibility with little preparation. And they never even thought twice about it. They just got things together and went. I feel like a mother who watched her children leave the house for the first day of school. Nervous and excited at the same time. I missed out on the celebration and thank-you songs and dances. Bummer.
Ben and Tim arrived just in time for Ben to charge the families to use the sponsor money according to our guidelines, and Tim read a passage the Bible and they all held hands and prayed. It was an awesome moment. It was Holy ground.
After seeing how the team filled in when we could not be everywhere, Ben said it was so amazing to know that if God called us home to heaven, that it was so wonderful to know that GFR could go on even with out our involvement. Praise God.
As a last note, I need to write a miraculous circumstance I was only able to witness via photos. Earlier this week I came across a woman who came up to me with a very sick 2 year old child. Her name was Felicity. She had a concerned look on her face and I was able to surmise from our talk that her son was very ill. His left leg had an old piece of torn cloth wrapped loosely around it. She pulled it off and pulled my hand towards it. First the son cried weakly and then I carefully rested my fingertips on the inside of the very swollen knee. It was absolutely burning. The leg was swelled up three times the size. She also had me feel under his armpit and he indeed had a fever. The child was laying limp in her arms and he could not stand at all. She also told me that he had not eaten in days (she kept trying to nurse him but he would cry and pull away). This is not something you want to be seeing on top of a mountain with no doctor in sight. What drives me nuts is knowing that everyone in
6.23.2005 RWANDA
Have you ever seen a savannah on television? In the 
e than I even picture in Austrailia. So, basically I would consider myself in a place very unlike “
When we decided to make a trip to Ak
no boundaries or walls. It is just an open area of protection for wild animals, and you can literally drive into the center of a herd!
There are different areas that attract a plethora of animals. The forest area I mentioned especially attracted hairy and mischievous baboons as well as the delicate and graceful impalas. The impalas were one of the most beautiful animals I had ever seen. They had black striping in several places like their backside and the tips of their ears. The only thing that is in that area that we did not see was leopards. This is to be expected because they come out at night to hunt. They must have been asleep in the shade someplace. But Brian also spotted a warthog too.
In the wetlands area there were so many types of birds! There were supposed to be over 500 species in the park. Of course we saw so many, but my favorite was the fish eagle. It is a large eagle with a white head and a black body with red stripes on the wings. When it flies over the lake, it feels like you are watching why the word “majestic” was added to the Webster Dictionary. But besides that, we came across hippos swimming. There were two different groups and there was probably a total of 25 or so altogether. These things are really gross. They were passing gas under the stagnant green water and the volcanic eruption that followed was truly momentous. But their eyes were piercing. They watched us the whole time sniffing at us and blowing sprays of water in the air. We also heard them bellow like cow’s mooing only deeper and more resonant. We also saw a “crazy” elephant. Apparently this one has overturned two cars and so we stay
ed clear. But he was very brown – not grey. And he had a huge trunk!
I indeed do love the savannah. I think it was my favorite area to visit. A herd of zebras were only yards from us as were a herd of curious water buffalo. It was odd to see a buffalo walk towards our bus and lift his head in the air to sniff at us. He was very interested in securing the safety of his family. But the most astounding thing I saw were the giraffe’s. I saw REAL ones. 
I know that may offend the animal lovers on this list, but I have never seen a creature so rich in color and attitude. First we left our vehicle to step into the muddy ground mostly giraffe tread. Once my foot hit the ground, I realized this was a moment I would never forget. Our guide walked us around some briar patches and sometimes I would look down and see hove prints…big ones! We looked up in the distance and watched 3 giraffes take off running into another field. So, we jumped back into the bus (which is now covered with muddy feet), and followed the herd. Can you believe it?? I felt like the Croc Hunter! As quiet as a bus could travel, we followed a small trail that led us to him…the biggest and most colorful giraffe I have ever seen. He had very dark brown spots and brown lines in between. I stepped out of the bus again and I can’t tell you how amazing it was to have nothing standing between yourself and this animal. It was like I stepped into another world full of possibilities. As we slowly approached him, he twitched his muscles… it wasn’t until we were less than 30 feet away that he stepped away. We kept snapping pictures for 10 minutes and then left. Wow…
We returned back to the “lodge” after 6 hours on the trail.
