Thursday, June 08, 2006
Finally.... The Village
Ok… my butt hurts. I don’t know whether it is from sitting in a truck for 5 hours today or if it is all the walking we did! I should have been doing a stair climber at home to try to prepare for this!
There is nothing like being in the countryside of Rwanda. The people of the villages come rushing out of their homes just to catch a glimpse of us. Every where we go there are smiles and laughter. The kids seem to enjoy waving and using their newly learned language to communicate. They are astonished by the children here. Mike told me in the car today, “Mom, I feel like a scum bag compared to these people.” I asked him what he meant and he said, “I have so much in comparison to them… and they work so hard.” That pretty much set the tone for the day. With each mile we journeyed away from the city, it became apparent that the struggle to survive became more and more difficult. Amber said to me, “I am a lazy bum compared to these people!”
We traveled first for 2 ½ hours into Gatumba with our truck and parked at a primary school. What a reception! We met the pastors wife from last year and then the children starting pouring out of their classrooms. They were especially interested in Hope’s hair. They gathered around her and started chattering about it. Her hair was up in a pony tail and so I pulled it out of the rubberband. They gasped! WOW! Now, I have to tell you before we left home I had someone cut off 8 inches! But they were mesmerized with the color and length of it. I put it in my hand and said they could touch it and they all slid their fingers through it gently. Hope loved the attention!
All of the school children began to sing a song to Hope and I and we clapped with them. The children’s voices raised in a circle around us made us feel so welcomed and joyful. But then they said it was Hope’s turn to sing a song! OH! She was so embarrassed! There had to be 100 children listening and so Amber and I sang, Jesus loves you with her. They all clapped and enjoyed it.
Mike is well loved by all the African children. He is literally like a mountain goat! He can run ahead of all of them… I was amazed at his stamina. All of the children walking with us would point ahead and say, “Michael!” He was always first leading the group.
And Nathan was hilarious! He watched the Muzee (the eldermen of the village) pull branches off the trees and peel the leaves off for whips to discipline children following us (they were supposed to stay in school!). He began to fear for them so he picked up a switch as well and began to point with it so the children would be warned that the Muzee was coming!
Of course it took us 1 ½ hours walking up and down the most rocky terrain you can imagine to get to our widows home. She welcomed us when we arrived and we met several of our sponsored families there as well. They were all so happy to see us.
Constance had just given birth to a baby one week ago. A baby girl. We talked to her about staying pure, etc. But what amazed me most was that little child’s eyes. She was so tiny. But her eyes were like a deep dark pool. She drank in everything around her. She was too thin for my taste… and her hands were so small. I believe she couldn’t have weighed more than 6 lbs. But something hit me; here is a child that does not know what war looks like. She knows wealth and prosperity and peace because that is the current state of her family. But will she know God?
It blows my mind that there is no place we can hide from God. Certainly today I realized how far we can go physically… our ministry goes to the “farthest ends of the earth”. But that little baby is in God’s sight. He knew about her before she was even conceived and found a family in America who would care for her. He went through great lengths to see that she was loved and nurtured.
How far has he gone for me? Where could I hide from Him? And what did those little eyes say to me today? If that little girl can be born on the other side of the world, on a mountain far from any place a car can travel on, in a home as small as half my basement, then He knows me and cares for me too!
There is nothing like being in the countryside of Rwanda. The people of the villages come rushing out of their homes just to catch a glimpse of us. Every where we go there are smiles and laughter. The kids seem to enjoy waving and using their newly learned language to communicate. They are astonished by the children here. Mike told me in the car today, “Mom, I feel like a scum bag compared to these people.” I asked him what he meant and he said, “I have so much in comparison to them… and they work so hard.” That pretty much set the tone for the day. With each mile we journeyed away from the city, it became apparent that the struggle to survive became more and more difficult. Amber said to me, “I am a lazy bum compared to these people!”
We traveled first for 2 ½ hours into Gatumba with our truck and parked at a primary school. What a reception! We met the pastors wife from last year and then the children starting pouring out of their classrooms. They were especially interested in Hope’s hair. They gathered around her and started chattering about it. Her hair was up in a pony tail and so I pulled it out of the rubberband. They gasped! WOW! Now, I have to tell you before we left home I had someone cut off 8 inches! But they were mesmerized with the color and length of it. I put it in my hand and said they could touch it and they all slid their fingers through it gently. Hope loved the attention!
