Is it possible to be homesick while you are still home?

Is it possible to be homesick while you are still home? I feel melancholy at the thought of leaving home. It is all really happening! We are very close to completing our financial goal, and it eerie because I somehow thought perhaps it wouldn't happen! But I have been writing a list for three weeks now of things we need to accomplish before leaving the U.S. anyway, and it keeps growing. Ben and I worked on it together today and decided we needed to break it down in weekly chunks to accomplish it all (5 weeks to go). How do people do this?? I have never heard missionaries complain about how much preparation goes into leaving or coming home! I certainly won't be the first one right? Or will I?

I am contemplating all of the comforts I will miss sorely. Particularly my bed. It is so warm and comforting with a huge blanket. I love to spread out on it for a nap with all three of the dogs cuddling close to me. That reminds me, I will miss my dogs. I can't believe I am saying that! Those animals have been such a trial at times... peeing on the carpet, barking at every noise outside, running out the door, stealing each others food... it is like having 7 children and not 4! I will also miss my beautiful yellow daylilies blooming in June. And of course I will miss church. Going there on Sunday is like a homecoming of sorts. I just simply belong there. I will definitely miss fast food, Jewel, Target, Culver's Carmel Pecan Sundaes, CHEESE, my quick internet service, and maybe even more basic than that, dependable hot clean water and electricity. But I will especially miss being with my small group. I feel like I am going away permanently somehow... I know I am being overdramatic! You may be saying, "Melody, it is only 3 months!" Ahhh! That is the truth. But, when has the truth ever mattered when it came to my emotional outbursts??

Today I also looked at a very powerful website that my friend Kathy sent to me. There are several genocide memorials in Rwanda that I have not had an opportunity to see in person. I have seen one in the capital city of Kigali, and that one reminds me of a Westernized museum. There are photos and stories in these other memorials that are so difficult to look at, and yet, I feel compelled again to look at the reality of the country I love so dearly. I warn you that it is very graphic, but if you are interested in seeing the truth for yourself, go to http://www.museum.gov.rw/index.htm

So! I am putting together a list of what we need in Rwanda. We are setting up a house in a foreign country and there is nothing but a few beds and a table with 6 chairs. I have never done this before and we are supposed to squeeze everything in 12 suitcases! We are also going to squeeze 45 extra people in the home during the two "mission trips". Please pray for all of the people coming and my sanity! I am including the immediate needs list below. If you feel interested in helping provide any of these items, please feel free to email me at melody.pahlow@globalfamilyrescue.org I can give you a more accurate update as to what we are still looking for!

Immediate Needs List

Kraft mac and cheese, Ramen noodle packs (chicken or beef), chocolate, Chef Boy 'R" D pizza mix, hot cocoa mix, chocolate chips
Liquid Amoxcycillin unmixed (4 just in case)
Malaria medication (3 months worth for 6 people)
Ibuprofen (liquid and pill), Tylenol (liquid and pill), Chewable Pepcid AC, Claritin, Sudafed, Immodium AD, Nyquil
Kotex Pads and Tampons for 2 women for 3 months
Hair gel, John Freida anti frizz treatment, shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion
BUG SPRAY and mosquito coils
Sun screen
Light weight blankets, pillows (for 6 people) and sheets - One king and two queen beds
Four bathroom rugs
Timers for lights in our U.S. home
8 HUGE suitcases
12 bath towels, kitchen rags and towels
Lighter
Flashlights and batteries
Paperback books - mystery, romance and historical fiction
Containers for sugar, flour, etc (NO ROACHES PLEASE GOD!)
Zip Lock Bags - All sizes
Seasonings - seasoned salt, onion and garlic powder, basics PLUS vanilla!
Summer education workbooks for children coming into 3rd, 5th, 7th and freshman years
Generator for House (would be nice!)
3 Laptops for Rwandan Staff
Nintendo DS games (used is fine!)
XB 360 games (I don't know if our boys will EVER get away from technology too much!)used is fine!

Trip Fundraising Update-April 26, 2006

Mourning in Rwanda

Two days ago in Rwanda, the government called on the people of Rwanda to mourn. It has been 12 years from April 7th that the genocide began in the lush country in Africa. The green ivy climbs the eucalyptus trees, the early morning fog rises into the mountains, the dew on the thick grass covers each blade, the flowers burst with every color in the rainbow and the blood runs under it all.