We ate a great meal together as a team and Ben talked about what he was thankful for in each person here. It was moving to me because I feel like last year I was so alone and now to have such a great team in place was surreal. It was the perfect ending to our “African” day.
I will never forget the ways the trees in the savannah look like they are cupping their branches to the sky. It is like they are praising God and reaching up for him with fingers spread.
Other than all those wonderful things, the only other thing is that I am still feeling sick. I must have eaten something that hasn’t set right with me. But I am sure it will pass. Tomorrow we are going to see the Mayor of Kisaro and also see the American Consulate.
Saturday morning we will have our big meeting…fitting as it is our day of leaving. Things always change here… so I never know how things will work out. As far as today, I never imagined experiencing something so wonderful!
Love
Melody, Ben and Team
6.22.2005
There is something so pleasant about children. No matter how many we see, their eyes and faces change even the foulest mood. This country has faced a lot of difficulties and those situations seem lost in the children here. They smile so easily and they play with total abandon. It is not the same as in
For instance when they follow us, and they always do, we turn around quickly and run towards them. While this may sound like a mean thing to do because we scare them a little, they absolutely love it. They scream, run and laugh all at the same time. It is one of the most fun non-language barrier games I have played with them. But besides that, they play with sticks and pieces of sugar cane leaves as well as wheels made out of wood to push around. They also make homemade pinwheels and I have even seen children play with an old tire.
They are also very serious about school. Today we visited a primary school that educated children from first to sixth grade. Children don’t come to school with brand new supplies to use; they make their own notebooks by cutting out newspaper and stapling some precious papers inside. This is what they use to write notes into. Those who have the privilege of going to school sit in classrooms three to a desk as a teacher teaches from one book per subject. The school’s generally have 1 or 2 dictionaries for over 15 classrooms. Teachers use chalk until it is completely gone. And the classroom can consist of over 60 students at a time. When the teacher asks a question that needs answering, children don’t politely raise their hands. The students stretch out their arms and snap their fingers together by loosening their wrists and flicking their hands at the same time. It is difficult to describe the sound in the classroom as they all whip their hands out and begin the snap-snap-snap noises to give an answer. They must stand before answering the question. It made me think even though the chalkboards are old, the windows are broken and the supplies are limited; the spirit of determination lives on.
All of these things make me think about my own wastefulness. When I have a tube of toothpaste that is getting even the slightest bit low, I get another. Don’t even get me started on paper… paper is just a throw away commodity. But are all of the things I have useful? Purposeful? NEEDED? I can think of about 10 hair and skin products I have under my sink at home that I have just tried and never used again. The items that they have are precious to them. No child ever leaves his books at school…they are not only wanted but needed! Students carry the little bag of books around like a coveted trophy. How many things do I have that are that precious to me? I can’t tell you the countless amount of things I have purchased that I had considered cheap enough to be thrown away if I didn’t like it.
Before we left, the children even did an improtu dance and song for us. Actually there were several. It was one of the most fabulous moments for me on this trip. Usually I am busy working on interviews and being one on one with the families but here I was able to just enjoy being present with them and watch them do what they do best, celebrate! At the end of the performance, over 300 students gathered close to the teacher and she clapped her hands three times and then they all shook their white palmed hands in the air while saying, “AAAAAhhhh!” It was kind of like saying a big goodbye from all of them at once. I learned later that what they were singing was, “We are so glad you visited us. We are the children of Gitumba and we are children of peace. We are God’s children and our generation is for peace. God’s kingdom is for love.” Honestly, when was the last time any school in
For the last hoorah, Ben began a cat and mouse game with me. He would throw one of their homemade balls at me and I would try to catch it. When I did, he would run away and I would chase him through the crowd of students and teachers and throw it back at him (he often let me hit him to add to the show). Every time we would catch each other, they would laugh and laugh. I was very sneaky and Ben is difficult to hide among small children… so I think I can say I must have been the cat!