All of the school children began to sing a song to Hope and I and we clapped with them. The children’s voices raised in a circle around us made us feel so welcomed and joyful. But then they said it was Hope’s turn to sing a song! OH! She was so embarrassed! There had to be 100 children listening and so Amber and I sang, Jesus loves you with her. They all clapped and enjoyed it.
Mike is well loved by all the African children. He is literally like a mountain goat! He can run ahead of all of them… I was amazed at his stamina. All of the children walking with us would point ahead and say, “Michael!” He was always first leading the group.
And Nathan was hilarious! He watched the Muzee (the eldermen of the village) pull branches off the trees and peel the leaves off for whips to discipline children following us (they were supposed to stay in school!). He began to fear for them so he picked up a switch as well and began to point with it so the children would be warned that the Muzee was coming!
Of course it took us 1 ½ hours walking up and down the most rocky terrain you can imagine to get to our widows home. She welcomed us when we arrived and we met several of our sponsored families there as well. They were all so happy to see us.
Constance had just given birth to a baby one week ago. A baby girl. We talked to her about staying pure, etc. But what amazed me most was that little child’s eyes. She was so tiny. But her eyes were like a deep dark pool. She drank in everything around her. She was too thin for my taste… and her hands were so small. I believe she couldn’t have weighed more than 6 lbs. But something hit me; here is a child that does not know what war looks like. She knows wealth and prosperity and peace because that is the current state of her family. But will she know God?
It blows my mind that there is no place we can hide from God. Certainly today I realized how far we can go physically… our ministry goes to the “farthest ends of the earth”. But that little baby is in God’s sight. He knew about her before she was even conceived and found a family in America who would care for her. He went through great lengths to see that she was loved and nurtured.
How far has he gone for me? Where could I hide from Him? And what did those little eyes say to me today? If that little girl can be born on the other side of the world, on a mountain far from any place a car can travel on, in a home as small as half my basement, then He knows me and cares for me too!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Walmart in Rwanda???
Is it 8:00? Holy cow! It feels like it is 10:00. And is it Wednesday or Thursday? I’m confused! I feel like I should have gone to bed an hour ago, but we just ate dinner. My body must be starting to adjust to Africa time because I am starting to get tired when it is dark. I have been fighting sleep during the day and running around the house in the evening with bursts of energy.
I am really starting to be bothered by the slow pace here. NOTHING is done quickly at all. The kids and I have spent hours waiting for Ben to get one document at the bank, pick up something at the store, or bring Travis to the Department of Revenue. The paper work here is done all by hand. Letters are written and then they must be sealed and notarized. But they might as well still be using the wax and family crest on stuff because that is how ancient things are!
I am tired and cranky. I have bit Ben’s head off several times. I can’t get any work done with the kids running around the house saying, “Mom, I’m bored… What should I do?” I have to give the kids credit though, they are really adjusting well. They are eating different foods as their palates adjust, settling into a lot of waiting, and making due with what they have. Today I saw Hope playing with a spiral wire in a market we went to… she made a little antenna with it and pretended to be an alien. Or maybe they are just slowing losing their sanity…as I sometimes feel!
They had a really tough time at one of the markets today. We had a few items to buy for the house and we went to “T-2000”. It is a Chinese store. Ben likes to call it the “Rwandan Walmart”! It is a quarter of the size of the Osco side of Jewel and only 1 story high. It is cramped and dark inside and filled to the ceiling with plastic chairs, dishes, basins, and other items. But outside, it is the favorite gathering place of beggars in the city. Many whites (muzungus) come there to set up house. There were women with babies, no handed men, people selling baskets or corn, and crippled people of all kinds. They press in on you immediately. It was very scary to the children. Nathan said he felt like his white skin had become a “target”. I tried to explain the desperation, but there was really no way for them to process it all. Mike wanted to give some of his money away, but I told him he would literally be in danger of being mobbed. I could see a look of hopelessness on their faces. And Amber said to me, “Mom, can we please leave now?” We talked on the way home about how we wish we could give all our money away… but that couldn’t take care of all the poor. Nate added quickly, “Bill Gates can solve this!” But then we reminded him that Jesus said, “You will always have the poor with you.” Can I just say that poverty stinks!!!?
Well, it was a long day and we are on the way to the village tomorrow. It will be the first time that the children will meet Constance, the widow we sponsor. We will drive 3 hours and then walk 1 ½ hours to meet her. Pray for the kids!!! No DVD’s to keep them preoccupied!