Hidden in mass graves across the countryside lie the bodies of a million people. No bones have ever been identified. You must assume that if no one has come back home by now, they were slaughtered by an old hoe or machete. Perhaps you never know the truth of your father's demise. But certainly, with the missing, there is a certainty of something awful. You can only imagine the worst case scenario and your mind reels with what you witnessed in secret while you hid in the bushes, waiting for them to find you next.

There is great mourning over this small country now. The hospital is filled with people in great physical pain and no other symptoms. The pain is grief. It is palpable. There is a loss there of exceeding proportion and no one can bring back the innocence of life before hell came to earth in 1994.

My heart is broken as one particular man comes into mind. We spoke today with Travis who is the Director of GFR in Rwanda. He is also the spiritual director as well. He has been developing a deep connection with Cyprien who is our accountant and small business developer. Cyprien lost everyone in his family. That word "lost" seems so inappropriate here. 200 of his nearest family, cousins, aunts, grandparents, friends and school mates were "stolen" from him. He managed to survive by escaping the country in an exodus. There he met his now-wife Claudette. They have started over together. However, he has never
shed a tear over any of this tragedy. He has been in shock for many years. 12 of them. Yesterday, as Travis talked with him, he broke down sobbing and finally released some of the pain he has been holding inside. He told his new white friend through his pouring tears, "I didn't know that a white man could ever cry over my loss and care for me. I saw all of the white men leaving us with their dogs when the war began. We were being abandoned."

I shed tears for him tonight, wishing I could hold him in my arms. We left... we all left them. And now I have an opportunity to show him we will stay! If you knew Cyprien, as some of us do... you would know how deeply loving he is. There is never a time he is not laughing or smiling. He is dear to me... and how much more important is he to Christ? I never want to leave these people - God help me never leave them. Cyprien wrote his testimony for us to put on our website. As soon as we are able, we will post it. I know you will be inspired!

If you are looking for more inspiration, there is a new book I highly recommend regarding finding God and forgiveness through the pain of the genocide by Immaculee Ilibagiza called Left to Tell. During this week of mourning, take the time to familiarize yourself with the holocaust in Rwanda in honor of the 1 million children, mothers, fathers and friends that are now gone.

How much chocolate should I bring to Rwanda?

Is it wrong to be wondering how much concealer I will need to bring to Rwanda for three months? I mean... isn't that somewhat vain? I also have found myself thinking about how much room brownie mix takes up in a suitcase in comparison to shoes for 6 people. What about three months of clothes and everything else I am used to having? This is not going to be some quick trip where we can make due until we return. It is THREE months!

All of the sudden I am forced to be thinking of bringing the bare necessities. This is NOT easy for someone as spoiled as myself. If it came down to bringing three pairs of shoes for me or a bag of chocolate chips, which would I choose!?! This is terrible! What will I bring in 12 bags that will sustain us for 90 days?? I think chocolate is going to be out of the question somehow, too messy. But perhaps Macaroni and Cheese?? Is there any way to bring cheese??

I feel so selfish. I really do. What in the world am I doing moving to Rwanda??? Even if it is short term. Have I lost my mind?? I have heard about other missionaries who "sold everything" and moved without even the struggle to hold on to worldly things. But that is not the case with me. I am really struggling with not having "stuff". What if I need new jeans? Do I have to let my friends here know that I wear American Eagle Brand Size 8 Hipster Flares?? And to put a rush on it!? What if I run out of mousse? African people don't use mousse! What about shopping? And I don't mean groceries! What if I get the urge to do that?! Missionaries don't mall hop, do they? There wouldn't be one of those anyway. And movies, I am going to miss "Pirates of the Carribean II" which opens in July! Holy cow, these thoughts are getting out of control.

Well, the fact is I am begining to see all of the "losses" I may experience. But as I sit here and begin to list all of the things I hold dear, there is a part of me that sees the futility in it. What does it matter if I can see all the movies I want and eat all the chocolate too and never have the opportunity to give food to a starving child? What about the fact that the families we serve are right now growing crops that they never dreamed would be theirs because they have purchased land and were literally bought out of slavery! That really puts things into perspective. Am I willing to look less at myself and what I wear and my own entertainment? Yes. Sometimes grudgingly... but it is never difficult when I am staring into the eyes of the sick, poor and destitute. Perhaps it is living here in the land of plenty that I so easily loose my focus on the people that have nothing to offer to me except their smiles and hugs.