Tim got to meet with the pastor of the church nearby and he got a lot of insight for how the church is set up here. I think there are a lot of similarities between us. They have a time for “cells” or small groups. They meet in groups of 3 or 4 after church and pray together. They also have Sunday School for kids as well as women’s and men’s groups. Tim feels good about the meeting. He really likes the pastor.
It was a great day and we finished by going to a market for a few souvenirs. Everyone was pretty tired. Some of us feel a little sad because today was the last day we will have a chance to interact with the community we love in Gitumba. And also Vianney and Cyprien were unable to join us today. It was like a part of us was missing. We have come to love these guys. In fact, Cyprien and his wife came for dinner tonight and when they were leaving, Ben went over to hug him and literally picked him up off his feet (Cyprien is probably 5’ 9”)! Ben towers over him. Cyprien immediately responded by picking Ben up while squeezing him! We all burst out laughing as he breathlessly said, “Holy Big Man Batman”! What have we started here?
Tomorrow, we take a sabbatical and visit a national park with the whole team. I definitely need one. How do I know? Well, today Jake took a turn driving in the car and everyone was talking about his driving and I lost my temper. I just want you to know that even a missionary can be very rude! I actually told the whole cramped car load of ministry people to “shut up”! And not just once, I said it three times! Good grief! I don’t know what got into me! I apologized like 10 minutes up the road. But it took everything in Tim to not say something… We had a good laugh about it tonight at dinner.
Friday we have our large meeting with all the families. Saturday will be a time to just say a formal, “THANK YOU!” to the entire Rwandan staff. They are just doing amazing things here. Can’t wait to get home and see my kids. I missed them like crazy today.
Love and blessings,
Melody, Ben and Team
6.21.2005
I thought it would be good for everyone to have an idea of what happened from the Team’s perspective. I couldn’t say it any better myself:
Jake: I don’t know where the camera is. Today I decided that for me taking pictures could potentially be a distraction. And I just wanted an opportunity to not think about anything but being with the people. Of course, being with the people means playing soccer. That is what I seem to do. But it is always different because as I run up and down a dirty field with my nice American shoes it is crazy for me to think about these guys playing barefoot. But they seem very excited about me playing with them and also bringing a soccer ball. In the midst of my play today I decided to take a journey to the school not knowing that I was going to be walking next to the highway. In front of me, I saw what I would say is my highlight for the day; Angela had three or four girls on either side of her laughing, joking, talking and hanging on every English word she would speak. It is great to see my wife care for these people and to bring them joy. They were so excited that we would just take time to walk with them to school. There are many other things that happened today, sitting in on interviews, learning to play handball, sweating as we walked up a mountain to Vianney’s house and chasing the little children who were afraid to see the big white man walking through the village. But the fact remains that there are more needs here than we have resources to provide.
Angela: Are you kidding me? Giggle giggle... I find myself asking that after every thing I see, after every conversation we have, and after every experience. I don’t know, I guess when we were interviewing an orphan boy of 25 years, I couldn’t imagine having to watch my family die in front of me and then having to take care of the rest of my brothers and sisters. Could I do that? That was the sad part of the day. The good thing is that GFR is taking care of him and he can take care of his family now. And then I just want to say that my high of the day was talking to some school girls and trying to communicate with each other. Then they asked if I would come to school with them, I said yes and they put their arms around me and off we went. It was like I was a part of them, like we had known each other for so long. It gave me encouragement and it keeps me going. It lightens the burden and you thank God that He gives joy.
Brian: First of all there was a conversation that primarily Tim and Ndugu were having in the car on the way back to the airport to retrieve our luggage, and hearing Ndugu’s passion for what all of us either aspire for or already are as far as a Christian is absolutely right on target. This is my first experience being out of the
Tim: All right, not that I didn’t feel this way before but after today I can totally feel God’s hand in everything about GFR. And it is almost even a physical feeling. I can feel it that he is in this thing. I can feel it in painful things that happen and joyful things too because there is always both in everyday. I think it started today with the letter from Joseph, our cook. He wrote us saying that he is HIV positive and to just have had a meeting last night with the WEACT organization for AIDS, and now we are faced with the reality of someone serving our food was like God tapping me on my shoulder and saying this is part of your mission. And then to go into the village and sit in the church and hear the joy in the voices about how lives have been changed. And have a Muzee put his arm around me while he smiled and laughed, I could feel the joy in the moment. And even with the soccer games and the fun – God is there every step of the way. At the airport, you heard that story from Brian and it was just one more place God showed up in the challenges and the solutions to the challenges. Bottom line, God is all over this thing.
