How much chocolate should I bring to Rwanda?

Is it wrong to be wondering how much concealer I will need to bring to Rwanda for three months? I mean... isn't that somewhat vain? I also have found myself thinking about how much room brownie mix takes up in a suitcase in comparison to shoes for 6 people. What about three months of clothes and everything else I am used to having? This is not going to be some quick trip where we can make due until we return. It is THREE months!

All of the sudden I am forced to be thinking of bringing the bare necessities. This is NOT easy for someone as spoiled as myself. If it came down to bringing three pairs of shoes for me or a bag of chocolate chips, which would I choose!?! This is terrible! What will I bring in 12 bags that will sustain us for 90 days?? I think chocolate is going to be out of the question somehow, too messy. But perhaps Macaroni and Cheese?? Is there any way to bring cheese??

I feel so selfish. I really do. What in the world am I doing moving to Rwanda??? Even if it is short term. Have I lost my mind?? I have heard about other missionaries who "sold everything" and moved without even the struggle to hold on to worldly things. But that is not the case with me. I am really struggling with not having "stuff". What if I need new jeans? Do I have to let my friends here know that I wear American Eagle Brand Size 8 Hipster Flares?? And to put a rush on it!? What if I run out of mousse? African people don't use mousse! What about shopping? And I don't mean groceries! What if I get the urge to do that?! Missionaries don't mall hop, do they? There wouldn't be one of those anyway. And movies, I am going to miss "Pirates of the Carribean II" which opens in July! Holy cow, these thoughts are getting out of control.

Well, the fact is I am begining to see all of the "losses" I may experience. But as I sit here and begin to list all of the things I hold dear, there is a part of me that sees the futility in it. What does it matter if I can see all the movies I want and eat all the chocolate too and never have the opportunity to give food to a starving child? What about the fact that the families we serve are right now growing crops that they never dreamed would be theirs because they have purchased land and were literally bought out of slavery! That really puts things into perspective. Am I willing to look less at myself and what I wear and my own entertainment? Yes. Sometimes grudgingly... but it is never difficult when I am staring into the eyes of the sick, poor and destitute. Perhaps it is living here in the land of plenty that I so easily loose my focus on the people that have nothing to offer to me except their smiles and hugs.

So perhaps today what I need to ask for is not how much concealer to bring or another trip to the mall or even another pair of jeans, but rather a deep look into the eyes of those I serve so that my own perspective of reality is not marred by my geographical placement. Help me God to see them more vividly then my own reality so that I can be more willing to let go of my expectations of comfort and yet maintain Your humor of my own indulgent nature!

We are slowly reaching our trip
fund goals! Can you help? We leave
May 31st...