There are days like today that someone else might look at my life and think, "She has definitely lost her mind." I mean really, what else is there to say? I have four children between the ages of 8 and 13, I am a cofounder and project director of an international organization, I have gum disease which the dentist treated today (which is just gross!). I frequently sleep in the afternoon before I pass out of exhaustion because I receive emails and calls from staff people thousands of miles away that require immediate attention, I have to figure out how to squeeze in science projects and sleepovers, and I must prepare for the 18 shots that my family has to endure on Thursday (my mind is reeling at the screaming about to ensue). I guess lots of moms can relate to busyness. Mine often relates to things that are outside of Romeoville, Illinois. I have asked myself a million times, "How in the world did I end up here"?
I was talking to a friend today and I was reminded of the fact that I had four children at fairly young age. I was 22 when Amber arrived and the three others came before I was 27. It is amazing that I survived so many years without sleep. I sometimes joke that perhaps my afternoon dozing is a result of years of catch up. But as I thought of that, I realized that certainly those hard times prepared me for our work now. The responsibility of caring for over a thousand souls and then connecting them to the people who assist them financially in the states is daunting to say the least. But truly, is it any different then being 8 months pregnant and having two children sick with chicken pox and high fevers who is wife to a husband working two jobs to support us? Probably not that much.
The truth is, I don't know what is more overwhelming. However, I know I have to somehow become capable of being more balanced at home and in the mission field. My son cried yesterday saying he was fearful of not passing the sixth grade and reaching his life long dream of becoming a video game creator. And then, yesterday night I received an email from our staff that 3 people died waiting for sponsorship. A blow beyond my comprehension. What requires more concern?
There is nothing as important to me as wrapping my arms around my boy and soothing him. But there is also the call of my heart to be urgent in Rwanda. Lives hang in the balance each day. But my son is here and I must not forget that his heart hangs in the balance as well.
Mom and missionary... a flexing position indeed!
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