Thursday, May 30, 2013

Doubting my doubts

There is no doubt I have doubts.  I doubt frequently.  I fear failure.  I fear not being good enough.  I especially get wrapped up in the little things that weigh me down like an albatross.

Yesterday I felt terrified that I wouldn't be able to physically make it home to Uganda because I have been having some hip trouble (threw it out running of course).  I also felt afraid of what would happen once I arrived!  I agonized over the potential of malaria and even the ever present threat of snakes.  Today I worried that my suitcase wouldn't hold enough for the village... and then I realized perhaps I would have to leave my hair mousse behind!  Oh no. That WOULD be a terrible thing, right?

Today a good friend sent me a scripture, but she gave me the wrong reference.  It was a God thing.  Today I read Exodus 33:11-14.  Moses says to the Lord (and I am paraphrasing here): Hey, if you like me so much, can you tell me a little more here so I can trust you?  God replies, "I will go with you and you will be fine".  

Today that is my verse.  I am clinging to that.  God honors faith.  He knows our hearts and the places of great doubt... so that makes me know that of all things, faith is very high on His list.  Despite all my worries I will trust Him; whether I am here or in Uganda.  God says I will be fine. :)