So perhaps today what I need to ask for is not how much concealer to bring or another trip to the mall or even another pair of jeans, but rather a deep look into the eyes of those I serve so that my own perspective of reality is not marred by my geographical placement. Help me God to see them more vividly then my own reality so that I can be more willing to let go of my expectations of comfort and yet maintain Your humor of my own indulgent nature!

We are slowly reaching our trip
fund goals! Can you help? We leave
May 31st...

Dedicated to the Memory of..

There is something to silence, isn't there? When the night closes in on us and we pull the covers over our head. The dark quiet brings all the thoughts of the day to a climax. Things that you put off... looming in the subconscious. Things that you are afraid of and things you wish weren't so. But then there are also the visions of goodness that you want to remember. Memories to hold on to. The touches that have been felt on the skin. And the reminders of the next days chores.

There is nothing more sincere than life after someone close to you dies. It seems all of the chores, struggles, and worries loose meaning. What is it that matters? Whether or not the bills will be paid or if we will ever seen the end of this flu season seems to be an ill conceived reflection. The beginning of an activity seems to be more meaningful than the end of one. And we wonder if God has allowed death so that we could more fully embrace life.

Someone I know, who just emailed me two days ago, is now with God. My thoughts race as I try to comprehend the value of that comment. I have traveled from one continent to another in 24 hours and seen with my own eyes what the real world lives like. The home I know is not the norm, and womanhood is far from the opportune environment of the United States. Everything changes when I go that far... even the food seems totally foreign. Milk seems thin, potatoes seem dense and chicken, well let me just say that Purdue needs to have a farm in Rwanda. But bottom line, that is going from one continent to another. What of the distance between earth and heaven?

In a moment we are transported before the presence of God. And there are indications of the embrace of His warmth and finding true serenity. But it seems to me that I am lost in the depth of the change. It seems too much too fast. While the one gone has found peace, those remaining are left to consider the changes and the world that will never be the same. There is something I have lost and can not recover it. My heart seems distant from itself. Yesterday I was crying at the opportunity to make cookie dough with my husband, and today I am numb at the opening of a new day. Why should I have opportunities? Why must life go on for the rest of the world? Can't we all just stop and consider one life gone?

But the world stops for nothing. It keeps moving, growing and spinning incessantly. There are spring flowers that my friend will never see. And yet I wonder, what does he see that I can not? Perhaps his wish is that we can see what he does now. And indeed there will come that time. But now there must be a time for grieving... and it feels sad to me that the rest of the world doesn't know what beauty has now left us. My friend was tender, generous, smiling and loving. We will miss him, but more than that, it is the world's loss I speak of. A man as good as he... will we ever stop missing his kindness and spirit?

My work today is dedicated to his memory.

I keep feeling the needle mommy!

Pahlow family hours after their shots

Yesteray we spent all morning in the travel clinic getting immunized for Rwanda. Yellow fever, meningitis, typhoid, hepatitis A and B, tetnus... names I have become familiar with! I personally have no problems with shots at all but it wasn't always that way! I remember as a child I ran running down the white doctor's office corridor in my pink underwear and into the lobby screaming, "No! No! Jesus, please come back now!" Well, that was the only way I could see me getting out of the situation... the rapture! That was 30 years ago now, when they used to take the side of a square razor to prick your finger at
every visit. Maybe that was a way of finding basic problems like diabetes or anemia. Who knows? All I knew was that the very thing my mother told me NEVER to touch (my father's shaving blade) was now being pressed into my small finger! It really didn't make any sense at all!

And today I see that my kids have different personalities and therefore extremely different ways of responding to the nightmare of needles piercing the boundary of skin and muscle. Amber the oldest seemed stoic. She was terrified, I knew. But she was going to put on a brave face for her youngest sister. I know she doesn't feel well when her face begins to flush. Amber was pale and yet pink cheeked the entire day. Even her teacher later asked her, "Amber, are you about to faint"? Nate, our oldest son, is positively giddy about receiving shots. He loves them. He would rather have a shot then swallow pills! He was actually sick with a sinus infection when we were at the clinic. He didn't flinch one bit. He also begged me to let him watch everyone else have their shots. Maybe he should be a surgeon or something! Mike, our 10 year old, was nervous and held my hand during the whole thing. His hand began to sweat inside of mine while he looked at the one inch needle on four shots with his name on it. He was brave and flinched some... but not much.

