I can barely type through my tears

Mukaraganda before GFR in 2003

I feel such profound sadness today. I found out that my dearest Mukaraganda is gone. Edissa is her "baptized" name.

Edissa... what can I say? I will miss you so much. You are the reason I came to Rwanda and you are the reason I stay. The tears I cry are mixed with emotions of profound sadness and joy. I know I will see you again and we will be able to speak openly of our experiences together. We will speak the same language and no barriers will stand between us. The first time I saw you I cried. I wept at the photo I saw of you all bones and no hope. I took you into my heart and determined to give you a better life. When I met you by surprise my first trip into the village, you honored me by calling me your hero. The last time I saw you was the first time I witnessed your smile. You were truly joyful and happy once again... your life was stolen from you in the genocide when your whole family was murdered.

Even your husband was taken. All you had left was a few sweet grandchildren. There seemed no end to your grief. Just as you were going to starve, we found you my sweetest Edissa and life began for you once again. OH SORROW... OH SADNESS that you didn't have long to enjoy your new life. But my only consolation is knowing that your grandchildren have a new future. They live on! They miss you so much but have a new guardian, their sponsor Denise White.

I make a promise to you Edissa... as long as I live your family will go on. They will live their life knowing that God rescued them and has a purpose for them. They will know that there is hope even after war and hunger. Thank you for giving me this opportunity Edissa. Thank you for giving me a purpose to go on. Thank you for driving an urgency into my mission... more must be helped before it is too late. I am so glad that you saw new hope. I will miss you Edissa. I will never forget you.

Here is an exerpt of a letter from Jeannette

who is the grandchild of Edissa which was written last week:

We would like to tell you to that you did great things for us, and now we are living alone. We don’t feel it so much because we have you, you are everything for me and for my brother. We are still living because of your generosity and love you had and you still have for us. We bought many things for us because of your support, we bought the materials for home, we have 2 sheep, and we received the Cow from Global Family Rescue. We tried to build the house with the money you are sending us (we need the cements, doors, windows and other materials to finish it properly).

Today I am trying to learn how to sew after knowing it; I will be able to organize my life in the future. That is why I need my own sewing machine. My brother is also learning how to drive, after getting the license for driving it will help him to find the job of driving.

We love you so much and we are still alright because we have you like our parents and guardian. Keep praying for us so that God will continue to help us. We would like to have wisdom from God so that we will be able to manage our life in coming days when the sponsorship will stop. And we are for sure that Global Family Rescue will continue to watch over us and advice us in everything we will do.

Sponsor a family today... Email Melody Pahlow at melody.pahlow@globalfamilyrescue.org

Here is a beautiful video!

This video clip was sent to me by Desiree Guzman, a Team Leader for one of our mission trips this summer. It is a beautiful representation of what Ben and I have believed for a long time.... when someone has a need, SHOW UP!

I love what Pastor Straton is doing in Rwanda. His philosophy regarding compassion is that we are responsible to be there for people in need, not only to send money or gifts. People need us to be present in their pain and see them up close. We are Christ's ambassadors and we have an opportunity to share the burden of the hurting!

Click on this link to hear Pastor Straton's heart felt story!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SUJOcRU-_w

A wonderful letter from Xaveline

Xaveline and her son Alphonse

I was so blown away by a recent letter we received from one of our sponsored families. Here is an exerpt from it:

Xaveline writes:

"You know, during the Christmas day, my children and I ate the meat , rice, vegetable and we bought some juice, I prepared myself the meal for my children. When we were eating, my son said "YOU KNOW MOMMY, THIS IS THE GREAT FEAST. NOW WE CAN REMEMBER JUST NOW OUR SPONSOR; WE ARE EATING THE GOOD MEAL BECAUSE OF THEM AND WITHOUT THEM WE COULD NOT FIND THE FOOD LIKE THIS ONE. MY DAUGHTER THEN ADDS THAT SHE IS BECOME FAT BECAUSE OF THE GOOD PEOPLE FROM USA.” They were so happy for intervention from you. I appreciate that and I know how much you are very important to us. Thank you for everything."

I want to send a personal thank you out to all of the donors that are changing the face of Rwanda. THANK YOU! You are answers to their prayers!

Kids make a difference

There are few things more inspiring then children making a difference in the world. GFR has experienced this several ways. Two young children we know donated their piggy bank money for shoes and a mattress for their families in Rwanda. They were motivated simply by the photos of their families.

Then Community Christian Church’s Kids City has single handedly donated over $6000 for 3 homes to be built for orphans in Rwanda. These are kids ages Kindergarten to Fifth Grade. It is something that I think we as adults need to aspire to be; to be generous with our pennies and quarters each week faithfully.

And again this week we had an opportunity to visit with a High School Youth Group from Harvest Baptist Church. Ben and I were able to speak during a retreat they were having. I have to say, it was a very good group. They were asked to pray out loud and the prayers I heard were so sincere and heartfelt. Their hearts were tender to the message of poverty in Rwanda. This group has something special. TRULY! I can’t wait to see how God uses them in the future. Good job Pastor Matt!

