I am praying for God to help me put into words what I am experiencing. There is no easy way to describe it. I am not comfortable with the color of my skin… I am even angry that I was born white. I don’t think it is really the color so much as what it represents to the world.
Yesterday morning Ben left for a tour with World Relief and I was driving the car in town for some grocery items. I can’t tell you how many bad looks I got from Rwandese men. There were looks from men of all ages and levels of wealth. Some of the men wore nothing but rags and some were clean shaven and had ties on. In my mind I imagined them saying to themselves, “I can’t even afford to put food on my family’s table and here is a woman that has a car to herself just because she has THAT color skin.”
It was truly unnerving for me. Not because I felt uncomfortable with the men’s thoughts. I felt disturbed by the fact that with my color comes an entitlement of sorts. I am expected to have a vehicle or even two! I am also SUPPPOSED to have choices. I can have chicken, beef or fish. And I can also choose how to have it cooked; fried, boiled or grilled. I have the privilege of technology…. and not only one computer which has “speedy” internet, I have several at home. We have more than one television… and our computers can also double as televisions as well. Even simpler than that, I have access to clean water, a warm bed, even free education!
I am really sick of myself. Why do I have all these luxuries? There is a beautiful little girl that I see each time I go to Gitumba and her dirty blue dress is torn exposing her ribs. She carries her brother on her back that is more than half her own size. She smiles at me so openly… but all I can see are those little ribs poking out of her skin. This is ludicrous! Why was I born in America? My head says so that I can help others… but I can never remove the entitlements that come with my origination. I want to be like that little girl, so happy with her life even as hungry as she is. But I think that I am so VERY different from them. And perhaps I will never be able to be comfortable with that difference because it is offensive to me! I don’t understand it… and I want to simplify our lives… but I will never truly be able to step into their shoes. I want to be ok with that, but I am not.
God show me how to accept my own origination and not despise the opportunities given to me. Help me use all that I am to serve these people. Amen…
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
The following 8 familes are waiting for sponsorship...
This is family # 00088. They have been waiting for sponsorship for almost 3 years.If you have any interest in sponsoring one or two or all of these families, please email me at melody.pahlow@globalfamilyrescue.org with the family number so you can start helping them TODAY! Thanks for prayerfully considering.
The Uzabikmho family
Waiting for sponsorship for almost 3 years. She had pure joy, even after so long of waiting!
The Epriaham Family # 00034
Waiting for sponsorship for almost 3 years. Maybe you could make a diffence in their life and YOURS!
The Faustin Family #00066
Waiting for sponsorship for almost 3 years. This family is real desperate. Their father is handicapped very bad, he is unable to walk on his feet, he uses his hands...
The Laurien Family #00078
Waiting for sponsorship for almost 3 years. You can change their lives forever...Literally.
The Gakene Family #00073
Waiting for sponsorship for almost 3 years. Please help us help this family!
The Onesphore family #00071
Waiting for sponsorship for almost 3 years...still waiting for you or someone to help them.
A good day
The last two days I have struggled with my purpose for being in Rwanda. It ties into the feeling that I am spending a lot of time being a mom and not as much time working on the “program”. If you know me, you know how much I love the GFR program.
When I stepped into Rwanda 3 years ago… I was stunned by the poverty in the villages. There were no families receiving assistance from our organization, and as far as I knew, there were over 1500 people on the brink of death. I spent a lot of time boo-hooing about why God called me and I wasn’t ready for this… blah blah blah.
Now I feel like I am on the front lines of the battle, leading the charge and watching our families win victory after victory. There has been a huge switch in my mind about God’s ability to use me. I definitely don’t think I have all the answers, but I know that God will use me when I make myself available. It is one of the greatest rewards I have in this work!
In the midst of all this victory, there is something terribly frustrating to me. It is balancing being a mom and a program director. Desiree Guzman was telling me how exhausted she was after the long work day. This was another 3 hour journey to the village day, 6 hours working in the sun and then 3 hours home. And she is an adult!
We have been taking our kids out onto the field with us and I have to say it has been nearly impossible for me to focus on the people. My specialty is finding the holes in things… call it negativity if you want to! But, I can see a problem a mile away and I address it immediately. Sometimes it will be a family needing extra assistance or even issues with organization, etc. But when my kids are in the midst of all of it, I literally can not overcome my physical exhaustion, watch over the kids and focus on the current needs of our families.
Before we left this morning I said to Ben, “Today, either I go with you or you can take the kids to the village… either/or… I just can’t be both mom and missionary today.” I know he was frustrated… but the kids actually thanked me for letting them hang out at home today. IT IS very tiring for them and Amber did very well caring for them at home.
I was able to focus in the village today AND when I got home I was able to focus on the kids. This can’t happen every day… but it worked out this time and I was glad for the opportunity to feel like I got some “work” done. “Work” is so relative when it comes to motherhood!! It is so hard to know when you are accomplishing thing. Work is a relief sometimes… it feels nice to point to something and say, “Hey, I did that!”
A friend told me something very interesting today… she said, “Melody, NOTHING you do is unnecessary! God has a purpose for it ALL.” I can’t say that made me feel better! But I am sure there is some gem in that comment I will hold onto later!