Now Hope on the other hand is just the biggest drama queen that ever existed (besides me of course)! I was reminded of the story I wrote earlier when she began to scream so loud the whole building shook. Ben had to hold her in a chair while the nurse SLOWLY prepared each shot. It was a nightmare. Couldn't this lady go any faster??? For crying out loud, it sounded like we were trying to kill the poor child. She was the first to get her shots, and every child in the building was terrified by her bellowing! It finally ended and Ben had a tear roll down his cheek. He is of the same nature as Hope; shots are a tool of the devil! He had to get one as well.

Pahlow Trip Fund Goal Update March 10th, 2005

And now, we are finished with that part of the process. And $1400.00 later, we are at least physically ready for the trip. It is hard to believe that missionaries can actually afford these expenses. Of course, most of them have churches that support them and pay for these things. But I can't help but feel so proud of the fact that we have supporters that are from many different denominations, even atheists! God is doing something so amazing through us and now our children are ready to be a part of it too!

A mother and a missionary - March 7, 2006

There are days like today that someone else might look at my life and think, "She has definitely lost her mind." I mean really, what else is there to say? I have four children between the ages of 8 and 13, I am a cofounder and project director of an international organization, I have gum disease which the dentist treated today (which is just gross!). I frequently sleep in the afternoon before I pass out of exhaustion because I receive emails and calls from staff people thousands of miles away that require immediate attention, I have to figure out how to squeeze in science projects and sleepovers, and I must prepare for the 18 shots that my family has to endure on Thursday (my mind is reeling at the screaming about to ensue). I guess lots of moms can relate to busyness. Mine often relates to things that are outside of Romeoville, Illinois. I have asked myself a million times, "How in the world did I end up here"?

I was talking to a friend today and I was reminded of the fact that I had four children at fairly young age. I was 22 when Amber arrived and the three others came before I was 27. It is amazing that I survived so many years without sleep. I sometimes joke that perhaps my afternoon dozing is a result of years of catch up. But as I thought of that, I realized that certainly those hard times prepared me for our work now. The responsibility of caring for over a thousand souls and then connecting them to the people who assist them financially in the states is daunting to say the least. But truly, is it any different then being 8 months pregnant and having two children sick with chicken pox and high fevers who is wife to a husband working two jobs to support us? Probably not that much.

The truth is, I don't know what is more overwhelming. However, I know I have to somehow become capable of being more balanced at home and in the mission field. My son cried yesterday saying he was fearful of not passing the sixth grade and reaching his life long dream of becoming a video game creator. And then, yesterday night I received an email from our staff that 3 people died waiting for sponsorship. A blow beyond my comprehension. What requires more concern?

There is nothing as important to me as wrapping my arms around my boy and soothing him. But there is also the call of my heart to be urgent in Rwanda. Lives hang in the balance each day. But my son is here and I must not forget that his heart hangs in the balance as well.

Mom and missionary... a flexing position indeed!

Preparing for Family Trip to Rwanda

Global Family Rescue Transforming the world… one family at a time


Pahlow Family Rwanda Summer Trip
Today is the day that we have been waiting for. It has been almost two years of traveling back and forth to Rwanda and experiencing the world beyond Romeoville, Illinois. The children have had to watch and wait while we traveled the far reaches of the world. BUT NOW! Now God has called us ALL to go the uttermost part of the earth! Here is what the kids feel about going to Rwanda for THREE months (May through August):

“Hope (8 years old): I am excited to go to Rwanda because I have a picture in my head and I think they look like me, but their skin is dark and they have no food or water. And I want to help them. I know that they know we are coming to help. And I am scared of learning their language. It is cool though.”

Nate (12 years old): “I want to go to Rwanda to help other people and it will be fun to have an adventure. No kid I know has gone to Africa and that will be nice to do. My siblings are scared of getting shots, but I don’t really feel scared of that. I am scared of people stealing stuff from us there, like maybe our car or the Xbox.”

Michael (10 years old): “I think going to Rwanda will be fun because I can get to know the people. I want to be a pastor one day so that I can preach about how to help people. It is also going to be sad because they are very poor in Rwanda, but that is where we come in! But I don’t like long plane rides.”