Ben: Wow, who would have thought playing Frisbee with 50 precious Rwandan kids could be so fun??? While Melody was interviewing the first few families, I played Frisbee with kids. We laughed. They learned how to throw, and they taught me how to push the wheelie toy (it took me 15 trys) Then I joined the sponsored family interviews. Wow, God is really doing an incredible thing here. I heard a widow say that without GFR her and her 8 children would have surely died! This ministry is not just about getting clothes on these people, but actually saving lives. The deeper we go into the mountains where the people have been forgotten, the more real the needs are obvious. Life and death. I saw another not for profit slogan today…it said “We believe in LIFE BEFORE DEATH.” Powerful words.
As a team building exercise, we all went up to the top of a mountain where our Case Worker Vienne and his wonderful family lives…1 hour walk and 1 hour drive….WAY UP THERE. He was overjoyed for us to see his home and all his neighbors saw us loving on him and his family. It was truly a team building exercise!
Cyprien: Today I was very happy because we went through today without any difficulty or accidents. And then we were able to meet with some families even without a lot of planning ahead. I also heard some interviews. I was happy to hear about some of the things the families have achieved so far. There are so many things that are interesting and I was laughing a lot with Angela. For example, the family that didn’t know how many children they had! We asked this man how many children he had. He said, “maybe I have two, maybe four.” And then I said, “Maybe 7.5”! And then I also enjoyed the soccer game. And at the school the children were so happy. And I much enjoyed the climb to Vianney’s house up the mountain even though it was very tiring. I was happy to see Vianney’s family again. And then the way we helped a woman named Felicity with a sick child. We paid for her medical insurance and prayed for her. And then the fun driving down the mountain, and the Rwandese children asking, “Are these white men human beings”?! Also, I was not expecting to get any transport from Gaseke, but I hitch hiked a sugar cane truck. And the truck took me to Kabuye where they keep the petrol gas. From there I took a motor bike taxi home. And I am so glad to share this meal with you. That’s all. I want to thank the whole team.
Kim: I wish my dad could have hiked up the mountain with me. My dad used to take us hiking in
Ndugu: I can say even if you went home today, the kid saying, “Are these people human beings” got me to think, because there are so many things that separate us. We are from a totally different life and world. There are so many things separate us and we are so different. But you did something good for that kid (by giving him a stuffed animal) and that love can bring us together and make us one and we are the same. It got me to think of the Good Samaritan. Who is my brother? It is the one who stopped and helped. It was the one who acted. And all of the sudden, this kid has never seen a white person – he was thinking it was a ghost but because of handing him something, that love shows him we are one and the same. He could have been having nightmares about ghosts, and one act of love can change everything. How much can love do, if it is really expressed in a very simple way. And then the kid was celebrating and following us. He didn’t even know what the toy was and he still celebrated. There are so many ghosts out there, but love was there today. There is no formula or equation for that. I wish you could hear how he said it. It was a great day for me.
6.20.2005
There is nothing truly profound I need to say. I made it through today and that is all that matters. I slept late and dragged myself from the bed. I didn’t think I was going to go to the orphan’s home today but I did. I was able to assist. I walked to an unsponsored widow’s home (named Serefina) afterwards and that pretty much was the maximum amount I could take in. The pictures will explain themselves.
Somehow I also managed to visit the AIDS clinic today. They offered their services to us as a whole organization. They can offer us free care and medication for those infected. It will be a huge benefit to our families. People’s lives will be saved.