I am really starting to be bothered by the slow pace here. NOTHING is done quickly at all. The kids and I have spent hours waiting for Ben to get one document at the bank, pick up something at the store, or bring Travis to the Department of Revenue. The paper work here is done all by hand. Letters are written and then they must be sealed and notarized. But they might as well still be using the wax and family crest on stuff because that is how ancient things are!
I am tired and cranky. I have bit Ben’s head off several times. I can’t get any work done with the kids running around the house saying, “Mom, I’m bored… What should I do?” I have to give the kids credit though, they are really adjusting well. They are eating different foods as their palates adjust, settling into a lot of waiting, and making due with what they have. Today I saw Hope playing with a spiral wire in a market we went to… she made a little antenna with it and pretended to be an alien. Or maybe they are just slowing losing their sanity…as I sometimes feel!
They had a really tough time at one of the markets today. We had a few items to buy for the house and we went to “T-2000”. It is a Chinese store. Ben likes to call it the “Rwandan Walmart”! It is a quarter of the size of the Osco side of Jewel and only 1 story high. It is cramped and dark inside and filled to the ceiling with plastic chairs, dishes, basins, and other items. But outside, it is the favorite gathering place of beggars in the city. Many whites (muzungus) come there to set up house. There were women with babies, no handed men, people selling baskets or corn, and crippled people of all kinds. They press in on you immediately. It was very scary to the children. Nathan said he felt like his white skin had become a “target”. I tried to explain the desperation, but there was really no way for them to process it all. Mike wanted to give some of his money away, but I told him he would literally be in danger of being mobbed. I could see a look of hopelessness on their faces. And Amber said to me, “Mom, can we please leave now?” We talked on the way home about how we wish we could give all our money away… but that couldn’t take care of all the poor. Nate added quickly, “Bill Gates can solve this!” But then we reminded him that Jesus said, “You will always have the poor with you.” Can I just say that poverty stinks!!!?
Well, it was a long day and we are on the way to the village tomorrow. It will be the first time that the children will meet Constance, the widow we sponsor. We will drive 3 hours and then walk 1 ½ hours to meet her. Pray for the kids!!! No DVD’s to keep them preoccupied!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I freaked out for nothing!
There is a story to tell each day. They keep getting better. Ben and Mike made crepes this morning for our chef and security guard. They also cooked for Isabelle who is helping get the house ready for our teams coming. They loved it! It was very culturally hard for them to accept, but tonight I saw Joseph the cook hug Ben and there was a familiarity there that doesn’t normally exist between employers and employees in Rwanda.
On another note, I think one of my biggest fears about coming to Rwanda this year was exposing the children to tremendous poverty, need and perhaps despair. For all my worrying, I think I was way off. Of course, isn’t that the way it always ends up? I usually end up freaking out about nothing!
Today we went to visit one of our staff members who lives in an area of Kigali which has many poor families packed together in tiny mud homes with pieces of tin nailed one on top of the other. When we got out of our vehicle, the children of the village began to gather around in interest. At first the children stood there wide eyed in disbelief that a white man had come to visit. But as they saw our kids, there seemed to be some kind of silent reaction of accepting Ben and I. We became believably human. We were just another mom and dad walking into town with their kids.
I could sit here and tell you about the amazing interaction that occurred between the village children and mine, but I think it is best coming from their own mouths. So, you can check out Mike and Nate’s blogs for that. However, I do want to mention that I have made much too big a deal over how our kids would react. I was worried that they would break down and not be able to process these “traumatic” situations. Kids are so amazingly accepting! They take a situation at face value and they began to interact through a simple game. They don’t consider all of the pain and suffering that may be lingering in the background of someones life. Kids just step into a situation with beautiful ignorance and enjoy being in that moment.
I looked on as Mike wrapped his arms around a little toddler who had been bumped during play. He was wearing his baseball hat and he leaned over into the child’s face to see if he was ok. My heart exploded with pride. I watched Nathan, who generally speaking would definitely rather be playing a computer game than anything else, and without speaking any words, he loved those kids. He smiled and laughed and that was it! Bingo! The connection was there. I learned a lot about interacting with people through watching them… but more than that, I began to appreciate having our kids in Rwanda this year. They have already made an impact and they haven’t even been to our villages yet!
Oh if I could just relish individual moments like a child! If only I could look on them and just love them without wondering how I could improve their lives and plan out a better way for them to live. That is such a western thing to do…analyze and calculate the future for each individual that I want to “help”! You know what I mean; I put a report together, plan a committee meeting, or just get busy DOING something, etc.
