I have had
an encyclopedia of words running through my mind today: Random thoughts about
death, finality, injustice, temporal living, heaven and hell. Before you think I am depressed, let me
clarify: I am grieving.
Our souls
are often crushed by the imperfect world we live, love and travel through. I have spent many moments this week reviewing
the conversations I have had with others (good and bad). I have thought about the opportunities I have
missed and the poor choices I have made.
Finally I asked God, “What do you think about my existence? What is the truth about life after death?”
I have lived
a wonderful life full of beautiful experiences and treasured memories. I have trekked miles through coffee covered mountains
to seek out a broken woman, found countless diseased and feverish people in
tiny villages and seen them healed, lived in a custom made home and also broken
down buildings, survived without hot water or safe food to eat, watched
exhausted children struggle to breathe in a hospital filled with desperate
mothers and cried over the beauty of my own children and a husband who loves me
dearly with countless friends who seem to find me much more interesting than I
think I am! In my introspection, God
seemed to whisper to me; “Melody, you have lived 10 lives or more”.
But nothing
has hurt me more than watching my family deteriorate. Nothing, I considered, is worse than
death. I have experienced so much pain
this week knowing that my little sister in law is gone. It seemed in my past that I have faced many
deaths and personally, I reasoned, maybe it should get easier? I struggled with why it seemed much harder
this time and here is what I found out:
1. When I have interpreted someone’s life as
difficult and broken, I immediately assumed that there was no joy.
2. When I looked at death as final, I became
lost in sorrow.
3. When I took God out of the picture, I felt there
was no justice for my lost loved one that I speculated was trapped in a life completely
joyless.
4. When I took mercy out of the equation, there
was no God to save the broken.
Life is
NEVER always difficult. That is a
lie. To assume there is no joy ever,
anywhere in my life or someone else’s is, well, overly dramatic. Every time I thought things were not going to be resolved,
God miraculously saved the day. I have
seen it time and time again in beautiful ways; provision, laughter, a friend
showing up in the nick of time, a hug and a child smiling at me in the grocery
store. Joy is in many things. James
1:17 “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from our Father.”
Death is not
final, especially for those who live difficult lives on earth. Matthew 5:3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
More
importantly, God is in control and he sees the down-cast and handles business. Psalms
50:6 “And the heavens proclaim his righteousness for he is a God of justice.”
If mercy is
out of the equation, then I would have to argue there is no God. In this world there is no place where we don’t
“earn” our living, our status as citizens, or our reputation. That is the world we TRAVEL THROUGH. However, we have an opportunity to TRAVEL TO a
world where it is God’s economy and nothing can be earned. It is a place of perfection and holiness. If you want to know what God’s idea of mathematical
perfection is – you need to look at Jesus.
Jesus was about mercy and he was especially generous to those who didn’t
deserve it. The only time he was really
angry was when supposedly religious people were judgmental and wanted others to
“earn” their spot in God’s kingdom. But
the truth is found in Psalm 86:5 “For you, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive;
and plenteous in mercy to all them that call on you.”
Tonight I
have chosen to come into agreement with these truths several times. If my thoughts strayed from these facts, I
would spiral downward into deeper grief.
If you have lost a loved one, please know you are not alone. May God richly bless you and keep you until
you meet him and find mercy at the feet of Jesus.
Dedicated to Crystal - Died on February 13, 2014