I cried today. I just flat out laid in the bed tonight and balled. It is just too much. So much to do and people need help now. I just can’t get the hundreds of women and children in Serafina’s situation out of my head…
When we were leaving I called her down to the car. We had some clothing for her children and she literally shook with joy in receiving them. How in the world can this be? She has rags and a hut the size of my bathroom to house her 5 children. It is as dark as midnight inside. Her husband was killed in the genocide. Her 6 person family eats only 2 kilos of beans a day. What does she have to live for? What does she think of us?
I just have too much to take in. Tonight I am thanking God that I have a team of people around me that have been so amazingly supportive and wonderful. When I was crying, Angela and Ben just rubbed my back. And then Tim read me a little of his personal journal to encourage me. It really helped me to just cry it out. I felt overwhelmed and it was understood. I know they are all going through it too.
It feels so good to not be alone. And I realize that there are many back home praying for me too. What would I do without all those prayers?
OK, I’m done.
Love you all,
Melody, Ben and Team
p.s. Hi! Ben here. I wish you all were here. It is amazing to have other friends touch, feel, and see with their own eyes what Melody and I have seen. What a team we have here. You should have seen the way they worked at the orphan home. We were all part of the up hill brick assembly line, Jake, Brian, and Tim carried water up hill, Kim snapped and video’d till she dropped.
Ben and Melody, Jake and Angela visited a Tim and Stephanie Wolf Kingdom Assignment Widow…the pictures say a lot. Her name was Serafina. Her home was less than a shack; it was a mud hole, no husband, and 5 kids. Jake and I both actually kissed her soft cheek when we left. God literally told me to have Cyprien give her one month sponsorship right there, on the spot… She STILL is not sponsored…just $59.00 per month would give her so much hope, and very possibly save her children’s lives. Who will step up and help us help her?
Love, Ben
6.19.2005
Things to process today:
- Being home in Bunyana church
- Listening to Tim preach a beautiful message about God’s love
- Seeing more than 25 disabled and handicapped people without medical care
- Watching flies gather in the mouths of tiny babies
- Over 500 starving children sweating in line for an hour to receive a balloon
- Watching Brian consider how to organize hundreds of people into that line
- A young father’s written letter begging for help to survive
- People wearing nothing but torn rags
- Giving desperate hungry people soap when they obviously need food
- Looking at the crevices in the calloused hands of old women begging for soap
- The feelings of anger at young men pushing mothers in the “soap” line
- The feelings of guilt for ANY anger I feel towards these people
- Six hours fearing that I would fall off a cliff or my butt would be bruised as we were driving
I can’t even believe what happened today. We drove so far to get to church this morning. And then we were welcomed into the church at Bunyana. It was strange and yet familiar. The smells were the same, sharp and musky. The dirt and rocks outside the small mud building had more erosion than I remember. The pastor was a quiet young man I had never met. Instead of hearing the traditional drums, my ears were bombarded with the sound of an electric keyboard that echoed a cutting snare sound (which was hooked up to a car battery). People were everywhere, not only Bunyana church people, but villages of people looking for relief. This was no ordinary church service; it was intended to impress an organization in a down-home kind of way.
It saddened me actually. I was expecting the quaint little group I had met last year and I guess I should not have been surprised that word travels in these small villages. The part I liked the best was Tim speaking. There was a piece of me that felt like I was home again. There is something so comforting about the familiar. Tim’s voice was a comfort. In addition, I asked Ndugu if he could ask the church to sing acapela for us and he relayed the message. They obliged and it was a beautiful thing to hear their strong high voices singing in harmony. I cried and felt truly grateful for the simplicity of the church I knew.
We had planned a children’s activity day which included stations for bubble blowing, PlayDoh, soccer, Frisbees, bead stringing, etc. When church concluded, the crowds had grown to overflowing capacity and it was not conducive to stay at the church. We slowly made our way to the car and drove to a nearby school. Even this was overwhelming because looking behind us we watched in rapt amazement as an exodus was occurring before our very eyes. Hundreds of people were following us.
Needless to say, it took almost an hour to decide how we would proceed. There was no way that we could have any “group” activity, the crowd was just too big. At its peak, we think it was somewhere in the 700 people range. 700 people?! What should we do with 700 people?