If I could only just BE. Perhaps I could just be their friend. I certainly can’t help meet the needs of every child… but I can truly love each one just as my own children did… with a smile. God, sometimes help me just to BE!
On another note, I think one of my biggest fears about coming to Rwanda this year was exposing the children to tremendous poverty, need and perhaps despair. For all my worrying, I think I was way off. Of course, isn’t that the way it always ends up? I usually end up freaking out about nothing!
Today we went to visit one of our staff members who lives in an area of Kigali which has many poor families packed together in tiny mud homes with pieces of tin nailed one on top of the other. When we got out of our vehicle, the children of the village began to gather around in interest. At first the children stood there wide eyed in disbelief that a white man had come to visit. But as they saw our kids, there seemed to be some kind of silent reaction of accepting Ben and I. We became believably human. We were just another mom and dad walking into town with their kids.
I could sit here and tell you about the amazing interaction that occurred between the village children and mine, but I think it is best coming from their own mouths. So, you can check out Mike and Nate’s blogs for that. However, I do want to mention that I have made much too big a deal over how our kids would react. I was worried that they would break down and not be able to process these “traumatic” situations. Kids are so amazingly accepting! They take a situation at face value and they began to interact through a simple game. They don’t consider all of the pain and suffering that may be lingering in the background of someones life. Kids just step into a situation with beautiful ignorance and enjoy being in that moment.
I looked on as Mike wrapped his arms around a little toddler who had been bumped during play. He was wearing his baseball hat and he leaned over into the child’s face to see if he was ok. My heart exploded with pride. I watched Nathan, who generally speaking would definitely rather be playing a computer game than anything else, and without speaking any words, he loved those kids. He smiled and laughed and that was it! Bingo! The connection was there. I learned a lot about interacting with people through watching them… but more than that, I began to appreciate having our kids in Rwanda this year. They have already made an impact and they haven’t even been to our villages yet!
Oh if I could just relish individual moments like a child! If only I could look on them and just love them without wondering how I could improve their lives and plan out a better way for them to live. That is such a western thing to do…analyze and calculate the future for each individual that I want to “help”! You know what I mean; I put a report together, plan a committee meeting, or just get busy DOING something, etc.
If I could only just BE. Perhaps I could just be their friend. I certainly can’t help meet the needs of every child… but I can truly love each one just as my own children did… with a smile. God, sometimes help me just to BE!
Monday, June 05, 2006
Silence
Right now I can hear crickets echoing over the hill we live on. There is also some other unknown bug that is making a chirping sound. The darkness is covering the green and foggy mountain directly in front of our home. I haven’t seen any stars in Kigali, probably because of the artificial light. But I can see the hazy moon. And I am beginning to enjoy the quiet sounds that surround us each evening. We have few vehicles that travel on our road and our compound is large enough not to hear other families nearby. No children playing or people working. Just quiet.
I will never forget what Nathan told me when we arrived at the Nairobi Airport. He stood still in the middle of the hallway and said, “Mom, listen… it is so quiet.” Now that might sound very strange if you consider the fact that there were many people at that moment speaking various languages and people walking with suitcases who were entering stores in the “mall” we were standing in. But then he added, “I mean there are no beeps, rings, buzzes, or electronic sounds!” Leave it to my technology child to recognize the absence of his regular surroundings. Even the stores had no cash registers… only calculators!
But that was the truth even in Nairobi, which was at least 20 or 30 years ahead of the Rwandan airport. Imagine what we hear now. Silence! Maybe you envy me. I have to say I have begun to enjoy life without so many machines. We do have a television which gets in a cartoon channel. The computer is plugged in of course; and even that is starting to annoy me because I am starting to enjoy the different sounds of voices and nature than the squawking machines I am usually exposed to.
Speaking of voices, we had our whole staff over this morning for a meeting. It went really well. I love hearing them talk to eachother in 3 different languages (Kinyerwandan, French and English) and all the time they are laughing and enjoying each other. They all know their roles and they work so hard in some of the most difficult situations. They look poverty in the face each day. Vianney made mention of one particular family today by saying, “They are VERY poor”. Ok, that means something. Vianney is our caseworker and has seen so many people struggling that when he says a comment like that, you have to know that this family is naked, starving and living in the worst possible condition. The family has just received sponsorship, Thank God! And another thing Vianney was talking about this morning… his cow just gave birth today! He was so happy. He has been starting over from nothing after the war ended, and the employment with us is giving his family the ability to be self-sufficient too. I sometimes leave them out of the “sponsorship” talk… but really, all of our staff are being sponsored also in a way. They make our organization successful and without them, 1800 people would not be experiencing a new life today! So I must thank all of our staff and their families! Travis, Astrid, Cyprien, Bosco, Vianney and the volunteers too. Their rewards are in heaven… but I am also hoping to bless them here too!