In the meanwhile... we had GREAT news today. The woman that Ben photographed on Saturday who was waiting for sponsorship NOW has a sponsor! We want to thank Debbie Haines for opening her heart up to Mukankuranga! We can't wait to tell her she has a helper!
When I stepped into Rwanda 3 years ago… I was stunned by the poverty in the villages. There were no families receiving assistance from our organization, and as far as I knew, there were over 1500 people on the brink of death. I spent a lot of time boo-hooing about why God called me and I wasn’t ready for this… blah blah blah.
Now I feel like I am on the front lines of the battle, leading the charge and watching our families win victory after victory. There has been a huge switch in my mind about God’s ability to use me. I definitely don’t think I have all the answers, but I know that God will use me when I make myself available. It is one of the greatest rewards I have in this work!
In the midst of all this victory, there is something terribly frustrating to me. It is balancing being a mom and a program director. Desiree Guzman was telling me how exhausted she was after the long work day. This was another 3 hour journey to the village day, 6 hours working in the sun and then 3 hours home. And she is an adult!
We have been taking our kids out onto the field with us and I have to say it has been nearly impossible for me to focus on the people. My specialty is finding the holes in things… call it negativity if you want to! But, I can see a problem a mile away and I address it immediately. Sometimes it will be a family needing extra assistance or even issues with organization, etc. But when my kids are in the midst of all of it, I literally can not overcome my physical exhaustion, watch over the kids and focus on the current needs of our families.
Before we left this morning I said to Ben, “Today, either I go with you or you can take the kids to the village… either/or… I just can’t be both mom and missionary today.” I know he was frustrated… but the kids actually thanked me for letting them hang out at home today. IT IS very tiring for them and Amber did very well caring for them at home.
I was able to focus in the village today AND when I got home I was able to focus on the kids. This can’t happen every day… but it worked out this time and I was glad for the opportunity to feel like I got some “work” done. “Work” is so relative when it comes to motherhood!! It is so hard to know when you are accomplishing thing. Work is a relief sometimes… it feels nice to point to something and say, “Hey, I did that!”
A friend told me something very interesting today… she said, “Melody, NOTHING you do is unnecessary! God has a purpose for it ALL.” I can’t say that made me feel better! But I am sure there is some gem in that comment I will hold onto later!
In the meanwhile... we had GREAT news today. The woman that Ben photographed on Saturday who was waiting for sponsorship NOW has a sponsor! We want to thank Debbie Haines for opening her heart up to Mukankuranga! We can't wait to tell her she has a helper!
Muzee Vianney, can you make the birds be quiet?
Vianney is known for his "crowd control" skills, so today when we were setting up the birds were chirping extra loud, and Ben yelled, Vian! Can you make the birds stop! The next photo shows Bosco and Cypriens response...We all laughed so hard!
Ok, no money but you want sunglasses...
This genius used a film negative and string to create his own sunglasses!
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Holy Chickens!
Dave Larson, Kendra's father, played the role of Santa Clause here in Rwanda...He said he could only get one candy bar in his luggage! LOL!
Please help us sponsor this woman...
Ben saw this woman as he was driving home yesterday. She has been on our original sponsor list, which we recieved in Dec of 2003. She has been waiting for almost 2.5 years...We only have like 9-10 families left of the first 22o families. She has been so patient.
When she spoke to Ben, she never even asked when...she was just so happy to see him.
If you can help by sponsoring her for 3 years, at $59.00/month, please email me at melody.pahlow@globalfamilyrescue.org We need your help!
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Thank You Short Term Team #1... from Bosco
Kigali, 20th June 2006
I COULD NOT KEEP SILENT
As the bible says in Ecclesiastes 3: 7b (a time to be silent and a time to speak) I would like to talk about our friends visitors who came to RWANDA from USA, on behalf of Global Family Rescue (GFR), from 10 June to 20 June 2006. I have never met such a team in my life and that is why I want to talk a little bit about them.
In my Christian life, I realized many times the power of prayer. Prayer was a tool for me to do the work of God and to renew both my relationship with God and people. But when I was with the team; I realized that prayer is not enough.
For ten days I was with the team from the USA doing works of generosity for helping poor people, orphans and widows. I have been very troubled in my heart that I haven’t done any thing special in my life. I learned so much from them about being a man of God or woman of God and now I understand God wants us to do as long as we are still alive.
I saw how they worked hard and how they climbed up and down the hills and mountains to join their poor friends who live there, where the car and motorbike cannot reach. I saw how they were hugging the villagers, showing the great love they have for poor people. I saw also how it was very sad for them to separate from us when they were saying good bye.
But the fruits they left in our country among us will be eaten by everybody and I am the first one to eat the fruit and their actions are contagious! I would like to be like them and change socially, physically and morally. It is the first time I realized how God uses his power to strengthen those who accept God’s call through others.
I am so thankful for those ladies and gentlemen. I discovered in them the different talents and gifts for honoring God through their work for Him.
God bless them so much with their families in what they are doing and planning to do.
I cannot forget in my heart how important they are to me. It was so hard for me to separate with those wonderful ladies and gentle men full of love and generosity. I wanted them to stay with us.
What I know is that one day we will live together eternally, in the kingdom of God.
Don Bosco- One of the staff
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Daddy to Hope
"I know you have to go potty...you can go in their latrine now, or wait 1 hour till the nearest bathroom, which do you want?" Hope: "But daddy, I have to go right now!"
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