These people are not the kind that will stand in line for food or water for hours. Bunyana village is so poor and needy, they will stand in a line for a small bar of soap or a balloon. I can’t justify what happened today in my mind. I was angry and frustrated at the inability to connect with a few people amidst the chaos. Instead I felt like I was in a check out line scanning groceries in the self check out. You have one, check! You have one, check! The line went on and on.
The most difficult part is that so many have real physical needs. I mean, there were kids with sores on their heads and mouths, broken bones, a 7 x 7 inch tumor/growth on the side of a boy’s face, nearly everyone is malnourished especially young children, crippled men and women, so many that I am sure have AIDS and those are just some of the sights I took in.
And then to just jump in a car and drive back to a comfortable home with hot food waiting on the table and an ice cold bottle of Coke which I drank through a straw while I was standing in a hot shower (don’t ask how I accomplished that). It just doesn’t add up in my mind.
We were talking about this at the dinner table tonight and I heard Jake say something that struck a cord with me. With downcast eyes he said, “My spirit was willing today but my flesh was weak.” And then Tim said smiling, “I felt energized today.” (Secretly I wanted to choke him!) But actually, I really related to that statement also because this whole week has been very exciting for me as we met with the families. However, the overwhelming crowd pressing in just sucked me dry and I felt like I was floundering physically, emotionally and spiritually. As Ben said earlier, “Thank God for fresh legs”!
I am praying for energy for tomorrow. And God’s word promises that His mercy is new every morning. Now I am praying for the faith to trust Him again. I think that TRUST seems to be the main focus of most of my diaries lately. Haven’t I learned that yet??
Love you and miss you,
Melody, Ben and Team
6.18.2005
I was just sitting here talking to Jake discussing tomorrow’s trip. We are heading up to Bunyana church which is a sort of home coming for me. Let me explain, when I arrived in
But I was surprised to hear that other organizations were just too strapped to offer anything except maybe a meal. I went to bed feeling completely frustrated. God, what could I do? How could I ever do what a major organization could? And bottom line, why should I? I mean, I didn’t know these people. They certainly didn’t know me. I could not sleep that night. I knew that God was saying these people were my responsibility. My heart was so heavy. It felt like a lead weight. But that night I decided to do whatever it took to help, even though I had no idea how.
Things progressed and we began to request help but without actually seeing the people ourselves, it was impossible to generate the kind of interest that was needed. So, we sold our wedding rings and asked for support from our closest friends. You can’t imagine how I felt not even knowing a soul here and just putting my life in the hands of total strangers. We talked a lot with some friends at World Relief in
But then I was driven up to Bunyana church. I traveled 3 hours in a minivan crammed with 18 strangers. My eyes were as big as saucers when we had to cross two rivers that had flowed over the muddy road. Then we walked a half hour up a mountain using a strange song rising up from a small building ahead as our guide. This is where the journey truly started for me. The name of Jesus was spoken there and it was a place of celebration. The pain of
And today, we celebrated three new sponsored families receiving their support in a “bank” that was literally about 10 x 10 feet. It was like bringing my dreams to life. 54 families are sponsored each month. A little more than a year ago, we had no idea how we could help these people, and now, people’s lives are being transformed. They have three years of sponsorship to get self-sufficient and they are well on their way. Several families have small businesses already. And the agriculture improvements are extraordinary.
How did this happen?? What do I know about any of these things? One minute I am working on spelling words with my kids and the next minute I am discussing how to solve the AIDS problem in our villages. Where do I get off thinking that I can make a difference? You know, all of this is truly God’s work in my life. I came from the same place every good Christian does. Our intentions are good but we just don’t know how to make the next step. And for every step I took, God moved me 10 ahead. I can’t tell you how we ended up with an agricultural specialist, an accountant, a director and a pastor! What would have happened if I never took the first step? People would be dead, I know that. That seems extreme, but I know it is true because I heard that today from so many people. Praise God for His insight into my life. He saw something in me that I did not see. To touch the faces of these people is like allowing God to flow through my hands. I love them so deeply and passionately and I never even knew I was supposed to be anything other than a good mom, an obedient Christian and a loving wife.
Until tomorrow, with love…
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