Here’s to enjoying silence and loving voices again!
I will never forget what Nathan told me when we arrived at the Nairobi Airport. He stood still in the middle of the hallway and said, “Mom, listen… it is so quiet.” Now that might sound very strange if you consider the fact that there were many people at that moment speaking various languages and people walking with suitcases who were entering stores in the “mall” we were standing in. But then he added, “I mean there are no beeps, rings, buzzes, or electronic sounds!” Leave it to my technology child to recognize the absence of his regular surroundings. Even the stores had no cash registers… only calculators!
But that was the truth even in Nairobi, which was at least 20 or 30 years ahead of the Rwandan airport. Imagine what we hear now. Silence! Maybe you envy me. I have to say I have begun to enjoy life without so many machines. We do have a television which gets in a cartoon channel. The computer is plugged in of course; and even that is starting to annoy me because I am starting to enjoy the different sounds of voices and nature than the squawking machines I am usually exposed to.
Speaking of voices, we had our whole staff over this morning for a meeting. It went really well. I love hearing them talk to eachother in 3 different languages (Kinyerwandan, French and English) and all the time they are laughing and enjoying each other. They all know their roles and they work so hard in some of the most difficult situations. They look poverty in the face each day. Vianney made mention of one particular family today by saying, “They are VERY poor”. Ok, that means something. Vianney is our caseworker and has seen so many people struggling that when he says a comment like that, you have to know that this family is naked, starving and living in the worst possible condition. The family has just received sponsorship, Thank God! And another thing Vianney was talking about this morning… his cow just gave birth today! He was so happy. He has been starting over from nothing after the war ended, and the employment with us is giving his family the ability to be self-sufficient too. I sometimes leave them out of the “sponsorship” talk… but really, all of our staff are being sponsored also in a way. They make our organization successful and without them, 1800 people would not be experiencing a new life today! So I must thank all of our staff and their families! Travis, Astrid, Cyprien, Bosco, Vianney and the volunteers too. Their rewards are in heaven… but I am also hoping to bless them here too!
Here’s to enjoying silence and loving voices again!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Is there an orthodontist in the house?
June 4th – 9:15 p.m.
I am drained. Nathan broke his two front teeth today. He was playing around at the pool and hit the bottom head first. Ben pulled him out of the pool and held his hand while he approached me with a stunned look on his face. What I saw made my stomach absolutely lurch. His teeth were literally half the size they used to be. They were cracked off unevenly and he kept covering his mouth with a towel to keep the air off them because they were so sensitive. I was visibly upset... I almost burst into tears and Nathan just stood there barely saying a thing. The kid is amazingly tough. I would have been balling my head off!
I didn’t know what in the world we were supposed to do! Certainly this wasn’t a hospital situation, and I never even thought about finding a dentist. Nate sucked in air through a towel and then whispered to me, “Mom, I keep hearing and feeling them explode in my mouth. I want to go back to America”. Uh… what do you say to that??? I kept looking at Ben as he began frantically dialing people he knew and I was thinking, “This is crazy… our kids have experienced so much in 2 days… How are we going to make it through 3 months??” Again, doubt crept back into my mind. “Why did God call US to this? It is one thing for me to be attacked, but how can I watch my kids suffer? What will be the cost? I don’t think we can handle this. Etc. Etc.” It brought a lot of tough questions up for me.
In the middle of the craziness, another missionary named Robin had just arrived with her children a minute before it happened. She turned to Ben and said, “This just happened to my 12 year old son in this same pool just 2 weeks ago!” She knew exactly who to call… a Philippine orthodontist named Evelyn. And wouldn’t you know that God had Evelyn go to her clinic for some “reason” today. She answered the phone and told Ben to bring him in immediately. Nathan’s nerves were exposed and she was able to seal off the teeth and then put a plaster compound on them. They look exactly like his old teeth. The only difference is that you can see where the real teeth end if you are up close. Nathan immediately felt relief from the pain and we were very grateful to her. Evelyn, who works for a catholic orphanage, told Ben the story that she has been mothering an orphaned baby girl for two years and the paperwork has fallen through. She even has the crib sitting next to her desk that her baby girl used to sleep in. Ben asked if he could pray for her, which she agreed to. After all the work was done, Ben asked her how much he owed her and she replied tearfully, “Your prayer was payment enough”. It was a miracle… truly… and thank God that He knew what I needed before I knew it myself! Whew~!
