How can one make a difference?

I took the day off today. We have spent the last 5 days in villages. Two days in the west and three days in the east. For the trip to the west, we left the kids in Kampala. I am so glad that we did because what we were about to see was more than I could handle.

We spent one day in travel and the other two in the field visiting impoverished orphans, widows and disabled families. I have seen a lot of difficult situations but I was completely unprepared for the amount of death that plagues West Uganda. I can’t tell you how many times I felt bile rise in the back of my throat as flies gathered around the severely ill Ugandans. I was appalled at the amount of family members who have died because of malaria, tuberculosis, skin infections and especially AIDS.

Right now I feel numb. I look at the photos of Jordan, a little boy infested with worms and I don’t feel anything. And Faustin, the 60 year old man with Elephantitis who I couldn’t even stand near without gagging (the flesh was rotting and infected with flies and maggots). I feel that he is one of thousands. How can one person like me even make a difference?

I have seen more than I can process. We have done what we can and given some money for food and clinic visits… but I feel personally undone. I want to run away and hide my eyes from this horrible reality. Even my dreams are haunted by children clawing at me for help. They are dying and my heart and mind explode with frustration as if it is too little too late. God help me…

I feel that I have been walking through a graveyard these last few days and as I recall the response of those who received some immediate assistance, I realize it isn’t gratefulness that I saw in those deep brown eyes… it was relief. I could see the fear they have been holding inside exhaled out of their bodies as the hope of our gift was placed into their hands… even if it was only temporary. I want to see more smiles, more hope, more peace! It will take the program to do this… and it needs to start soon before another child is lost.