As a group, they decided to sponsor an orphan family in Rwanda. I know that these orphans who are the same age as the high-schoolers and are without a home or piece of land will be blessed to know that their own peers are caring for them as guardians. WOW! What a powerful message of hope.

We were glad to be a part of motivating this great group of high-schoolers. I can’t wait to see them again!

Need to get away????

I have been thinking a lot about the upcoming summer trips to Rwanda. We just got a newsletter out talking about the opportunity. Somehow I can't seem to find the words about how invaluable this trip is!

I did an interview with Pam Haines about her experience last year. And I have many conversations with the other people who came. There is just something lost in the translation when I try to write about it!

Pam Haines couldn't explain her "family interview" experience. She told me she had expected to hear the sponsored families talking about what they bought, etc. But what she heard was far more than that. One woman said that she literally could not go out into society because she was naked. The dear woman teared up as she said she was grateful that she could be in community with others now. It was such a basic and elementary thing, and yet she was robbed of it for so long. Pam can't get the woman's facial expression out of her head. There are just no words to describe it.

Beyond family interviews, there is building houses, visiting families, helping in clinics, prayer and Bible lessons. But the most amazing part of most people's experience comes from our staff. We have such a wonderful group of people working with us in Rwanda. They make everyone feel so loved and comfortable. They teach us about forgiveness and generosity... through their very own experiences! We learn about Rwanda through the people who we work with... and there is SO much hope for Rwanda!!

Our families are committing themselves to giving to others who are needy, our staff have forgiven those who have taken so much from them and we get to participate in helping them help their country.

If you are considering coming with us to Rwanda and experiencing all this in person, please contact Ben at ben.pahlow@globalfamilyrescue.org You will come back a changed person emotionally and spiritually! If you "need to get away"... here is your chance!

We have still have some openings on these dates: June 1 -8, June 12-27, June 15-23, June 28-July 6, July 10- August 3 (3 week trip), and July 24-August 3 (Dates are subject to change by a day or two)!

Kansas is flat!

There really isn't a lot to see in Kansas. Did you know that? We had to drive over 2 hours to find a Target. And I thought Rwanda was desolate! I am grinning right now thinking about what Chris Miller is thinking about these comments! But before I go on, let me introduce to you First Baptist Church of Liberal, Kansas.

Besides having lots of cattle, Kansas has lovely people. We were welcomed warmly by the congregation in Kansas today. We were introduced to them through Layne and Joanne Glunt (one of our faithful family sponsors in Plainfield). Layne and Joanne have parents that attend here in Kansas and we were able to talk to their church today about our ministry. We ate a wonderful meal they had prepared (with fantastic brownies!), and told them about ourselves and GFR.

First Baptist has been supporting Silas and his family in Rwanda, as well as supporting our missionary staff. We were there to deliver a special message from Silas. He wrote a letter to thank them for their love and support. I was very moved by the letter because he said he is handicapped and had been struggling to feed his family but after he received the sponsorship he knew his family was going to be ok. Silas's family is going through a major transformation thanks to this church.

But I guess I can't help but talk about our 19 passenger plane that we flew in from Kansas City to Garden City. I mean, it had propellers!!! I am thinking right about now there are some pilots out there reading this and thinking, "what is the big deal?" I will tell you what! This thing was like a tin can on wheels! I swear the thing opened up at one point because I kept hearing air escaping! There was a SNOW and ICE storm going on! And the whirring of the propellers was so loud that I had to scream at Ben who was only 9 inches away.... ACROSS THE AISLE! The best part was seeing that we were the only ones on the plane with a 20 year old pilot! How did I order this on Priceline? I didn't know you could private charter a plane through that! I saw that it was "United Airways Express".... but sheesh! I was thinking of United's "Ted" planes!

I tell you what, you couldn't have convinced me that this was the kind of life I would lead 5 years ago. Everytime I think about how God keeps asking me to do crazy things, I want to do more! I used to shrink away from challenges and new experiences, but I am starting to look forward to them. As I experience new things, I begin to panic... my mind races with the thoughts of risk and "what if"? Things like, "What if Ben has another heart attack? What if I never see my kids again? What if I can't find the church?" There are so many questions, but somehow through all of it, I hear God say, "Trust Me." He is always asking me to stretch my faith and each time He does, I have to think back to how He has come through for me the last time.

Also, in telling our story of starting GFR, I was reminded today about where I have been and how far I have come. Every challenge in my life has led me to this ministry today. And I am so glad that God was preparing me through those times. I am a sinner that God has chosen to risk His reputation on. WOW! I can't believe that God wants to use me just where I am at... I keep thinking, "What is next!?" (Dave Ferguson would be so proud!) Because after being here today I know that God has more to do through me. I keep taking baby steps and He keeps leading the way.

Fear

I had a busy day... but I can't say I accomplished a thing. I hate that! I worked all day and then found myself looking at some of the journaling I did from our Somali Bantu refugee visits. I can't believe we did that as a family. 21 people in our house for 3 weeks. WHEW!