Amber is still feeling under the weather. The sinus infection is definitely gone, and now it is in her chest. She is coughing a lot… but she has been asleep since 4:30 this afternoon so that is a great sign. I am really relieved because I am exhausted from caring for her. I feel guilty saying that. But with the jet lag, caterpillars, and now this, it seemed too much today. Again, God was looking out for me.
John 10:3-4 “The sheep recognize His voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After He has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them and they follow him!”
God… you have proved that to me so many times today! But it would be really great if this is the last time you had to prove it this summer! LOL!
I am drained. Nathan broke his two front teeth today. He was playing around at the pool and hit the bottom head first. Ben pulled him out of the pool and held his hand while he approached me with a stunned look on his face. What I saw made my stomach absolutely lurch. His teeth were literally half the size they used to be. They were cracked off unevenly and he kept covering his mouth with a towel to keep the air off them because they were so sensitive. I was visibly upset... I almost burst into tears and Nathan just stood there barely saying a thing. The kid is amazingly tough. I would have been balling my head off!
I didn’t know what in the world we were supposed to do! Certainly this wasn’t a hospital situation, and I never even thought about finding a dentist. Nate sucked in air through a towel and then whispered to me, “Mom, I keep hearing and feeling them explode in my mouth. I want to go back to America”. Uh… what do you say to that??? I kept looking at Ben as he began frantically dialing people he knew and I was thinking, “This is crazy… our kids have experienced so much in 2 days… How are we going to make it through 3 months??” Again, doubt crept back into my mind. “Why did God call US to this? It is one thing for me to be attacked, but how can I watch my kids suffer? What will be the cost? I don’t think we can handle this. Etc. Etc.” It brought a lot of tough questions up for me.
In the middle of the craziness, another missionary named Robin had just arrived with her children a minute before it happened. She turned to Ben and said, “This just happened to my 12 year old son in this same pool just 2 weeks ago!” She knew exactly who to call… a Philippine orthodontist named Evelyn. And wouldn’t you know that God had Evelyn go to her clinic for some “reason” today. She answered the phone and told Ben to bring him in immediately. Nathan’s nerves were exposed and she was able to seal off the teeth and then put a plaster compound on them. They look exactly like his old teeth. The only difference is that you can see where the real teeth end if you are up close. Nathan immediately felt relief from the pain and we were very grateful to her. Evelyn, who works for a catholic orphanage, told Ben the story that she has been mothering an orphaned baby girl for two years and the paperwork has fallen through. She even has the crib sitting next to her desk that her baby girl used to sleep in. Ben asked if he could pray for her, which she agreed to. After all the work was done, Ben asked her how much he owed her and she replied tearfully, “Your prayer was payment enough”. It was a miracle… truly… and thank God that He knew what I needed before I knew it myself! Whew~!
Amber is still feeling under the weather. The sinus infection is definitely gone, and now it is in her chest. She is coughing a lot… but she has been asleep since 4:30 this afternoon so that is a great sign. I am really relieved because I am exhausted from caring for her. I feel guilty saying that. But with the jet lag, caterpillars, and now this, it seemed too much today. Again, God was looking out for me.
John 10:3-4 “The sheep recognize His voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After He has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them and they follow him!”
God… you have proved that to me so many times today! But it would be really great if this is the last time you had to prove it this summer! LOL!
Poisonous Caterpillars, Monkeys and Hot Milk
June 4, 2006 at 1:15 a.m.
A whole day in Rwanda… there are definitely new things I am learning about the country as a full-timer. Like the fact that there are these really bad caterpillars here. And monkeys can attack randomly and sniff out carefully placed poison in a banana and eat around it. Also, imported chicken has been outlawed to prevent bird flu and a local chicken is hard to find! Big yellow beetles exist in places other than Madagascar. Milk should be served cold, not hot…as it is here.
These are all things I just learned today. Of course, some things we learned the hard way. Like the caterpillar that left its fur in Nate’s foot. It can eat away the skin like acid and the local cure is said to be the best… salt and water paste. It did dissolve most of the fur, but I am waiting to find out if the morning will bring good news or bad. Fortunately we did not have a monkey attack any of us. That happened to Travis’s little girl and they tried to poison the monkeys living in the trees in their compound. Like I mentioned before, the stinkin thing figured out how to eat around the poison! Yikes!