Amber (13 years old): “I think going to Rwanda will be challenging for me because I won’t be able to see any of my friends over the summer but perhaps I will make friends there. I do feel like I will be making a difference in someone’s life by helping build houses or other GFR tasks. If I could change one person’s life dramatically, that would be enough for me.”

Our role this summer will be to host several teams (40 people) as they come to Rwanda to see for themselves the widows and orphans, the survivors of the Rwandan Genocide. We will be building several homes for sponsored families and serving the people surrounding them. We are looking at partnering with 2 local churches, and possibly planting a church in the mountains. As a family, we are planning on interviewing sponsored families to update all the U.S. sponsors. We will also be encouraging our staff, meeting with government officials, meeting with other NGOs, Supervising projects, and learning the language.

Needless to say, we are all looking forward to going together. It is a big jump for us as a “typical American family”. However, we need your support to get there! It will be a long trip and expensive as well. Could you please help us? We can not do this without your help. We need to raise about $18,000 which includes airfare ($10,000), house rental ($3,000), utilities ($1,000), food ($1,900), transportation, projects, etc. Remember, all donations are tax deductible. Donations can be made online at our website with Paypal. When sending a check, please fill out the enclosed donation form and send it with your check to:

Global Family Rescue
P.O. Box 529
Wheaton, IL 60189-0529

We love you all,
The Pahlow Family
Serving Widows and Orphans in Rwanda

7.3.2005 BACK FROM RWANDA

July 3, 2005

I don’t even know the day. I realize that I have been home for less than 6 days, but it seems as though I am still figuring out what month it is.

We went to a zoo today. Brookfield. Expensive. Every exhibit and activity cost something. How ironic is it that 7 days ago I was in a national park in which I scoured a savannah for giraffes, walked on the shores to observe hippos and a camouflaged croc and watched in fright as our very own guide opened our bus door to taunt the baboon community for only $30 U.S.? Today, I had to fight off hundreds of people to peer into a glass cage made up with fake rocks and various logs which hid one lonely bobcat. Of course that is not the only animal we saw, but still I think we paid over $100 just to see wild animals. That doesn’t even count lunch.

I am also fighting off the strangest feelings. For instance, today I was standing in the shower and shutting my mouth against the stream of hot water pouring down my face. It is instinctive in Rwanda to make sure no unbottled water is swallowed, therefore the shower paranoia. I also spent time walking down the congested streets of Naperville, there was a fest of some kind going on. I watched the pedestrians walking up and down the crowded block and kept seeing the streets of Kigali in my mind. There was just no comparison other than the amount of people. People here are so clean. They have clothes, pretty ones. No one was shoeless. I saw no unattended children running around. No beggars. No bicycle taxis. There wasn’t a single person carrying anything on their head. There were children being carted around like aristocrats in strollers more expensive than my bedroom furniture. Ben even mentioned that they had families. Yes, most of them were with their family.

Family. One word can hold so much emotion. Frustration, belonging, joy, even hate. But for the Rwandan’s, that word can also provoke feelings of terror. Loosing an entire family, which is all you have when you are poor, must be worse than death itself. Loved ones are the only reason you hang on when you have no food, no shelter and no life at all. Life is wrapped up in people. And here in America, people are plentiful, food is plentiful, houses are plentiful…but relationships…well they are usually what is missing. Maybe we are experiencing our own kind of war.

I feel like celebrating America on Monday. I began to ponder all of the wonders around me even on my drive home: Where did we get so much gravel to put down on the highway? It’s crazy. We have so much asphalt. Where did that come from? And how great is it to have lights on whenever we want them? Electricity doesn’t suddenly shut off in airports or at home. Hot water is always ready to come out of a clean faucet. Roaches are a non-issue thanks to Orkin (and thank God for the Orkin man). And myself, I am a woman with the right to go anywhere I want and feel that I matter. My opinions matter. I don’t have to leave the politics up to Ben. I can say whatever I want. I can even say I disagree with the President, if I did, without any worry about retribution on the government’s part.

But most of all I am struggling with my faith. I am still struggling with why God allows poverty. I know he isn’t the cause. But I am deeply concerned about my own doubt… I am wrestling with the fact that He could stop it. He could do something miraculous. And if poverty and pain exists in the kindest people I have ever met, than I have asked myself, “Why wouldn’t it happen to you”? I guess it could happen to me. I feel confused and sad. And maybe my sadness isn’t so much over another country but over what could happen to us. I am grieving the pain of Rwanda, and wondering why. There is no answer. I certainly have heard all of the pat answers. But one thing I keep doing is asking God. Maybe I will never get an answer about why Rwanda struggles. But I can’t get stuck there. I must keep doing something. I can’t let the question stop me from trying.