I guess I feel that way about a lot of things in my life. I don't know how I was able to handle certain events or challenges other than the grace of God. This newest happening, Ben's heart attack, has taken a lot from me emotionally. I can't say how often I think of him collapsed in his car, gasping for air, or whispering "Goodbye". It is a fear that every person feels; the loss of someone close. And the fear seems to overtake me particularly in the dark of night. Sometimes I count his breaths. Sometimes I play with his hair. I have even laid my hands on his back in silent prayers for stronger arteries.

Apparently I am not the only one who has it in the front of their mind. Yesterday, I wasn't feeling well and I got on the floor to pick something up and felt too weak to get up. I asked Nathan to come over and help me. His face was instantly showing signs of horror... "Mom!" He quickly said, "Are you having a heart attack"? Even though it has been more than a month... we are scarred by the memories. I have been eating terribly in an attempt to "feel" better. Which is exactly what Ben is NOT supposed to do. He is doing well with the diet. He starts his rehab with exercise this week. He even started a second job last week to help pay some bills. Meanwhile, I am turning to chocolate to try to quell the feelings of fear.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. God knows how grateful I am... we were just so close to loosing him. Some how I look at us as totally mortal now. Anything could happen. But that is only my fears taking over. God did not give me a spirit of fear!

Whatever the battles that we have faced before have certainly given us faith muscles to flex. But I am tired of flexing today. I just need rest, spiritually and emotionally. I don't want my imagination to run wild... I want to just be in the moment.

World Bazaar At Community Christian Church GFR BOOTH

The Booth comes alive!

Our friends Joe, Jake, and Mary all help us set up the booth.

Silly Rabitt, you can't put that there.

GFR survives because of Volunteers like Joe.

More Joe

Two founders and a daughter.

This was only half of our booth........

Ben, are you serious? A petting zoo?

bring in the sheep!

And the goats...Thank you Friendly Farms!

Mary lovin life!

Princess Amber with a bunny.


A pig and a bunny!

The story of Sarafina...

Melody escorting people through the story of Sarafina...

Our good friends Pam and Jeff with Mary!

Some of the Pahlows


Pastor Tim and Miranda

Newly Sponsored Family!!!!! WOO HOO!

Pastor Dave and with one of his boys

World Bazaar At Community Christian Church Kids City Project

Hut to Home BEFORE AND AFTER

In 2005, Kids City built this new home for Orphan Regine and her 3 siblings, but

the kids in Kids City (Community Christian Church's kids program) wanted more! So they built another home this summer, and then Friday night, November 17th, they sold birdhouses to build another NEW HOME!!!! They teamed up with CCC's Junior High STUCO who made blankets to sell and raised over $1800.00!!! Now we are talking a THIRD home for orphans!!!!!!! WOO HOOO!

Here Ken and Angela and their precious kids counting the kids piggy bank

money to buy a birdhouse.

Here is their Display

What a great Idea!!!

Another trip to the hospital

Ok, we went back to Edwards Hospital today. It was a tough way to wake up. Ben walked up quietly behind me and said, "My chest hurts." I didn't have time to react in a panic. I just started pulling things together and gave him an insulin shot before we got in the car. He WANTED to go to the hospital. That was the scary part. Not at all like Ben. But things have changed and we both take this very seriously.

Back on morphine, nitroglycerin, heprin... two more I.V.'s. Cat scan, chest xray, blood draws, EKG, ECG, Blood pressure going off every 2 minutes... Nothing was conclusive. So the cardiologist says, "You are too young to take chances. I am going back in to see the arteries again."

Turns out the stints are still in place and the blood is getting to the right places... but the blood pumping into his arteries are "sluggish" which can cause residual heart pain. Also, one particular med was slowing down the pumping a little too much. Endothelial Dysfunction...

Whatever! Bottom line is that he had another catheter inserted into his other groin to get to his heart. He absolutely pushed through all the necessary hurdles to get out of the hospital tonight... and here we are again, at home, watching Oprah. I feel like the world is spinning and we are on it for the ride.

It never ceases to amaze me how Ben rebounds from this stuff. He is the strongest person I have ever met. Just 6 hours ago he was getting his heart probed and now he is sitting on that same couch he was on last night and asking me, "Are you done with that blog yet"? LOL! The first thing he did was look at his email to see what new people were interested in sponsoring a family in Rwanda. He loves it... he lives for seeing other people have a full life. And here he is, living the fullest one himself.

I was amazed to see that after surgery the first person to drop by was Vlad (And by the way he is not Russian! He is Chinese and Philippino) ... the nurse that Ben had last weekend for three nights straight. Vlad brought in his two adorable boys to visit. And isn't that SO like Ben?? What other person can make that kind of impression? He is a magnet for people! The thing that makes me absolutely crazy is that Ben cares so deeply for EVERY person he encounters in his life. How can he do that and not get overwhelmed? Sheesh! But seriously, Vlad is Ben's new best bud and it is fun to see new relationships developing out of such a scary situation.

So here I sit, typing away and I could be sleeping... but I know that everyone and his brother will be wondering how my best friend is doing! So now you know! He is well. He is determined to adjust to the new diet and exercise as well as handle all the needles because he loves us so much. And we can't help but love him back!