Cry out to Him

August 8, 2006

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had never met Providence Rubingisa at the Romeoville Public Library years ago. I wonder what I would be doing now… maybe I would be home putting together school supplies and watching the children play in a soccer league. Or maybe I would be cooking some cupcakes for Ben’s birthday (he turns 37 on Sunday). Perhaps I would even be reading a book on a lounge chair while the children went swimming in a chlorine rich pool.

But more often than that, I think about what I have an opportunity to do now. I get to live in Africa (who can say that anymore?). I get to see people go from poverty and trauma to self-sufficiency and esteem. I get to hear my son Nathan say, “I won’t mind doing dishes in America… it is nothing like the work people do here.” I get to see first hand the amazing God changes in people who used to believe God slept while they starved. I get to run after cows and goats in fields no white person has ever stood in or even gazed at. I have even started listening to my husband… that is the real miracle! Most of all, I have found prayer to be one of my biggest strengths.

I spent last night praying profusely… I couldn’t stop. I needed God to intervene. Even after falling asleep I would wake up and continue praying. I am not saying that to brag… actually… it is a sign of great weakness. I came to realize that there was nothing I could do about a situation. Only God could resolve it. I even dreamt my prayer.

Now the question is, would I needed to pray like this over school supplies, a soccer league or even at the pool? Maybe… but most likely not. What I have found is that great adventures and crisis’ require great prayers. For me I have always thought the easiest way to live would have been to choose the “just stay put” life... but the biggest spiritual growth I have experienced has always come during great struggle.

A friend of mine told me that she has watched me unfold from a bud to a flower in the last 3 years. I tend to look at the thorns much too closely. But after spending my life on the fast track to spiritual growth, I honestly think I have just begun the process. God is really getting a hold of me now. I can’t say I would “do anything” for the Lord… that simply is not true. I fight and scream on almost every new endeavor He brings my way. But at least now I am starting to recognize that there is something good that can come out of every hurt, every struggle, everything! He is a good God to be so patient with me.

With life passing me by, I don’t want to leave things unfinished OR unstarted! Whatever God wants me to do; I am praying that He gives me the continued courage to do it.