Sleep evades me. Processing takes so much energy. And yet, the road opens in front of me and I must follow it. Who knows where it leads next.

6.25.2005 & 6.26.2005 LAST DAYS OF JUNE TRIP

Today is the last day I am spending in Rwanda. We were capable of driving some distance into another village today. But the reason we did was completely unlike any other. We sang praise songs all the way to Lake Muhazi. It was hard to believe there was a relatively untouched lake in this area (or at least 2 hours away). It was a place so serene and quiet. It was perfect for the baptism.

Who’s baptism? Kim’s. Kim has been feeling like she needed to take that step of obedience in her walk of faith and asked Ndugu if he would perform the ceremony. I can’t say what touched me so much about it really. It must have been the sun and the water. But in addition, it was Kim’s spirit. She just seemed totally transformed. As she went under the water she was smiling, but when she came up there was literally sunlight beaming on her face… or maybe it was just the glow she had herself. It was so moving. It was unlike any other time I have spent here. The event inspired Cyprien to be baptized during our next trip when his kids can be there to see it.

Usually, I am facing so much emotional turmoil dealing with the poverty and malnutrition. But today, I had the honor of being a part of a beautiful ceremony. Speaking of beauty, the Rwandese have a tradition of giving you a new name. So, to keep with that tradition, Ndugu gave Kim the name Keza (pronounced Kayza). It means beautiful and kind (kind meaning generous). It suits her. Now I want one too!

OK – Here is the next part in the airplane…

I just ate pizza…. It was good. But I think I was expecting more satisfaction from it. It just goes to show you what an issue I have with food being my comfort! Back to reality.

Yesterday when we were saying goodbye to all the Rwandan staff at the airport, everyone was crying, especially Cyprien, Vianney and Angela. It struck me that I was not. I felt like I had a wall up inside. I couldn’t figure out why. I have had some time to talk to Ben about it and I think I know what is going on.

These people have sacrificed so much to make GFR work in Rwanda. They are working so hard. I feel a great personal burden to provide for their families. I have met their beautiful children and wives (other than Ndugu’s fiancé), and I truly feel like I am afraid to let them down. I know what the future holds for them if I don’t come through. But as I was talking to Ben, I realized that I am not putting my trust in God on their behalf. They have all chosen with great joy to take on His calling to GFR, and He is their provider. I am the messenger, that is true. But I am needing to pray for God to make a way. The weight of their lives in not ultimately in my hands… thank God. It made me feel better and I even was able to cry some after I expressed this to Ben.

It concerns me that I have the ability to shut off when I am feeling overwhelmed. I know that is probably my mind doing what it needs to in order to accomplish our vision. However, on the other hand I don’t ever want to loose the heart of sorrow or compassion. That would be when my job in Rwanda would be done. God give me the ability to see with your eyes, feel with your heart and trust you to do what only you can.

So, I guess to close I must end with saying I am grateful for God redirecting me back to the fact that this is His work. Only He can accomplish meeting all the needs of Kisaro District in Rwanda. It’s like a baby I must dedicate to Him (AGAIN!)

Love,

Melody, Ben and Team

6.24.2005 RWANDA

Ok, I am going to try to be as descriptive as possible without actually knowing what happened today. I haven’t been feeling well the last two days but today I finally got the results… Mantazuma’s revenge, or wait. Maybe it should be Mazungu’s revenge!

Before I start this entry, I must talk about all of the food I plan on eating when I get home in 2 days. That seems so shallow… but I can’t stop fantasizing about cheese. The cheese here is so bad. It is goat cheese and never oozes. And there is definitely nothing yellow. Angela and I have been talking about nachos… oh man, what I wouldn’t do for Chili’s all you can eat chips and salsa. I feel really bad for writing this! I don’t know why! And then today, I was online and the yahoo front page said that “Batman Begins” is out. Holy Cow! It burst through my mind like a freight train! I can’t wait to see a movie. I feel so far away from the reality of television, movies, all-you-can-eat food and decent cheese. OK, I just have to say that what they call pizza here is ridiculous. It starts out promising with a nice 4” round bread but the tomato “sauce” is the first thing out of line. And then there are these slices of meat that comes from who knows where. But the finale is that abominable cheese. OK! Chicago, here I come.