Things were laid back today. Travis and Astrid (GFR Directors) brought Ben and the younger three kids to Hotel Novotel to use the beautiful pool. This is a local missionary hang out of sorts. Get this; it even has a small diving board. I stayed home and nursed Amber. She is getting better, but feels so frustrated about not being herself. She has admitted to feeling weak, not just in body but in spirit.
I have to say that this whole experience with her has validated my own emotions tremendously. Everytime she discusses a struggle in her mind, I recognize it as something I have felt personally. I guess I have always felt the same as she has now, that I am terribly weak because of my inability to adapt easily or becoming overly emotional. But seeing this unfold in front of me, I can honestly say from a mother’s perspective that I feel so proud of her for taking each step of progress hour by hour. I don’t feel at all impatient or angry… as I unconsciously assumed God has been of me. I feel compassion and I want to embrace her in her moment of fear. WOW! What a difference from some of the ways I had viewed myself during times of utter disillusionment and despair! Even going into downtown Kigali today took a toll on her and Hope both. They felt so sad about children begging outside our car windows and a woman who had both legs and one arm cut off who was shuffling down the street with a baby on her back. I will never forget her flip flops holding on to her stumped thighs and the yellow umbrella she carried with her one good arm. Although, this time my focus seemed more towards my children as we witnessed these things together. Amber and Hope felt sick to their stomach and didn’t know how to handle the fact that people could not live without help. I am truly astounded by the boys ability to endure the changes. They want to go into the village and it seems like we are holding them back somewhat. And honestly, I have always felt that about Ben… that I was holding him back somehow. Now I am looking at this as more of a teaching lesson for all of us together. We are a team and we can not push someone who is not ready and neither should we hold back completely. We still must go on as God called us, but we will go at a pace we can all adjust to. It is a balancing act!
I received so much hope today through this struggle. I am grateful for the new perspective. God is doing so much in my heart to heal ME! He is speaking to my heart of his love for ME. Praise God for His amazing wisdom! I also was able to Skype home today and talk to Ruth via internet. We both have web cams and it was awesome to see her face to face even though we are a world away. So despite the crazy caterpillars, tearful realizations of poverty and trauma and even sickness, I am going to bed encouraged!
A whole day in Rwanda… there are definitely new things I am learning about the country as a full-timer. Like the fact that there are these really bad caterpillars here. And monkeys can attack randomly and sniff out carefully placed poison in a banana and eat around it. Also, imported chicken has been outlawed to prevent bird flu and a local chicken is hard to find! Big yellow beetles exist in places other than Madagascar. Milk should be served cold, not hot…as it is here.
These are all things I just learned today. Of course, some things we learned the hard way. Like the caterpillar that left its fur in Nate’s foot. It can eat away the skin like acid and the local cure is said to be the best… salt and water paste. It did dissolve most of the fur, but I am waiting to find out if the morning will bring good news or bad. Fortunately we did not have a monkey attack any of us. That happened to Travis’s little girl and they tried to poison the monkeys living in the trees in their compound. Like I mentioned before, the stinkin thing figured out how to eat around the poison! Yikes!
Things were laid back today. Travis and Astrid (GFR Directors) brought Ben and the younger three kids to Hotel Novotel to use the beautiful pool. This is a local missionary hang out of sorts. Get this; it even has a small diving board. I stayed home and nursed Amber. She is getting better, but feels so frustrated about not being herself. She has admitted to feeling weak, not just in body but in spirit.
I have to say that this whole experience with her has validated my own emotions tremendously. Everytime she discusses a struggle in her mind, I recognize it as something I have felt personally. I guess I have always felt the same as she has now, that I am terribly weak because of my inability to adapt easily or becoming overly emotional. But seeing this unfold in front of me, I can honestly say from a mother’s perspective that I feel so proud of her for taking each step of progress hour by hour. I don’t feel at all impatient or angry… as I unconsciously assumed God has been of me. I feel compassion and I want to embrace her in her moment of fear. WOW! What a difference from some of the ways I had viewed myself during times of utter disillusionment and despair! Even going into downtown Kigali today took a toll on her and Hope both. They felt so sad about children begging outside our car windows and a woman who had both legs and one arm cut off who was shuffling down the street with a baby on her back. I will never forget her flip flops holding on to her stumped thighs and the yellow umbrella she carried with her one good arm. Although, this time my focus seemed more towards my children as we witnessed these things together. Amber and Hope felt sick to their stomach and didn’t know how to handle the fact that people could not live without help. I am truly astounded by the boys ability to endure the changes. They want to go into the village and it seems like we are holding them back somewhat. And honestly, I have always felt that about Ben… that I was holding him back somehow. Now I am looking at this as more of a teaching lesson for all of us together. We are a team and we can not push someone who is not ready and neither should we hold back completely. We still must go on as God called us, but we will go at a pace we can all adjust to. It is a balancing act!
I received so much hope today through this struggle. I am grateful for the new perspective. God is doing so much in my heart to heal ME! He is speaking to my heart of his love for ME. Praise God for His amazing wisdom! I also was able to Skype home today and talk to Ruth via internet. We both have web cams and it was awesome to see her face to face even though we are a world away. So despite the crazy caterpillars, tearful realizations of poverty and trauma and even sickness, I am going to bed encouraged!
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Where is my house!?!
We made it. All six of us are here WITH all 18 bags of luggage. It was a relief for me to be on the last plane from Nairobi to Kigali. I felt so irritable by then. All of the kids had done so well on the journey… it was a shock for me to have Amber break down while we were flying into Rwanda. I didn’t expect it at that moment. It seemed the epitome of the whole journey, but for her it was the realization that this was definitely NOT home. I was not unaware that the kids might be cranky or tearful perhaps but the panic she experienced was definitely overwhelming to her and me. She couldn’t breathe, wanted to throw up and generally just couldn’t talk.
There are different ways anyone can react to a new environment; she and I have similar reactions. When I had time to look back tonight on my earliest response to Rwanda, I too remember feeling like I could not get a full breath. I wanted to go home… desperately. I paced back and forth in our hotel room saying “I want to go home” over and over and hoping to make it come true because I was so afraid.
Amber told me that she looked out of the window of the airplane and saw red dirt roads and shiny tin roofs. She kept trying to imagine seeing our house in Romeoville… but there was nothing but unfamiliar scenery. It just was too much for her after 48 hours and only 7 hours of sleep. She just wanted to be “home”.
I can’t say I feel the same way as I did in that little cramped hotel room almost 3 years ago. This place has become home to me in some ways. Of course, it has taken me 2 years to get used to the idea. I whispered something to Amber today while I held her, “Amber, wherever I am with you, that is home.” She lifted her watery blue eyes to me and said, “Mommy, I love you” and she began to cry.
That reminds me of how God spoke to me when I was so afraid. He used a verse in John which talks about how he goes before me and was waiting for me here. Now, I am teaching Amber the same lesson. Wherever God calls us, we can call it home because he is there. Along with that, after Amber slept for 5 straight hours this afternoon, we ate some chocolate and felt so much better! It seemed as though Amber was getting more accustomed to life as a missionary, but it is no easy thing for her. Please pray for her and all the kids to continue to adjust well.
Our house is wonderful and we had a hot meal tonight so we are off to bed. This is a home we are learning to love and accept. Check out Amber's blog which I have linked to my front page!
God bless,
Melody
There are different ways anyone can react to a new environment; she and I have similar reactions. When I had time to look back tonight on my earliest response to Rwanda, I too remember feeling like I could not get a full breath. I wanted to go home… desperately. I paced back and forth in our hotel room saying “I want to go home” over and over and hoping to make it come true because I was so afraid.
Amber told me that she looked out of the window of the airplane and saw red dirt roads and shiny tin roofs. She kept trying to imagine seeing our house in Romeoville… but there was nothing but unfamiliar scenery. It just was too much for her after 48 hours and only 7 hours of sleep. She just wanted to be “home”.
I can’t say I feel the same way as I did in that little cramped hotel room almost 3 years ago. This place has become home to me in some ways. Of course, it has taken me 2 years to get used to the idea. I whispered something to Amber today while I held her, “Amber, wherever I am with you, that is home.” She lifted her watery blue eyes to me and said, “Mommy, I love you” and she began to cry.
That reminds me of how God spoke to me when I was so afraid. He used a verse in John which talks about how he goes before me and was waiting for me here. Now, I am teaching Amber the same lesson. Wherever God calls us, we can call it home because he is there. Along with that, after Amber slept for 5 straight hours this afternoon, we ate some chocolate and felt so much better! It seemed as though Amber was getting more accustomed to life as a missionary, but it is no easy thing for her. Please pray for her and all the kids to continue to adjust well.
Our house is wonderful and we had a hot meal tonight so we are off to bed. This is a home we are learning to love and accept. Check out Amber's blog which I have linked to my front page!
God bless,
Melody
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