Anyway, as far as the actual day was, I feel really sad looking through the pictures. I am feeling more than robbed, I feel left out. It was not anyone’s fault, I made the decision to stay home (which I am so glad I did). There are some raw emotions I feel when I look at all of the families together with out me. Frustration, anger, and even jealousy. But I also can’t help but feel appreciation and admiration of all our team that pulled it together without us. Even Ben was noticeably missing from some of the photos. Let me explain.

Most of the team went to visit with the Mayor of Kisaro (the district we serve in) this morning. The politician was interested in us implementing a half million dollar project to serve the district. OK – reality check. That actually makes me laugh considering our current resources. But I understand that we have entered his district and began to help some families, how could he know that we aren’t at that level? Well, apparently he has a MUCH better idea of what we are doing. But the politics involved, yikes. I just hate that side of this stuff. I mean, I step into this arena with the intention of feeding a few people and before I know it I have men in suits making proposals… problem is, handling it without diplomacy can only bring trouble later. I really HATE it. I am not the type to play games and talk sweet words… The fact is I am mad that in general politicians are wealthy and their people are dying. Basically, words were exchanged and reports will be given, but it will be reviewed by our board first. I guess I can leave the responsibility up to them!

After that, Ben was scheduled to meet with the American Consulate to discuss one of our friend’s asylum case which is may be held up here in Rwanda. And we were planning on having a large group meeting with our families on Saturday, but they found out that roads are being shut down tomorrow. So the big meeting with the our families had to be today. But Ben could not be in the same place at the same time. So Tim said, “Why don’t Ben and I go to the consulate and then Jake, Angela, Brian and Kim go to the other meeting. We’ll catch up with the team when we are done.” So, off went Ben and Tim. Jake and the rest went the opposite direction.

Both meetings were good. The consulate was very informative and was going to start investigating things right away to see what the hold up was, and the large meeting was filled with good explanations about our purpose and vision, guidelines we expect our families to follow, the gospel message and a few more interviews that Angela covered. Everyone pulled more than their weight. I am so proud of all them. I think it would be very scary to have that kind of responsibility with little preparation. And they never even thought twice about it. They just got things together and went. I feel like a mother who watched her children leave the house for the first day of school. Nervous and excited at the same time. I missed out on the celebration and thank-you songs and dances. Bummer.

Ben and Tim arrived just in time for Ben to charge the families to use the sponsor money according to our guidelines, and Tim read a passage the Bible and they all held hands and prayed. It was an awesome moment. It was Holy ground.

After seeing how the team filled in when we could not be everywhere, Ben said it was so amazing to know that if God called us home to heaven, that it was so wonderful to know that GFR could go on even with out our involvement. Praise God.

As a last note, I need to write a miraculous circumstance I was only able to witness via photos. Earlier this week I came across a woman who came up to me with a very sick 2 year old child. Her name was Felicity. She had a concerned look on her face and I was able to surmise from our talk that her son was very ill. His left leg had an old piece of torn cloth wrapped loosely around it. She pulled it off and pulled my hand towards it. First the son cried weakly and then I carefully rested my fingertips on the inside of the very swollen knee. It was absolutely burning. The leg was swelled up three times the size. She also had me feel under his armpit and he indeed had a fever. The child was laying limp in her arms and he could not stand at all. She also told me that he had not eaten in days (she kept trying to nurse him but he would cry and pull away). This is not something you want to be seeing on top of a mountain with no doctor in sight. What drives me nuts is knowing that everyone in Rwanda has access to insurance. There is total coverage for an entire family for only $17.00 for one full year. This child could see a doctor, get medication, or even go to the hospital for what it costs me to go to the movies once with Ben. The whole team prayed for him and GFR also provided her the money she needed to get insurance.

Today when I was looking through the pictures, I saw Felicity’s happy face and right below her was the cutest little boy clapping his hands! This was the sick little boy?? He was standing on his own. His smile warmed me like the sun. Of course, no one recognized him so no one knew the miracle that was standing before their very eyes. He is healed! Felicity is one of our unsponsored widows. We are still seeking a sponsor for her. But it brings me so much joy to know that she must feel an incredible amount of hope! It was a fantastic end to a wonderful journey.